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"marlboros" poems
Strep throat. Out of nowhere really. I went to a meeting on Friday, interviewed at PaperSource on Saturday afternoon, and then just slightly later an awful toothache. I never suspected anything so out of the ordinary to occur. Saturday night, two to four a.m.ish, i thought it was caffeine pills, or not drinking enough water, or even, worst of the worst, an attack of hypochondria. I kept lighting up Marlboros though, tasty red branded things that make writer's mouths happy. Two days in and I'm pretty sure my ***** are a fever below my body, droopy like snoopy. Super soft droopy ***** that's a sure sign of a fever or a great BJ they taught us in 6th grade science, and I wasn't getting my favorite ice cream social. I hadn't talked to the gf in a couple days, and missing her company I made the phone call only discover that my voice had turned into a baby turtle shouting English from the bottom of a stuffed baked potato. Garbled. Discussing. Useless. I promptly hung up, and began texting. But it was too late she heard me and called back, and I had to give it all I had to put together a few words. An hour later I was dropped off at the ER, the benefits of Medicaid at 30 is never being able to just go to the doctor's office. Within 2 hours they told me it was strep. Four nurses, two residents, one first day resident, and a 2nd year resident, and the ER doctor for a swab and a spray, and the take home Z-pack. Then she said she'd come over even though I was sick. That's real love. "If I get sick from you, it's still worth it." 3 days on antibiotics, no more sore throat, I feel great- I think tomorrow I'll be having an ice cream social for someone who I love dearly. Maybe we'll even skip the ice cream.
0
Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014 at 9:24 AM UTC
Strep
Strep throat. Out of nowhere really. I went to a meeting on Friday, interviewed at PaperSource on Saturday afternoon, and then just slightly later an awful toothache. I never suspected anything so out of the ordinary to occur. Saturday night, two to four a.m.ish, i thought it was caffeine pills, or not drinking enough water, or even, worst of the worst, an attack of hypochondria. I kept lighting up Marlboros though, tasty red branded things that make writer's mouths happy. Two days in and I'm pretty sure my ***** are a fever below my body, droopy like snoopy. Super soft droopy ***** that's a sure sign of a fever or a great BJ they taught us in 6th grade science, and I wasn't getting my favorite ice cream social. I hadn't talked to the gf in a couple days, and missing her company I made the phone call only discover that my voice had turned into a baby turtle shouting English from the bottom of a stuffed baked potato. Garbled. Discussing. Useless. I promptly hung up, and began texting. But it was too late she heard me and called back, and I had to give it all I had to put together a few words. An hour later I was dropped off at the ER, the benefits of Medicaid at 30 is never being able to just go to the doctor's office. Within 2 hours they told me it was strep. Four nurses, two residents, one first day resident, and a 2nd year resident, and the ER doctor for a swab and a spray, and the take home Z-pack. Then she said she'd come over even though I was sick. That's real love. "If I get sick from you, it's still worth it." 3 days on antibiotics, no more sore throat, I feel great- I think tomorrow I'll be having an ice cream social for someone who I love dearly. Maybe we'll even skip the ice cream.
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4
His nicotine tongue was the most conniving part of his existence. Every time it made contact with mine, I tasted Marlboros, the only brand he would buy. Whatever his nicotine tongue did to mine sent me into a tornado of insanity each time, like I was one of his cigarettes, but he put me out, stepped on me, before I could burn his lips. His nicotine tongue told his mouth to speak such brutal words that would make me fall in love with him over and over, lighting me up and up,. He had never kept me lit, put me out before I could trick him into thinking "love" could be a hole he could also fall in. He had carried me around in his pocket, his nicotine tongue telling him to fuel his craving and pull me out, wrapping his mouth around me and breathing me in until I was no more. But the more he breathed me in, the more his nicotine tongue started to die. I was toxic. He never did fall in love with me, but I did end up being the one to stomp him out.
