.

Do I have a tongue,
Can I speak too?
In this strange world,
Am I a human too?

Do I have a heart,
Can I live too?
In this strange land,
Am I alive too?

In the midst of Oblivion,
I search my visions,
I once used to dream,
As a young teenager,
In Sea of Paro s
I try to remember,
The faces of people
I had once lived with
Father, mother, brother
Of all those people
I had once called family.

I came here as girl,
I am shared in the family,
I born plenty children,
I am sold and re-sold
In and around
To any men who
Can afford to buy,
I am kept but
Seldom married,
Each street have
it's own paro,
They all have
But the same story.

After some years
I cease to exist,
For the people
Who bought me
I am an old cattle
Who no longer
give them pleasure,
I am now a burden
A liability soon
To be shedded..

They don't throw
me though,
They leave me alone
In a small room,
I have become a mother
Of a girl or two
I have new family
But no identity
fits me ever,
When I come here
I became a Paro,
When my times up
I die a Paro!!

Paro is short for
Pardesi, a foreigner,
I am the girl
Bought for men
From another land
Into there land,
To born son's
For there motherland.

This is ordeal of
A soul that once lived,
Now it's just a body
With no role,
No fiction this
It's a real story
A reality of some
Distant land !!

That land for you
Is so very strange
Where eight young man
**** a pregnant goat!
And the strangest
thing is they
go away and
Roam scot free..!!

Soon the elders in the village
Will have a big meet,
They will give compensation
To the owner of the goat,
And free from the sin
There precious young boys
The martyred goat
Will also have new name,
And so it will soon
Be christened to
A new species of
"Paro"-
a first of it's kind
A Welcome from
an animal world!!

And so I ask again
Do I really exist?
What form of life
Do I have here?
In this strange land
Are they human too??
Does even a little atleast
A thing called
Humanity exist???

Sparkle in Wisdom.
1/8/2018.

I'd like to dedicate this shedded tear, To someone dear,
With all this emotion I could fill an ocean,
This is for anyone who finds this worth hearing,
It seems as though i'm appearing odder than I usually am,
I'd like to take flight in my dreams tonight,
Look at everyone lookin' up at me, and say "I can do it, and now I've done it, no more speculations"
And a crowd in my head will exclaim "congratulations"
But I continue staying awake...
So I'd like to dedicate this shedded tear to you, for you are someone quite dear...

Between now and then
A lot has changed
Or should I say grown
In and out, in every direction
Like it was just a matter of time
Like the change waited for seasons
The growth that need water and sun
The tree shedded it's leaves
It bloomed in the spring
Covered with snow for Christmas
Between now and then
A lot has changed

Into the bubbling blue bath of my bliss
my body breaks free of all bounds;
enchanted melodies cavort across my tongue,
unchained continents of merriment.
Shooting stars; cool satisfaction coats me completely.
I have lost all curiosity for torture technique,
while this melody bounces across the cosmos.
My imperfect lovely: Perfectly fractured,
all my shattered pieces fit your holes,
and even now, I glue pieces of you into the slots they fit.

A singular petal glistening with dew,
Deep crimsom; long stemmed tulip.
Black eyes, its stamen. Shedded insight,
I lowered my body before you, as offering.
How will you devour this dream of desire?
It is a feast to be consumed, in small bites,
and copious servings of seconds.
Do not allow this flower to fade,
it may save you from yourself.

Blessings bestowed before bedtime
often fade away by dawn,
give thanks for the present,
draw strength from the past,
take heart, what is meant to be
will always last...
in the end.

The single tear
gliding to the ground
landing with a plunk
That no one can hear but you
That single tear
sailing down your cheek
that tear
can tell its story
the story of heartbreak
death
sadness
life and loss
That single tear
that you friends and family
can see with clarity
they will know
the story of that tear
as soon as they see it slide
down your pale face
just that one glistening tear
says it all

cons:
do you know how often i have to shave?
**** man i just want clean armpits
and then i turn into a giant dog every month and that hair grows back really ******* fast
i need to invest in one of those lint rollers for shedded animal fur because it is becoming a problem
also i'm pretty sure i chewed another pair of shoes up the other night i need to find a safer spot to put my shoes
shoes are ******* expensive to be constantly replacing i can't ******* do this
not to mention the need for meat okay meat is expensive unless you buy tons of cheap stuff and there is no way i'm eating something that tastes like a greasy foot
(looking at you, cheap sausage patties)
pros:
i've got self-defense pretty much covered now
i'm prepared to **** people up if i need to
and i'm pretty warm like all the time now so i don't have to spend as much on heating
(though at the same time there's the air conditioning in the summer,,,)
also i get to tell all my friends I'm a gay werewolf so i'm basically the coolest

Traversing in between that few sweet hangouts
One to another in greater distance
Inside the empty universe

Having shedded ocean of tears
For Keep the moist of life
What life may feel

Staring stagnated beyond horizon
Earnestly towards a vision which can not be seen
For knowing the ingredients of life

The eye has being :

Exhaustede

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.

