not many people know what it feels like to cut themselves open in slow motion and feel the blood drops change from raindrops to tidal waves before their very eyes,
that were coincidently dripping too.
similar to the way it felt when my feelings for you started to pour through and all i could do was try to hold them all back and stitch up the cracks before i'd lost too much and fallen too hard, landing in a puddle of red that could very well have been what was left of my broken heart.


↠mndi➣

i wished on a falling star that you would love me back.
the wish, along with the star, seems to have crashed and burned.


↠mndi➣

The way the sunlight tiptoes in through the cracks of the blinds each morning to kiss you awake, well I could swear it rises just for you.


                                                          ­                   *mndi.

her veins stick out real dark and her skins as pale as her cigarette smoke.
they look like deep blue rivers running through the snow.
her lips look like rose petals floating in milky waters.
and they're soft like them too.
her eyes are the beautiful red brown color of the trees,
surrounded by snow.
and the way they light up when she looks at me,
it's as if they're wrapped in christmas lights too.
her hair as dark as the winter night sky and soft as the light of the stars.
and her skin, always cold to the touch.
no matter how close we're cuddled together,
pretending it's for the warmth but really it's for the pleasure,
her skin always feels like an ice skating rink
and my fingers turn into little ice dancers and figure skaters,
giving her even more chills.
and when she moans, and i can see the fog of her breath rolling out,
i can't tell you how good it feels to literally watch the pleasure escape from her.
or when her entire body shutters under mine
and i know it's not because she's cold.
she's like my favorite season come to life
and maybe that's why i adore her so much.


                                                              ­                        ↠mndi➣

I miss you less and less each day
and that breaks my heart in every way.


                                                ↠mndi➣

Just once*
I would like to swim in the ocean
without every ******* wave
trying to knock me down.


↠mndi➣

I woke up next to you that morning, with bruises and bite marks on my arms that proved you loved me the night before. You kissed them and I swear I heard them sigh.
But that same night, you left me again. What changed in you within that day I'm still unsure. But you told me I could no longer be a priority to you. And I felt all my importance disappear in an instant.
It all made sense to me after that, though. The bruises, I mean. You left a mark so I would remember you even after you left. You even kissed them goodbye.
And then you disappeared as well.


↠mndi➣

Sadness came to me tonight
I said, nope, I'm not ready yet
So I put that sadness in a box
and that box under my bed.

Anger came to visit me next
I said, I'm definitely not ready for you
So I stuffed that anger in a bag
and it went under too.

I thought I was safe for the night
and then in came impending Doom
This one was a little bit stronger
so I had to lock it in it's own room.

So when I saw Pain walking up the street
I knew it was coming for me
I said, I guess it's time to accept defeat
So one by one, I set them all free.

I cried with Sadness
I screamed with Anger
I mourned with Doom
I whined with Pain

And then Happiness came
and I watched the others disappear.
We shared a happy life together
when I finally stopped living with Fear.


*mndi

paintbrush strokes of white on blue
stretching over me and you
colors change to pink-streaked yellow
the earths settling down, getting sleepy and mellow
now it's all gone black with specks of white
any color has left us alone for the night
it's getting brighter
bluer, whiter
the birds in the trees are singing like a choir
they're pretty high up, but i think we're higher
i'll stay up all day, and all through the night too
if you'll be there with me through every shade and hue


s.*mndi

she was every star in my night sky
i was a handful of fireflies she kept in a jar
she was my sun;
illuminating my entire world
i was her lamp;
glowing dimly in the corner of her room

i still sees stars every night
all of the fireflies died out
i still wake up to the sun every morning
she turned off the light.


↠mndi➣

Too afraid to ask any questions
'cause I'm so afraid of what your answer will be
like if I were to ask you
are you still in love with me?

If your answer was a no
well I don't know what I'd do
I'm not prepared, I mean after all
I've spent the past year in love with you.


↠mndi➣

I know that you don't like to cry
especially not in front of people
especially not in front of me
you know then I'll start crying too
and we just can't both be crying
because then who would be the shoulder?
right, exactly
I also know that you like to feel strong
and you like to take care of yourself
and you're scared to death of depending on anything else
but you're misunderstanding me if you think I'm trying to save you
I don't need to save you
I just need to be there with you through it
even if all you need is for me to lie with you while you cry
a hand to hold
or two to hold you
a kiss on the cheek
or a kiss so deep your mind quiets down for a while
I swear to god I can be so strong for you
if you ever decide you need a little help


↠mndi➣