0
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 1:41 AM UTC
Nicotine Tongue
the first free minutes of the day find me scrambling for the lighter that will ensure my good standing with a young and dumb, restless addict of the two-years-older-than-me generation her cigarette hangs limp from her lips waiting for the fire that I promised her I had to offer eyebrows arching fingers followed by toes tapping in an anxious less-than-patience so I fumble through the pockets of my jacket tapping fingers into gum packets doing what I can to keep from laughing at the whole **** thing until at last I find the lighter for the babe who's smoking Marlboros and says she doesn't care who knows that she smokes cigarettes
0
Apr 26, 2012
Apr 26, 2012 at 12:55 PM UTC
She Smokes Cigarettes
you smelt of nicotine and wild dreams tapping your feet to the music inside your head that no one else could hear & as you put away your box of cigarettes i couldn't help but wonder what it would be like for you to be more addicted to me than to your marlboros
0
Aug 15, 2015
Aug 15, 2015 at 7:05 AM UTC
to the guy sitting next to me on the plane
Always some drunk ******* standing in the back of the bar who feels his life's mission is to continuously shout boisterous requests for "Freebird" during the encore. Second hand smoke thick as English fog and deadlier than a toxic chemical spill in the middle of the driveway. The load out and equipment set up in which the drummer inevitably excuses himself from working with any other piece of equipment besides his drums, since  "there a big enough hassle on their own". The inevitable bartering for free beer which during later years became a case of being lucky if you got your drinks at 50% off but even then sometimes you wouldn't be given a tab. The lone dancer at the very beginning of the first set, never the most attractive lady I in the house and all too often she made it through a whole song without a dance partner.  It always seemed like some kind if code, especially when an inebriated gentleman would hook up with her. But I never figured out what the jig was about. Always a drummer in the house, the real deal or an enthusiastic amateur. They will find a way to play the drummer's kit. Don't even try to stop them, for any reason. They will play. Likewise the older gentleman with the button up cowboyshirt, the one with the stale pack of Marlboros in the front pocket, he will try to impress you by claiming to know every song Hank Williams ever sang. The wise gambler bets that indeed he does have an encyclopedic knowledge of Hank's repertoire. Unfortunately he never claimed to have the pipes to pull one or two or three off himself...but that won't stop him from begging and soon enough he'll be under the spotlight singing "Your Cheatin' Heart" with every word and melody spot on but voice that could turn Hank's mother away. He is the anti-PR agent for Hank Williams. After people hear him butcher the songs they don't want to know what Hank sounded like singing them. The bouncer is your friend. If such is not the case before the show begins make every effort available short of paying him your whole salary to secure his loyalty. Trust me here. To be continued Yep, much more to com
0
Oct 22, 2014
Oct 22, 2014 at 12:08 AM UTC
Things I hated about playing in a classic rock/country music cover band over the course of 30 years
Always some drunk ******* standing in the back of the bar who feels his life's mission is to continuously shout boisterous requests for "Freebird" during the encore. Second hand smoke thick as English fog and deadlier than a toxic chemical spill in the middle of the driveway. The load out and equipment set up in which the drummer inevitably excuses himself from working with any other piece of equipment besides his drums, since  "there a big enough hassle on their own". The inevitable bartering for free beer which during later years became a case of being lucky if you got your drinks at 50% off but even then sometimes you wouldn't be given a tab. The lone dancer at the very beginning of the first set, never the most attractive lady I in the house and all too often she made it through a whole song without a dance partner.  It always seemed like some kind if code, especially when an inebriated gentleman would hook up with her. But I never figured out what the jig was about. Always a drummer in the house, the real deal or an enthusiastic amateur. They will find a way to play the drummer's kit. Don't even try to stop them, for any reason. They will play. Likewise the older gentleman with the button up cowboyshirt, the one with the stale pack of Marlboros in the front pocket, he will try to impress you by claiming to know every song Hank Williams ever sang. The wise gambler bets that indeed he does have an encyclopedic knowledge of Hank's repertoire. Unfortunately he never claimed to have the pipes to pull one or two or three off himself...but that won't stop him from begging and soon enough he'll be under the spotlight singing "Your Cheatin' Heart" with every word and melody spot on but voice that could turn Hank's mother away. He is the anti-PR agent for Hank Williams. After people hear him butcher the songs they don't want to know what Hank sounded like singing them. The bouncer is your friend. If such is not the case before the show begins make every effort available short of paying him your whole salary to secure his loyalty. Trust me here. To be continued Yep, much more to com
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10
I only smoke when you're around or when I'm around you, I don't know which is which just that a consumption is going on within me. You reach down into your pocket book and pull out a few killing sticks hopefully, I'll die of consumption. That little creature inside me, the pink satyr, jumps in between my ribs, whenever you go rummaging in that golden shimmer of stripper's purse, and **** out the Marlboros with a wet-lipped, wide-arcing smile. The creature, the real me, plays with his satyr **** all day and bites his nails and soft cuticles until the blood runs and pools in little red pearls. I am love-starved, and the satyr is afraid when he jumps because that means you're around. When I'm around you, or you're around me something smells, possibly the iron of the ****** left-over finger flakes. The satyr picks up the soggy, spit out nails and shingles my heart with them. The satyr shingles my heart with the fear that you will leave and that I will have no one to consume or be consumed by. You are my ****** nails and cuticles. What a ******* emo you make me. I am uncomfortable, even, with the notion that you have an effect on me. That's why I dismiss it, with that whole "What a ******* emo" title. And that whole "What a ******* emo." last line.
