You lost a friend
Its gonna be alright
Your pet dyed
Its gonna be alright
You got hurt
Its gonna be alright
You cry
Its gonna be alright
You're heartbroken
Its gonna be alright
Your world is crashing down
Its gonna be alright
But what if it's not alright?
People always say
Its gonna be alright
But how do they know?
What if Its not gonna be alright?
What if you're broken and definitly not alright?
What gives them to right to say
Its gonna be alright?
Does that mean when it's not alright
I can blame them?
Because I don't feel it's gonna be alright
I feel shattered and far from alright
I just wanna shout it's not alright!
I just wanna scream stop saying alright!
But I can't
We both know it's not always gonna alright
But then again those are comforting words people say
Even with that I'm sick of the words
It's gonna be alright.
I'm just not alright!
I'm
Not
Alright!!

I'm never gonna have the love I need to be real
      It was stolen from me at birth
I'm never gonna have someone who show me unconditionally
     I'm always gonna be alone
I'm never gonna have a family, to take portraits with
     I'm never gonna have a soulmate
I'm never gonna be able to feel
     Safe in the life with someone
I'm  never gonna be normal
     I'm never gonna fit in
I'm never gonna do normal family stuff
      I'm never gonna be the person
Others can depend on, trust or need
      I'm always going to be looked at as damaged
I'm never gonna be loved like I should be
     I'm never gonna have these things
They are illusive to me

"AGoddessOriginal"
8/2011

its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better its gonna gett better

i'm gonna make it
im gonna take the hundred steps

i'm gonna make it
i'll take one day at a time and it will soon be ninetynine

i'm gonna be ok
lots people have climbed this before me

i'm gonna be ok
i can do it beacuse i'm strong

i'm fine for now
but it will get better
it wont be easy
it will take a while

but i'll make it
i'll be ok..

**(c.m.h)

everything gonna be alright
everything gonna be alright
everything gonna be alright
i think of what
i think of why
i think of when
i think of  how
i think of if
i think now
everything gonna be alright
everything gonna be alright
everything gonna be alright
i think of fighting
i thin of cutting
i think of what's in your head
i think go now
i think stop
i think of walking
everything gonna be alright
everything gonna be alright
everything gonna be alright
i think i think i think
everything gonna be alright

I remember it like yesterday
That night I saw you dance
You were alone, and I was watching
You had me in a trance

I was celebrating nothing
as you danced to the Bo-Deans
I knew I had to find out more
When I saw you in those jeans

It may as well be carved in stone
I'm never gonna change my mind
It's as good as done once I decide
I'm never gonna change my mind

We dated for a couple months
Marriage, well why not?
It was just the natural course of things
I didn't need a second thought

My friends kept working on me
Saying you're moving much too fast
She's nice but, do you know her
Are you sure that this will last?

It may as well be carved in stone
I'm never gonna change my mind
It's as good as done once I decide
I'm never gonna change my mind

Next in line, was having kids
That just made too much sense
And the the dog and the big house
with the old white picket fence

The rumours kept evolving
I just laughed at their attack
They said that you were cheating
That you had knifed me in the back

It may as well be carved in stone
I'm never gonna change my mind
It's as good as done once I decide
I'm never gonna change my mind

I chose not to believe it
You loved me, and I loved you
They were jealous we were happy
This was not what you would do

Then I caught you with our neighbor
You begged to stay, and I said no
I truly, once did love you
Now, it's time for you to go

It may as well be carved in stone
I'm never gonna change my mind
It's as good as done once I decide
I'm never gonna change my mind

You're never gonna change it
I'll never change my mind
It's set as hard as concrete
I'll never change my mind

Streetlamps pass by my windowpane
As the wheels turn, so does the day
I feel the weariness creep onto my brain
My eyes watch the sky as it turns gray

Back at the tracks I worked myself out
Blisters tore into my soles and soul
But I know when I reach the end of the route
My life will soon again be caught in my control

Because I know that my darling will be waiting there
And we'll both have a life just for us

She's gonna meet me, gonna kiss me from my head to my neck
She's gonna see me, gonna greet me with a ***** peck
And then we'll come home to our children at the time of the stars
Somehow I will get there by trains, planes, or cars

No matter how strong the wind may be
No matter the deadliness of the sun
I'll walk and wait throughout the barren country
Just so I can be with my loved one