The dress left little to dream, a stained red
her sable hair veiled a porcelain skin.
A body well-toned to beauty's visage,
clinging to its youth in gentle fervor.
She danced with eyes, aloof of the madness
She danced with lips, a smile never faded.

The night felt as if it never faded,
despite that coming sunrise colored red.
With it comes a certain kind of madness:
that furtive creep and crawl under the skin,
that dark attacks all good sense with fervor,
silent beneath a cool and calm visage.

How I gazed on her elegant visage!
How she seemed to glow and never faded!
That way she danced, enthralled in sweet fervor,
twisting, turning hips below a flash of red.
How I wished a taste of that supple skin!
Temptation leading, leaning toward madness.

How hard it may prove to resist madness,
quick, short glances break a stoic visage.
The blood runs warm beneath my pale, clenched skin.
The space around her blurs, faces faded,
till nothing exists but that flaming red.
Hands convulsing in maddening fervor.

The hotel room shakes, same violent fervor,
With naught to do but give in to madness.
The bets are all off when the bull sees red!
Screams painted mute on smile-less visage.
All drowned out, all of everything faded
aside from the taste of porcelain skin.

The sheets peeled off slowly like shedded skin.
Quiet specimen, amidst the fervor,
lays unmoving on the mattress, faded,
left without signs of receding madness.
Sunrise reflected on a still visage:
Smooth porcelain, white now shadowed in red.

That desire for ripe skin, the madness
built in fervor, broke sanity's visage.
Till the smile faded, the dress stained red.

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.

A low monotone ‘snip snip snip'
Drooping heads as in slumber deep
The mirrors reflect telling it all
The shedded strands quietly fall.

Goes on the buzz ‘snip snip snip'
Are they awake or in deep sleep?
Getting off-loaded here's no hike
Lines of souls sit vampire-like.

No one speaks it's nobody's call
Heads mildly roll, tissues fall
Shrouded white from world disguised
The snipper's spells have them hypnotized.

The stupor breaks once ends the ride
A cruel world is waiting outside
The spell was so short, it's a pity
Time again for reality!

What is between your thighs? Empty stares hidden behind masks of confused faces, those who are brave enough to speak out.

Wavering hesitation in the questioning of names, locations, attractional appeal.

Do I even seem real?

Does my body "pass" the notion binaries with lingering questions of male? Female?

Of course, but who am I to decide the way I should live my life, or how I've "become" when I've shedded the skin of someone I once was.

I am nothing, if not a charade.

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.

Dark tracks of you follow me,
Taking the breath out of my lungs.
I choke on the thought of you;
Till my heart uplifts
To let you go.

Although you may think,
I'm Never to shed a tear for a past love;
I have shedded many
And felt unworthy of...

If you knew
How it made my heart feel
Each word of criticism
Peeling a layer of me off
leaving my soul left in the dark*
"Never to be loved for the scars of past loves."

Battling against a tide of cars and trains,
Counting the lubs and dubs that grow faint.

Penning down each tear that dries on my paper,
Concealing the eye bags from every night under an intense kohl layer.

Braving the fences and trenches that hurt my feet,
Archiving the conversations that now go obsolete.

Witchcrafting the blood moon of its glee so deep,
Staining the red from my eyes to your feet.

Crawling down from where you let others push me insane,
Ripping me apart with the echoes of 'I'll never be the same'

Uncovering the sunken eyes, shedded oodles and revealing cheek bones,
Trying to be worth a coin in a city of precious stones.

Still leaping miles towards you when a step you take back in repel,
Tickling you in fantasies to cast on you a laughter spell.

Watching those hazel eyes drool in sleep,
Embracing your aura when even my pillow does weep.

Pressing the backspace everytime I scribble verses,
Replacing the oxymorons in us with oranamental metaphors.

Letting my veins go cold n numb enough to form a rope,
Hanging everything I have n to grave shall I elope.