0
Nov 22, 2011
Nov 22, 2011 at 12:15 AM UTC
What a ******* emo.
4:10 AM, Thanksgiving Day he lost his breath for good while I watched In his thirties lungs weak from polio and huffing Marlboros Saturday I held one corner of his glossy box his pricey glossy box that was to be covered with free soil Some spring eve a quarter century later the old writer who told his tales well into his eighties slipped into hospice sleep and at his widow’s request I got to hold up another corner and place another flower on another fancy shining tomb Another thousand times since then I carried the ironic weight of lives not all the way to their holy holes but inch by inch towards the unknown my shoulder sinking a bit more each time while I searched for some epiphany in rhyme we all bear the pall of everyone’s fall each has one shoulder sorely bent regardless of who chose to repent so as we walk with this worldly weight someone else helps shape our fate for try as we may to walk alone our time is never solely our own We are the pallbearers, pallbearers for all
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Aug 24, 2012
Aug 24, 2012 at 7:25 PM UTC
The Pallbearers
The milk man died last week. I didn't know him well, just enough to know his favorite chew and how much he hated Fritos. I knew his lover and her worn-out windbreaker, her frizzled hair as gold as her Marlboros. I sold her a pack of silvers once and she nearly snapped my neck. They take (took?) their tobacco dead seriously. She hasn't come back to work yet, though her five allotted days of grief are over. The empty milk crates just aren't empty anymore.
0
May 31, 2016
May 31, 2016 at 9:44 PM UTC
The Milk Man Died Last Week
The bookbag leans on the aluminum column. The column is blurry, someone cleans it only when their are inspections. The bookbag has been sitting collecting the sounds that leave the Staten Island Ferry by foot, for God knows how long. When you get off, everyone looks ahead, but out of the corners an entire black sea of iris' rotates to the aluminum column. It might be a bomb. The girl behind the Ms. Anne's counter is skinny almost, but her *** is too big, almost. Munching on the semi-soft pretzel, you think about empty calories and the corners of your mouth get sticky. The Ferry won't be back, for another thirty or so minutes. Somebody takes out a guitar, and starts playing a little Dylan. People form a circle around him. This is the American Pow-wow. You reach in your breastpocket for the Marlboros, but you can't smoke here, and an official looking person squints at you, just to drive the point home. ******* smoking laws, some places just feel good. This place with all it's ringy sounds, like the guitar, and phones beeping with texts and babies, deep fathers, and high mothers. Just to puff and puff and push that sugar down with nicotine would really up this feeling of comradery. A guy with a gold-plated shield on his breastpocket and a blue-button down. Walks over to the bag. The iris' move, people keep talking but they're just saying words to make it look like they're talking. By the time the ferry rings in baritone, the bag is gone; the column is still blurry; the man is still playing his guitar, but there's an emptiness.
0
Nov 17, 2011
Nov 17, 2011 at 8:58 PM UTC
The Bag.
The bookbag leans on the aluminum column. The column is blurry, someone cleans it only when their are inspections. The bookbag has been sitting collecting the sounds that leave the Staten Island Ferry by foot, for God knows how long. When you get off, everyone looks ahead, but out of the corners an entire black sea of iris' rotates to the aluminum column. It might be a bomb. The girl behind the Ms. Anne's counter is skinny almost, but her *** is too big, almost. Munching on the semi-soft pretzel, you think about empty calories and the corners of your mouth get sticky. The Ferry won't be back, for another thirty or so minutes. Somebody takes out a guitar, and starts playing a little Dylan. People form a circle around him. This is the American Pow-wow. You reach in your breastpocket for the Marlboros, but you can't smoke here, and an official looking person squints at you, just to drive the point home. ******* smoking laws, some places just feel good. This place with all it's ringy sounds, like the guitar, and phones beeping with texts and babies, deep fathers, and high mothers. Just to puff and puff and push that sugar down with nicotine would really up this feeling of comradery. A guy with a gold-plated shield on his breastpocket and a blue-button down. Walks over to the bag. The iris' move, people keep talking but they're just saying words to make it look like they're talking. By the time the ferry rings in baritone, the bag is gone; the column is still blurry; the man is still playing his guitar, but there's an emptiness.