Because I know she'll be standing, looking fair
And she'll embrace me at the stop of the bus

She's gonna meet me, gonna kiss me from my head to my neck
She's gonna see me, gonna greet me with a ***** peck
And then we'll come home to our children at the time of the stars
Somehow I will get there by trains, planes, or cars

The wind is growing colder now
It's been hours since I've been indoors
My toes are stiffer than I would allow
I don't think they'll again touch my home's floors

As hunger and sleep dominate my sides
I see my sweetie still waiting alone
The visions push me and become my guides
Because my unfortunate days are agone

She's gonna meet me, gonna kiss me from my head to my neck
She's gonna see me, gonna greet me with a ***** peck
And then we'll come home to our children at the time of the stars
Somehow I will get there by trains, planes, or cars

Rain’s a-coming, I’m seeking higher ground
Rain’s a-coming, I’m seeking higher ground
Ain’t gonna stay here, ain’t gonna stick around

River’s rising, gonna flood the town
River’s rising,  gonna flood the town
Ain’t gonna stay here; ain’t gonna be around

The wind’s a gonna blow, gonna blow your house down
Wind’s a gonna blow, gonna blow your house down
Better run for the hills, better run for higher ground

Down at the White House, they’ll say you don’t need to fear
Down at the White House, they’ll say you don’t need to fear
That there ain’t no global  warming, that there ain’t no change to fear

Don’t listen to the man,  hear the sky above
Don’t listen to the man, hear the sky above
Gotta save your skin, gotta save the things you love

Don’t listen to the man, listen to the wind
Don’t listen to the man, listen to the wind
Trump ain’t gonna  save you when the walls come caving in

Don’t listen to the man, listen to the sea
Don’t listen to the man, listen to the sea
The big wave’s a-comin’, coming for you and me.

I love how all the constellations are named after Greek heros. It reminds me that, even though mortals, they have vices too. I love around 5am when all the lights dim, after the **** ones have become middle aged, in their 12hour life spans. When the glitter fades and rests, more like sad stars and gold leaf.

I love naked white sheets, how they work like paint thinner to remove last nights fresco, how they dry you off after soaking in a tub of room temperature lovers. I love the cab rides you take back into yourself, away from the still beautiful people who are all elsewhere doing impossibly beautiful things. When you arrive home, you will greet the mirror like a criminal in a line up, with premeditated sins armed with brass knuckles and all the good intentions buried far beneath the rap sheet.

I plan to be a sinner tonight. Could’ve been something else but looked way too good in my red dress to be anything Christian. I was talking to three different men in five different languages. I was twisting a blunt straw into page forty-seven of the coma sutra. I was dancing in an attempt to melt the belts off every man in the room, but I heard the truth that night. A Turk speaking Spanish, didn’t know me from Adam said;

“Tú creas en Dios pero tu haces malas cosas” You believe in God but you do bad things.

Suddenly I realized that I was in a place where all they play is house music, but can’t really say I felt at home in the barely audible, barely recognizable zone between having a good time and simply wasting it. I was a glutton with a grin, drinking warm gin, knowing no ones name but somehow I was everyones friend. I was standing in stilettos that made me 6ft tall but still felt small. I was messing up the shoes I paid too much for and still hurt to walk in and talk about conviction.

Truth is nobody believes me when I say I’m a ******. Truth is, the Bible didn’t see the inside of my face for a week while I was on vacation. Truth is, I’m not innocent, I’m just an abstinent fireplace that doesn’t wanna feel the fire kindle between her legs anymore. So don’t mind the ashes they’re just evidence of how brightly I can glow and I wanna glow hard like one dim star on an otherwise starless night that shines just to prove its fidelity and I know what you must think of me. “What hypocrisy!” but I don’t wanna enter prayer reeking of my addictions. Stinking of cologne. I don’t want God to smell another man on me, mistaking ménage á trois for the trinity.

So, so thank God! Thank God the stars don’t judge us for what we do beneath them. Thank God the stars don’t see the evil we commit under their names. Thank God for the silence, for the dimness, for nights spent alone. Thank God for friends who know more than just your bra strap. Thank god for cab rides home, cause tonight I’m gonna strip the spotlight. Tonight I’m gonna turn off Frank Ocean. Tonight I’m gonna take off the stilettos. I’m gonna take off the turquoise rings. I’m gonna take off the lipgloss and I’m gonna sleep naked, not trying to be ****, just trying to be me. A girl with a shaved head and with eyes deep enough to stand in, with convictions strong enough to stand on.