It's almost as if all of the pain went straight to my hair. When I shedded my hair it's like I shedded the pain. Now I feel free and reborn and ready to do this thing called life.

My body is my
only canvas,
but my tools lack the
love and bristles of a
painter's brush.
I am a
masterpiece, an
abstract of scars and
freckled skin.
I draw lines of
blood along my
arms, carve words
into my thighs.
I tell a story in
broken lines
because my voice and
hands waiver.
The picture I paint isn't
pretty;
it's coated in
tears and
shedded make-up,
veins forever
pumping blood down
my cheeks.
But the tale it
tells is
beyond skin deep,
down to heart and
lungs and
moving limbs,
the way we
walk and the
way we sing,
how we love and
are loved,
despite titles and
the color of
our skin,
the meals we've
skipped or
how many times we've
made ourselves bleed.
You may take the
knife to your
wrist, or pour the
bleach down your
throat, but
you
are no less beautiful than the
models on TV who
bear their bones and
cover up the imperfections,
the girls at lunch who
eat whatever they
want and still are as
thin as the
toothpicks that hold their
sandwiches together,
the bigger kids who
learned to accept their
bodies before you could ever
accept yours,
or the face in the
mirror you've failed to
associate with the
one looking back.

A brief sense of history takes over my olfactory lobes
Sniffing, I smell ancient burnt bricks and lime mortar
My hands reach for the uneven floor piled with ages of dust and the ragged walls portraying a dull grey...
Reminiscent of the times lost and stabbed by cruel hands of destiny...
Pieces of carvings of flowers and animals lay scattered on the frozen grounds
An eerie stillness presides over them causing my heart to tremble in an unknown sorrow...
Statues, full and broken seem to lay all over as if knocked out by the ravages of time...
Time...
What enigma is this time? Like a vain ruler, it rules over the ruin...unaffected by the lost happiness of this once glorious kingdom...
Darkness is the new king and silence the queen
That reigns terror in this empty palace day and night
Roots seem to have penetrated into its giant stone of a heart...
And wild birds have found a shelter in its once forbidden chambers...

I wander aimlessly pondering over the sights I see...

The full moon shines on my face through a crack in the roof...
As if wondering about the purpose of my visit into this empty land
I remain silent feeling the chill of mystery that surrounds my soul...
I suddenly realise that I feel solace in this vacancy... That same vacancy tries to reign over my heart... shredding it into pieces...
Maybe that is why I can so much sympathise with this non living entity...
It is as if my mind and the mind of this ancient structure are one and the same...
We seem to connect to each other, like old lost friends...
For who better can understand the essence of a ruin other than the one whose life feels like a ruin...

Tired I lay over it's bare ground feeling the memories of the days gone by...The ringing laughters,the shedded tears ,the spilled secrets and the peace lost forever...

Time passed over on the wings of a bat...
And finally an ancient sleep took over...!