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62
"what do you think I should do?" you looked in between your fingers and said to me don’t be her cigarette don’t let her light you up when there’s nothing to do and put you out once she’s bored. don’t be the aftertaste of chemicals in her mouth. don’t be the black **** she spits onto the sidewalk. don’t be convenient. don’t be one of twenty in a pack of Marlboros. so I left her. you always knew what to say. I never would have guessed that two months later I would call you crying to say goodbye hoping you would at least make a half assed attempt to care with my phone in my left hand and a handful of pills overflowing in my shaking right, I never could have guessed you would’ve answered with a complaint about how I woke you up. I landed in the E.R. like a skydiver lands in the ocean— fumbling to unbuckle yourself from the parachute sinking heavy in the salt water being dragged down by the very fabric that was supposed to save me trying to claw your way back up to the surface like desperately clawing at the ceiling of your coffin like lungs about to burst like vision blurred I was drowning the thing that was supposed to save me sunk me. I sat under the florescent lights that first night wondering if you had called back knowing you hadn’t the whole week I picked at the white bracelet on my wrist “female, 5’6”, 115 pounds, INPATIENT.” While wondering if you cared but knowing you don’t But hoping you did because it’s hard to hear for months the “I’m not going anywhere I love you I’m right here Call whenever you need it at 3 in the morning or at 3 pm you don’t need a reason to call if you want to call just to hear my voice call. we have something special and I hope we never loose it you’re my best friend I was meant to have met you”— ******** You were my parachute. The message I had from you when I got discharged from the psych ward was: “I have a lot going on and won’t be able to reply much.” You always know what to say. You pulled me under you, heavy fabric you, life-saving-invention you, malfunctioned son of a ***** you—chain-smoker. I have been one of twenty in her pack of Marlboros. And now I’m one of twelve in your pack of Camels. I've since quit smoking.
0
Jun 9, 2015
Jun 9, 2015 at 12:33 PM UTC
since quit
"what do you think I should do?" you looked in between your fingers and said to me don’t be her cigarette don’t let her light you up when there’s nothing to do and put you out once she’s bored. don’t be the aftertaste of chemicals in her mouth. don’t be the black **** she spits onto the sidewalk. don’t be convenient. don’t be one of twenty in a pack of Marlboros. so I left her. you always knew what to say. I never would have guessed that two months later I would call you crying to say goodbye hoping you would at least make a half assed attempt to care with my phone in my left hand and a handful of pills overflowing in my shaking right, I never could have guessed you would’ve answered with a complaint about how I woke you up. I landed in the E.R. like a skydiver lands in the ocean— fumbling to unbuckle yourself from the parachute sinking heavy in the salt water being dragged down by the very fabric that was supposed to save me trying to claw your way back up to the surface like desperately clawing at the ceiling of your coffin like lungs about to burst like vision blurred I was drowning the thing that was supposed to save me sunk me. I sat under the florescent lights that first night wondering if you had called back knowing you hadn’t the whole week I picked at the white bracelet on my wrist “female, 5’6”, 115 pounds, INPATIENT.” While wondering if you cared but knowing you don’t But hoping you did because it’s hard to hear for months the “I’m not going anywhere I love you I’m right here Call whenever you need it at 3 in the morning or at 3 pm you don’t need a reason to call if you want to call just to hear my voice call. we have something special and I hope we never loose it you’re my best friend I was meant to have met you”— ******** You were my parachute. The message I had from you when I got discharged from the psych ward was: “I have a lot going on and won’t be able to reply much.” You always know what to say. You pulled me under you, heavy fabric you, life-saving-invention you, malfunctioned son of a ***** you—chain-smoker. I have been one of twenty in her pack of Marlboros. And now I’m one of twelve in your pack of Camels. I've since quit smoking.
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65
Humungous pupils. Little girl. Attempting to realize the ways of the world. Sinning and spinning, she twists and she twirls, Through the tornado that fate seems to whirl. So sure of herself, yet quite the mess. Eager to learn and quickly progress. She lays awake in constant distress, pondering humanity's stress to impress. How on Earth are we all alive? Buzzing around this big beehive. Working for life then turning to dust. Just for the honey, our bodies we bust. Investing our trust in invented ideals. Shunning away what's important and real. What ever happened to "see, touch, and feel?" We're worshipping paper, and mountians of steel. Our slates were clean the day we were born. From magazine pages, our knowledge was torn. We were taught by Barbies and trucks to conform. And we learned about love through movies and **** But imagine a life without fiction and wealth. We'd all be forced to act as ourselves. Without influence or image to compare and contrast, we'd have less confusion about how we should act. A society raised on make believe. Injected with *** diamonds, and greed. Living our lives on borrowed time, and filling the spaces with Marlboros and wine. But then again, I'm just a girl, with humungous pupils in a made up world.
