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Riot Apr 2017
I'm being softly lifted off my feet
A spring fling beckons my gripped teeth
A lifetime seems slower during the day

But at the night I'm reminded
of the rippling waves
I've timed it
I have exactly 3 more years before I'm washed away
  Feb 2017 Riot
I don't like to call myself anorexic anymore
because I no longer skip meals
I haven't thrown up over a toilet
and I haven't weighed myself in a year
but the thoughts still exist
my mind still counts calories
for example there are 420 in the saltine ******* I just ate
which is already half way over my daily calorie intake
or would be half way over my daily calorie intake
if I was still anorexic
which I'm not
even though I haven't thrown away my scale yet
It just sits in my room like a prized possesion
Like a priceless talesmen I gained from my last adventure
sometimes I look at thinspiration
just to remember how good it felt
not that I save the photos to my phone anymore
not that I recite the words they say in my head
my favorite one though
not that I have a favorite one
would be having collar bones that collect raindrops
because I could do that
If I really tried I could get skinny enough to capture the rain
to walk outside, feel the drops, and have them stay
I still never finish my food
not that I'm counting calories anymore
but if I was the extra pieces of food on my plate would still count \
even when I eat food just to spit it out
not that I do that anymore
not that I'm anorexic again
because I'm not
I still think I'm fat
but who doesnt
I mean if you saw me in a dress you would know what I mean
I started wearing baggy clothes again
not that I have to hide how skinny I am
Because I'm not even starving myself
You know I gained 22 pounds?
Not that that's a problem
105 was underweight
but being in the 120s is not okay
maybe I'll cut back a little on what I eat
but I'm not anorexic
trust me
  Feb 2017 Riot
its gonna make sense
i was once a piece
of beautiful paper,
cut into a heart-shape,
colored with red and
neatly placed at the left
side of my chest.

and then you came
with your heart on fire,
i am enchanted by your warmth
that i let you embrace me.
but i never thought that your fire,
would burn me down.

i was once a piece
of beautiful paper.
but now,
i am no more than
a piece of small gray particles,
forgotten ashes
scattered by the wind

never to be found

  Feb 2017 Riot
Silence Screamz
I'll take my time to dance
around this place I call the world.
A place to the many, the few, the rich,
the poor, the fallen and the cruel.

I'll dance a mini waltz across the fields
of the golden flow of wheat fields and drown into
the seas of the deep, as your little toe
only touches the surface of the cold water.

I'll catch each star that I see in the evening sky
while the other
stars wax the dance floor with
velvet memories of constant
tomorrows and melted dreams.

I'll sweep the musical notes
under the rug that plays
from the piano,
as it's  lyrical raindrops hit my heart
softly with countless bliss and
mindless thought.

I'll sift through the symphonies of time
as they cascade their 8 notes in a 2 second beat
off the balcony and then I'll bury their
melodies in my own backyard.

I'll dance with the strings of the harp
interlaced between my fingers
then kiss the reeds of the woodwinds
as they play their melancholy songs.

So please, I ask of you, give me one
more moment
on the dance floor
in this world and let the many, the few,
the poor, the fallen and the cruel dance with me.
Let us take up one more waltz together
  Feb 2017 Riot
Arlo Disarray
i don't believe anybody is anybody, anymore
nobody is nobody
everybody is everybody
and i don't know who i am supposed to be
in all of this

a walking question mark
riddling my own mind
quietly behind
my soulless eyes
knowing **** well that half of them won't know until i'm gone
but still trying to form
some semblance of surprise

the walk i've been slowly enduring
upon my cracked and bleeding feet
has only managed to take me in circles
and i keep ending up back where i started

there is no finish line in sight,
only lap after lap
of the same
i'm certain i've passed this tree a thousand times
but i forgot the bread crumbs
at home, and now i'll never know for sure
which way to go

silence is the only laughter i know
and the applause in my head,
after the words form in my brain,
gives me a false sense of purpose

when in reality,
i'm laughing at my own jokes
and clapping my hands
for my own minimal accomplishments
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