i don't have the patience to gamble...
i couldn't sit there and tempt fate...
or predestination -
make a joke from karma -
but i'll somtimes make a quid's buckle
worth better spent nonetheless
spent on a bet...
i heard this metaphor before...
but apparently it's new...
the bet? well... either the home team
wins... or the away team wins...
but both teams need to score...
it's a quid... i had the most joy
finding a 20 quid banknote on
the pavement once...
that too was a "bet" regarding where
and at what speed i was walking...
i don't gamble...
i don't gamble on horses...
i don't gamble on dogs...
the odds are... as always the same
plateau of odds...
a bit like attempting to catch
a mosquito by the testicles wearing
boxing gloves...
elephant memory:
i know these words are not mine...
but... for the time being:
they must be mine...
i don't gamble because i don't like
to make a summary of karma:
this cosmic wind of causality as merely:
best be entertained by a gamble...
i don't gamble because...
i could never make it into a habit...
i could never attempt to find
a needle in a haystack...
sooner i'd be willing to catch
a breath of the wind while running
naked with a flute to hear
the flute resound with my breath being
missing...
eh... forget the flute... running
naked with a half-empty bottle
of cider... at the right angle...
i'll catch the wind playing its first
musical instrument!
why didn't i find fun in driving a car?
i would prefer a bicycle -
and a horse -
i never found fun in gambling...
flipping a coin and calling: heads or tails
was always more fun...
i never liked chess - i never warmed
up to it... draughts... sudoku... backgammon
and mahjong...
poker... a game of chess is hardly
intuitive... it's not: heir-sein...
it's such a detached monstrosity of...
labyrinths...
you can't make a mistake in the present -
and in the same present correct it -
since there's the narrative -
the cascade - i'd sooner be bound to reading
a book...
i don't own a car... because i don't mind
taking the bus...
although i'd settle for a bicycle and i'll still
dream about a horse...
gambling... to have to devaule cosmic concepts
akin to karma -
no grand yawn from the depths
on my behalf... this same old same old:
same mediocre...
middleground, haystack claimed this
body beyond any to come
anticipations from Everest...
this life that eventually has to become
an introspection...
and that's of course - minus what's sacrificed
on the altar of collective memory -
the other's whim of memory -
down the line... when only introspection
matters... and no one is really invited...
how sad it must be...
to have attempted certain feats in this life...
for... a yawn from the mountain
and a transient ref. point of some other
minding his journalistic integrity
of: duly noted?
it's not so much a "vanity project" critique...
but... i try to perfect the most basic
tasks... like rolling tobacco while walking...
something i can retain and invite myself
back into: from the devoid of self external
world...
to have ambitions akin to: climbing a mountain...
and what if that doesn't attract
journalistic voyeurism?
what then? apparently after the feat...
humanity as the mountain yawns or simply
ignores...
gambling... what is it, that's ncessarily "won"?
when all that's won... has to be...
gifted upon death's altar...
beauty, wisdom...
everything - imagine if death was corrupt...
and somehow allowed transactions
of future investements - akin to:
beside the two coins for charon -
a mummified body to add grit and wager!
death at a turkish bazar!
gamble or haggle -
beside: do we really need an opera house...
for someone to sing an aria?
i'm very much worried about: investing
in something - while at the same time -
finding to self-gratification in due process -
having to linger for third-party journalistic leeches
to make due summaries...
in the end... i don't really gamble...
1 quid a week...
on the already stated chances:
a bit like attempting to catch a mosquito by
the testicles wearing boxing gloves...
a world-wide renowed d.j. will earn
about 100,000 million a year...
i like being my own d.j. -
a tennis player will earn... this much...
but a ping-pong player... will only be seen
at the olympics...
tennis: a game of 7 rectangles and...
11 judges (enough for a football team)
and... 6 ball boys / girls...
and why would i even want more money?
spend it on what?
i'll buy a pair of shoes when the shoes
i'm wearing will start to wear down...
it seems that after a long enough time -
you: neither forget - nor unlearn the basic
propensity for spending money -
earning it very vague -
spending it is even more vague -
luxury items become: tacky -
there's a reason why champagne is champagne -
once tried: forever abhorred...
in terms of meat: it's not what meat it is...
it's how you cook it...
no good butchering an argentinian cut
of steak if you'll make: roast beef from it!
then again: i never liked spending money...
and... i never managed to acquire
the companionship of the opposite ***
that would otherwise spend it for me...
oops? i don't like restaurants because:
i much prefer to see myself wash my hands
before i start to prepare a meal...
on the topic of clothes...
i sometimes look at my cats...
the same furr - day in - day out -
why would i dress for a season - marry myself
to trends? that doesn't invite the accusation
that i do not wash myself -
or that i do not wash or iron my clothes -
why... bother fashion that's on a bigger whim
than the ******* weather?!
lately the price of books have gone up...
here's to me not buying a book -
vinyls... jazz vinyls are low...
10 quid a liquorice spin...
but this is nothing that could ever become
consolidated into a home -
but then i'm... too much into my routines...
and: i couldn't ever wish or want...
to keep up with keeping up appearances...
this apathy doesn't stem from a nihilism...
it stems from a depressive lethargy...
depressive lethargy is depression -
when it's not elevated to the romance of
melancholy... and "oh i'm sad"... oh oh...
no... i'm just tired of seeing the usual suspects
of keeping a life make-belief
succint informal casual convo. in a fish & chip
shop *******' worth of antics!
i can be polite to doctors...
oh hell: i'll charm them... they know the diagnosis...
but i'll be ultra polite... because...
i'm the one who will think about
biological cancer as botanical cancer: mistletow...
which it is... if you have ever seen
it in the wild...
i need a woman like i need an ulcer...
esp. the sort of woman that's a tapeworm
of transcendental a priori -
something that i'm "given" without prior
experience...
perhaps for men all women are: a priori specimen...
and for women... oh my god...
there's no a priori man...
there are only a posteriori... without the ability
to cut off a piece of time and themselves included
in it from the grand wheel of fortune and what's
to come: died within a year...
2 weeks after the death she shedded her
widowhood and became impregnated
by an already engaged man:
or some other wild old tale...
in bad, light?
oh... the time i realised that going to a brothel...
was not as rewarding as going
to a turkish barber shop?
that time... well... that moment is still alive
with me... i stopped going to a brothel
after i discovered the joys of...
having ones hair cut and one's beard trimmed...
is probably better than ***...
certainly better than *******...
as i always try to remind the 3rd party sources
of the moral highground argument...
believe me when i say that i don't mind
the dodo project - the cul de sac antics...
i'll the complete man -
although incomplete -
as i will not be a father, nor a grandfather...
hell.. my grandfather is ******* at me
that he didn't become a great-grandfather!
in terms of biological timing:
he should have become a great-grandfather!
does that make me any less or a lesser man
when: as a mortal man: i am to be wed
to - bride death?