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Oct 24, 2010
Oct 24, 2010 at 7:30 PM UTC
[ Humungous pupils. ]
From Marlboros, and thinkin horribles, Each time I think of you is another cigarette gone from my pack. I start my pack full, I test the weight, loving the feel of a full pack in my hand, But with every thought, they start to slip through my fingers like sand, and find their way home on my lips, where my tears just fall off and drip. I started with 20, doing so far so good. Wait whats that? you called?? there goes my mood. A thought of you, a image plus two and then Im done with a few. (17) I choke on my fears, while I clench my hair I called you my dear, and now im done with a pair. (15) Anxiety is something which I so not lack, Giving my breath to this dwindling pack. (13) You feed my addiction being the flame, my heart burns black, while it bears your name. (10) I sit and ponder on these thoughts I wish to behave, Two more ignites, to feed the darkness in which I crave. (8) My pack is now dwindling low, As I struggle to maintain a steady air flow. How else can you sleep, when you've been hit with such a harsh blow. (6) I have clipped my wings, after i have fallen oh so low, in search of my name in your voice, but it is another mans love in which you sing. This cigerette is now the only thing that glows. (3) (Braxton) I remember from where I came and god its a shame, I just wish the addiction never screamed your name Empty. Like my heart, the hollow pack crumples in my hands, wishing to be filled. But the self destructive cycle repeats again, and again. . And I begin my pack full, yet again testing the weight..
0
Jun 2, 2015
Jun 2, 2015 at 10:27 PM UTC
Vices.
From Marlboros, and thinkin horribles, Each time I think of you is another cigarette gone from my pack. I start my pack full, I test the weight, loving the feel of a full pack in my hand, But with every thought, they start to slip through my fingers like sand, and find their way home on my lips, where my tears just fall off and drip. I started with 20, doing so far so good. Wait whats that? you called?? there goes my mood. A thought of you, a image plus two and then Im done with a few. (17) I choke on my fears, while I clench my hair I called you my dear, and now im done with a pair. (15) Anxiety is something which I so not lack, Giving my breath to this dwindling pack. (13) You feed my addiction being the flame, my heart burns black, while it bears your name. (10) I sit and ponder on these thoughts I wish to behave, Two more ignites, to feed the darkness in which I crave. (8) My pack is now dwindling low, As I struggle to maintain a steady air flow. How else can you sleep, when you've been hit with such a harsh blow. (6) I have clipped my wings, after i have fallen oh so low, in search of my name in your voice, but it is another mans love in which you sing. This cigerette is now the only thing that glows. (3) (Braxton) I remember from where I came and god its a shame, I just wish the addiction never screamed your name Empty. Like my heart, the hollow pack crumples in my hands, wishing to be filled. But the self destructive cycle repeats again, and again. . And I begin my pack full, yet again testing the weight..
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34
I hope you believe me when my I tell you my body is composed of more than a skin and bone frame. My body is a picture book of times stained to me like tattoos of memories unable to be washed off. If you stare closely enough my purple knuckles tell a story of walls caving in on days I can't remember. My fingers are a light shade of skin because they have traced bodies who's pigment fell in love with my hands. My palms are empty from receiving and giving a little more than I should of let go; some things I should of clutched onto for longer. My arms are made of clenched embrace and have a scent of regret laced from wrist to elbow. My shoulders hold individual carvings of finger nails and teeth marks from more than one individual night. My lips are a discolored red from every poison stained mouth in which they've met. My neck is a canvas of rough hands, ropes not tied tight enough and purple stains of affection from those who have lied about loving me, and my eyes have turned grey from staring for too long into the forests and oceans they've met at three in the morning in the caves of unfamiliar faces. So if you happen to walk into my room, don't be alarmed by the smell of apathy. Don't concern yourself about the bottles buried and broken under mounds of clothes that reek of Marlboros. Don't turn the light on, and don't open the curtains. I have lived long enough, my body will tell you the story. But before you read it, please trust me when I say "there is more to me than this."
0
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 9:48 PM UTC
There's more to me than this
I hope you believe me when my I tell you my body is composed of more than a skin and bone frame. My body is a picture book of times stained to me like tattoos of memories unable to be washed off. If you stare closely enough my purple knuckles tell a story of walls caving in on days I can't remember. My fingers are a light shade of skin because they have traced bodies who's pigment fell in love with my hands. My palms are empty from receiving and giving a little more than I should of let go; some things I should of clutched onto for longer. My arms are made of clenched embrace and have a scent of regret laced from wrist to elbow. My shoulders hold individual carvings of finger nails and teeth marks from more than one individual night. My lips are a discolored red from every poison stained mouth in which they've met. My neck is a canvas of rough hands, ropes not tied tight enough and purple stains of affection from those who have lied about loving me, and my eyes have turned grey from staring for too long into the forests and oceans they've met at three in the morning in the caves of unfamiliar faces. So if you happen to walk into my room, don't be alarmed by the smell of apathy. Don't concern yourself about the bottles buried and broken under mounds of clothes that reek of Marlboros. Don't turn the light on, and don't open the curtains. I have lived long enough, my body will tell you the story. But before you read it, please trust me when I say "there is more to me than this."