No frills tonight,I'll tell you why we hold so tight,
to yesteryear and yesterday and...and last ******' night...
before the sky broke open,
lately I'd been vaguely sorta hopin'(not doin ****,just hopin')...
that we'd get the magic back,that we'd bring back all the craic
when it was you for me and me for you again' the world,
I'm starin at the wall my mind aswirl,

Then I'm starin' thru a window to the past
when we KNEW that we would last
forever,never ever fall apart,
never ever pulled apart,
by life and time and ******' work,
we knew we were the ones to make it work!,
and now I'm staring through that window to the past,
like trying to piece a champagne glass,
back together when it's smashed,
I'm kneelin' here with ****** fingers,
tryin' to make these memories linger
REALISIN' how you'll linger there,
your scent...your smile...your shedded hair(seriously I find it EVERYWHERE!)
sorry hon I lost it there(but seriously your frickin' hair!)
your company was past compare,
I close my eyes and see you there,

I pound my fist against the glass
praying that you'll see the danger see the future Nuclear blast,
but you're just blissfully gracefully strolling past,
holding me,enfolding me
emboldening me like nobody past or present ever did or will,
the thrill begat the skill begat the quill of you so deep in me,
thought we were our Destiny.
you're under my skin like a Sinatra tattoo,
but enough bout me...how bout you?

Is it your eyes I seek
when I should seek another?
Those eyes that speak
instead of lips that smother.
Whose smile I fear
that changed my cheek color,
and the shedded tear
to not long for another.
Is it your voice I hear
through lightening and thunder?
Could you just re-appear
after my little known blunder?
Should I just keep
this thought left unspoken?
Must I take that leap
that may leave my heart broken?
But instead I'll leave
this thought incomplete;
The problem I shall not defeat.

And dreaming of Inisfáil, I was raised on Bolivar Pond.
Sheltered in my wake, I’d coo as the dewy’d morning dove
   And fern in my bed, I rose to greet
       The song-splayed sounds of light
   And work, I made it dropping slow
Bright in the summers swoon, I was adorned in forest eves
By rings that rang from tree to rook, and flung the wingèd down,
       Brambled in bay, garland in violet
   When blades could ***** and not make bleed,

And I was brindled by the moon’d many shades, that liken
To a brook, and mottled in my main, noted among moss
   In that glow, once knighted we must serve
       Wood, let me comb in peace!
Colored in the mantled cloth of leaves
And bonny and red, I was the brave and the boon, the deer-
Ants learned me, and herons stood muck, on stands spearing all mite
       And the vernal song sang lowly
   Swaddled in azure’s unfolding dream.

At each turn was a season, nascent life charming in marsh
Forays that brimmed the hollow rood, in clover yards, I saw
   The lilt of bees, sallied in clearings
       Brown as the yellowed beech
   Colored in sounds that beat the heart.
And forth into the field I sprang unto that shedded loam
And high was the sail that bellowed the raft that raked my pond,
       Bullied by the har-umph of frogs
   I rippled, rowing cat o’nine tailed tunes.

Windy and free in the hollowed bark round the ****** bay
I trailed the bear sniffing ****, heard the hoo of a swooping vowel
   And wild in hare, dug the fox-hole up!
       Damp fires hailed the rising
   Moon, as fire-flies dinted the troutling pools
And nothing I saw in my drowning sun could nettle or thorn
My piney ways, nothing could rot my wood-craving ears
       For the kestrel’s qweet-a-quee rang holy
   In the skunk-flowered fields of Bolivar Pond.