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13
On Tuesdays I dream of moon-soaked swims among bay-big moons Silver saucered jellyfish that ripple through our hands Wednesday nights are underground- Straight whiskey at the Cantab beneath a canopy of Marlboros and Parliaments (I’m imagining the cigarettes- I’ve always romanticized death) I only think of Sunfish on Thursdays, Just a single sheet and us and the water And the thought that we are propelled by more Than the wind and less than physics. Fridays are midnight walks through Central Square- That tree on JFK by the metal gate, The cab I chased after. Your jacket. I awake early on Saturdays to your blue wall And freshly made yerba, lectures on nonlinear differentials. On Sundays we sleep late, Wrapped in sub-letted sheets Waiting for your lease to end before Sunday does. The ground is gone on Mondays, the sidewalk on Sydney street has crumbled I feel first-trimester-morning-sick And the sky is dinosaur-ending dark, thick with resentment. On Tuesdays I dream of moon-soaked swims among bay-big moons Silver saucered jellyfish that ripple through our hands
0
Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 8:52 PM UTC
Last Weeks
I know, ten dollar bottles of whiskey and cartons of Marlboros, are certainly a way to accelerate my untimely demise. But women, now that'll be the death of me. Underneath the drunken stupor behind the walls of smoke; I'm fragile as any fabric. I can only be cut and sewn so many times... Alas, as with all my vices; the whiskey, the drugs, the cigarettes, I'll dive head first into the next one. Give it my all. Take it or leave it, you'll have the best and worst of me. And when you leave it, I'll sew myself back together, just one more time... And it'll be on to the next one, until I die.
0
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 10:36 PM UTC
The Next One (Drunken Ramblings XXXIV)
The movement of her body was entirely too loud She is desert throat gasps When the water is so good She doesn’t stop for air Can hear her comin’ Her rusty train wreck tremble On loose tracks Her collapse is a cinderblock rain The crumble is so much quieter than the crash Her crumble is so much quieter than the crash Her hands shake as she swipes her EBT card for the fifteenth time She puts back the bacon this time Throws down 5.50 for the Marlboros She talks to herself Angrily Slams ever door she enters Every door she exits Her children think she is crazy She is crazy She is a body built On passive aggression And the threat of a shaky foundation When the earthquake hits Any day could be my last day you know Her son turns up the tv Her daughter plugs her headphones into her cd player Do you all think I am talking just to hear myself talk? And if you don’t stop sleep talking *Telling me you’re going to **** me* I am sending you to the hospital The boy mutes the tv Dries his eyes before they’re wet He shakes his head Begs her not to do that Says he doesn’t know he’s doing it Says he doesn’t want to **** her She walks away And he is left wondering I remind him later That we were not raised on truth So it’s hard sometimes To trust people I put a lock on his door Tell him to shut himself in at night As for the mother We don’t talk anymore Like I said She’s crazy And I’ve got too much of that myself already Somewhere a door is slamming Somewhere cinderblocks are crumbling quiet There is a sizzle like slowly cracking glass I feel it crawl my spine It crawls his The girl misses it Head buried in pop culture Going deaf in trying to drown out Her mother’s noise Do you think I am talking just to hear myself talk? As a poet I ask myself the same thing Ask how far the apple can fall from the tree If any one of us are lucky It will be just far enough
0
Apr 23, 2012
Apr 23, 2012 at 1:20 PM UTC
The Apple the Tree and a Crazy Woman (FLP)
The movement of her body was entirely too loud She is desert throat gasps When the water is so good She doesn’t stop for air Can hear her comin’ Her rusty train wreck tremble On loose tracks Her collapse is a cinderblock rain The crumble is so much quieter than the crash Her crumble is so much quieter than the crash Her hands shake as she swipes her EBT card for the fifteenth time She puts back the bacon this time Throws down 5.50 for the Marlboros She talks to herself Angrily Slams ever door she enters Every door she exits Her children think she is crazy She is crazy She is a body built On passive aggression And the threat of a shaky foundation When the earthquake hits Any day could be my last day you know Her son turns up the tv Her daughter plugs her headphones into her cd player Do you all think I am talking just to hear myself talk? And if you don’t stop sleep talking *Telling me you’re going to **** me* I am sending you to the hospital The boy mutes the tv Dries his eyes before they’re wet He shakes his head Begs her not to do that Says he doesn’t know he’s doing it Says he doesn’t want to **** her She walks away And he is left wondering I remind him later That we were not raised on truth So it’s hard sometimes To trust people I put a lock on his door Tell him to shut himself in at night As for the mother We don’t talk anymore Like I said She’s crazy And I’ve got too much of that myself already Somewhere a door is slamming Somewhere cinderblocks are crumbling quiet There is a sizzle like slowly cracking glass I feel it crawl my spine It crawls his The girl misses it Head buried in pop culture Going deaf in trying to drown out Her mother’s noise Do you think I am talking just to hear myself talk? As a poet I ask myself the same thing Ask how far the apple can fall from the tree If any one of us are lucky It will be just far enough
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63
Your love is hard like rocks in my belly in the morning; like starting the countdown to a three-day drunk a week later, at every turning point, every shadow of an angle, I am taking roads I have never crossed, I am watching water run in crystalline rivers toward alleys I've never known. When they ask me for money or Marlboros, I say yes, please, I would like those too. I would like to eat bagels in the sun with crinkly paper in my teeth and sour cream cheese sweetening in the liquor. My landscaper's shoulders and granite deltoids are now green with lime and lichens. Girls like to run their hands over them; but they are hungry for your hands and the lavishing footsteps of your fingernails. When I wake up I put enough water in the coffee-maker for about twenty cups, and enough ***** in those twenty cups for a three-day drunk. Your love is hard like ice-cold ***** and boiling coffee that mutilates tastebuds and makes my belly feel real good. But not talking to you for awhile; it's easier to warm up in the morning so I can cool down at night, and by the pink dawn of darkness I could get back to working my belly with ***** rocks, and Marlboros.
0
Feb 25, 2012
Feb 25, 2012 at 12:01 PM UTC
el amor de tu es dificil
Everybody loves ***** they tell you it's wrong to call it that: ***** My mother slapped me in the face when she realized I was thinking about it. I was five. She caught me sticking my hands down my pants handling the soft warm muscle of myself, as Jeri Ryan spoke cold and hard to me from the cargo hold of the U.S.S. Voyager. Jeri's **** were so hard and stoic in that grey spandex, and a slight camel toe took hold of my hand and my body cooled and warmed at the same time. When I was fifteen, I first felt one, a ***** It made itself known through a hole full of wetness and stink in Mary's bebe jeans. Mary, was a puerto-rican girl who smelled like marlboros and perfume. She talked about bubble baths. I took my finger and ran it through the rough fabric until i felt her. I felt her pelvic bone, and a soft, giving rubber of human flesh on the tip of my finger. In the movie theatre I searched until I felt an infinity of giving an indention in the soft flesh of breathing warmth and maximum. With a whole world in tow, the lander of my finger slowly entered a wet, sticky atmosphere poking, prodding, returning and re-entering this wet, fishy-syrupy smelling world. "I can feel your ***** I whispered. "Don't call it that." she hummed back.
0
Nov 21, 2011
Nov 21, 2011 at 12:13 AM UTC
Radio.
I find no luster in anything And I thought bringing you back Would bring meaning to my life again. I would love you to the moon and back If you would only let me. But instead, You left me hanging among the stars. Clothes shed like old skins Our feelings are left on the floor somewhere in between. We will not stop, cannot stop The smell of you makes my eyes sting And your touch makes me melt. Our lust burns like a cigarette And love is the smoke that chokes us Until we both black out. In fact, You bought me a pack of Marlboros that day On your way to my house. We sat on the deck intertwined As I smoked my life away. And now I don't know what to feel But it is better than feeling nothing at all.
0
Jan 10, 2014
Jan 10, 2014 at 9:21 PM UTC
Ex ***
**** it, imma go to the store and get a few more beers and some marlboros im stumbling all over the place making circles in the hardwood with my feet and swing doors in the air closed with spaghetti in my veins, but imma make it, imma shut that ******* dog up too, keeps barking, shut the **** UP. "That's Rob's dog," Elcie says, spit ripples at the corners of her mouth, and some baked ziti is rumored to be in the toilet. That ******* thing is getting six 60 milogram perky sets in his morning kibble, right after I puke some more baked ziti and wodka.
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Feb 25, 2012
Feb 25, 2012 at 12:49 PM UTC
**** It, imma go to the store.
Every day I rise from the ashes of my own pack of Marlboros and climb, fingernails cracked and bleeding clawing for the next hold, higher higher higher. I look down and see my feet inches above the ground and collapse in cold flame backward on the bed.
0
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 5:32 PM UTC
futility
I once shared a room for a week with Jesus He smoked Marlboros and enjoyed beef jerky People called him Zach But he was Jesus to me He heard voices and paced the rug all day He was hard on the rug He was hard on me When we smoked he would pace back and forth in the snow making a path, telling me that he was jesus and that I had an evil laugh He once told a girl to stop farting in his pacing space I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard There were times that Jesus made me nervous He would get an evil look on his face and then he would smile and tell me the world was going to end He talked alot about the world ending and what needed to be saved I was on top of that list I told him I didn't need to be saved and that I didn't believe in God It hurt him to know I didn't believe in his father He was an interesting character He had a drug problem and was schizophrenic I have a drug and alcohol problem and I'm crazy Together, we could save the world He was a conservative and I, a liberal Our politics clashed but we didn't clash Jesus and i got along just fine I would tell him he was a fool for blaming the worlds ills on liberals He would smile and tell me I was the devil Together we would laugh We disagreed on most everything We disagreed with smiles One day I left in an ambulance Jesus paced in his usual spot in the day room I could see him smiling As if to say "I told you so" As if to say "Everything will be okay" After a few days I was released from the hospital I often spent time wandering the streets One day I met a man out for a stroll with a cigarette It was Jesus He looked so glad to see me He said hello and called me Mike I said Hi and called him Zach We must have been using code names His secret was not yet known As I passed him we both turned around and smiled We both knew things had changed We knew we had to go our separate ways We did, but halfway down the block I turned to catch one more look at the son of God I still think of Jesus on a regular basis I should have had more time for him But I have a feeling he's doing just fine And I smile when I think about Jesus, somewhere out there saving the world
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Apr 2, 2013
Apr 2, 2013 at 10:52 AM UTC
Jesus: My Friend
I once shared a room for a week with Jesus He smoked Marlboros and enjoyed beef jerky People called him Zach But he was Jesus to me He heard voices and paced the rug all day He was hard on the rug He was hard on me When we smoked he would pace back and forth in the snow making a path, telling me that he was jesus and that I had an evil laugh He once told a girl to stop farting in his pacing space I thought that was the funniest thing I ever heard There were times that Jesus made me nervous He would get an evil look on his face and then he would smile and tell me the world was going to end He talked alot about the world ending and what needed to be saved I was on top of that list I told him I didn't need to be saved and that I didn't believe in God It hurt him to know I didn't believe in his father He was an interesting character He had a drug problem and was schizophrenic I have a drug and alcohol problem and I'm crazy Together, we could save the world He was a conservative and I, a liberal Our politics clashed but we didn't clash Jesus and i got along just fine I would tell him he was a fool for blaming the worlds ills on liberals He would smile and tell me I was the devil Together we would laugh We disagreed on most everything We disagreed with smiles One day I left in an ambulance Jesus paced in his usual spot in the day room I could see him smiling As if to say "I told you so" As if to say "Everything will be okay" After a few days I was released from the hospital I often spent time wandering the streets One day I met a man out for a stroll with a cigarette It was Jesus He looked so glad to see me He said hello and called me Mike I said Hi and called him Zach We must have been using code names His secret was not yet known As I passed him we both turned around and smiled We both knew things had changed We knew we had to go our separate ways We did, but halfway down the block I turned to catch one more look at the son of God I still think of Jesus on a regular basis I should have had more time for him But I have a feeling he's doing just fine And I smile when I think about Jesus, somewhere out there saving the world
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61
i probably fell in love with you the moment you asked if you could have one of my menthol Marlboros it's too bad the closest i'll ever get to you was the moment you lit your cigarette off of mine, inches away from my face it's too bad i wouldn't let you get closer even if you tried it's too bad she gets to call you hers it's too bad i'll probably never see you again anyway.
0
Feb 14, 2013
Feb 14, 2013 at 2:19 AM UTC
half assed valentine poem for a stranger
A girl flicked a lighter next to me, she flicked it on as the whole room pulsed and I felt strange because her skin was on mine, and Stephen rolled on stage. The cloud in the room was thick and it was a fog of Marlboros, Virginia Slims, Menthols, Menthol Lights, Kools, and all other sorts of ghosts. Stephen made fire with his hands, flailed like a marionette and let the spirits loose. He blew a baritone: "I feel like we can really get close to each other, in this tiny room." Demons can rise and make fire; can rise and make your belly feel like hell and molasses: black and sweet. Demons can rise together and make love in a tiny room that crackles.
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Feb 8, 2012
Feb 8, 2012 at 12:55 AM UTC
The Seance.