I’m finding the mercy of God right where I’m standing and its binding, it’s blinding, it’s forgiveness, most of all it’s mine. So, so tonight I’m gonna sit out on the fire escape eating an apple and I’m gonna nickname the view Eden and I’m gonna look up at those tragic stars and their pagan hearts full of mourning and I’m gonna say; What a fall, but what light, what impossible light.

[Intro - Rihanna:]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse - Eminem:]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off a love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She ******* hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you!"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude?
"I don't even know his name."
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rihanna:]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse - Eminem:]
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting ******* sick of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window "pain"

[Chorus - Rihanna:]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse - Eminem:]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm ******, I'll lay my fist at the drywall
Next time? There will be no next time!
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to ******* leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna

[Outro - Rihanna:]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Daddy always said I was never gonna make it
Never gonna leave this town
Daddy always said to just go on and fake it
Never mind the cap and gown

Daddy always said there's no way out but dieing
Never gonna leave this town
Daddy always said there's no truth only lieing
No way up, there's only down

Daddy always said
Daddy always said

Work real hard and still you will go nowhere
Do your best, but this is where you'll die
Work real hard, but still you're getting nowhere
Ask yourself, why do I even try
Daddy always said

Daddy always said that school is just for losers
Never gonna leave this town
Daddy always said, there's no lovers just abusers
This place is gonna wear us down

Daddy always said, that I have no direction
Never gonna leave this town
Daddy always said, I was a waste of an *******
Never gonna leave this town

Daddy always said
Daddy always said

Work real hard and still you will go nowhere
Do your best, but this is where you'll die
Work real hard, but still you're getting nowhere
Ask yourself, why do I even try
Daddy always said

Daddy always said, to just follow the leader
Never gonna leave this town
Daddy always said, the town's  a monster and we feed her
Never gonna leave this town

Daddy always said, that we were both the same
Never gonna leave this town
Daddy always said, I was just a number not a name
And that is why I shot him down

Daddy always said
Daddy always said

Work real hard and still you will go nowhere
Do your best, but this is where you'll die
Work real hard, but still you're getting nowhere
Ask yourself, why do I even try
Daddy always said
Daddy always said
Daddy always said
Daddy always said....

Uhh..Young Ston Poet..
**** America, They really ain't doing nothing for us but causing mayhem & more trouble.. **** America.. (Yeah2)..America,don't give no ***** about what country is terrorizing us,its all lies propaganda, all they care for is that (dollar2)..bill dawg, that's all..its time to start realizing that before we all are silenced..Uhh, **** America,.. Yeah they really don't give a **** about us bru..man they rather see us killing each other & beefing over some dumb ****, they rather see us in these streets (doing nothing2)..but thuggin.. So (we gone **** Yeah4)..but we gone **** against America my *****...
(**** America2)..(Yeah2)...(**** America3)..(Yeah2)..
/(**** America3)..( Yeah2)../2
(We gone **** Yeah3)..We gone **** against America man,..

We gone stand together dawg. We gone overcome..Yeah, we gone take back our control, Yeah we gone, (overthrow2), all of this corruption, that's in front of us dawg, **** America, Yeah, they been lying to us for years & years, we still slaves mentally, got ****** mane, am I the only person who realize this, its like a witch has put a Ray Charles curse on all of us, the way we just let all of this fucc **** go on & on over our heads & just do nothing man..***** we so trapped, ***** we ain't free, Aye..
We need to wake up before its just to late & stop being so gullible & blinded by this curropt government.. **** America *****, Noo they don't want us to be nothing.. They rather just see us be bums man..They rather see us, be Thugs..well (Yeah we gone ****3)..We Thuggin, against America, we standing up for what is rightful ours, We taking care  of each other..Uhh..

Shoutout to all of my real leaders, that's still here doing they **** thing man..Its so many false prophets just telling lies,&  brainwashing our minds yeah making us into human robots, we working hard for nothing.. **** America my *****, don't trust em, or don't follow after them..Only God, my ***** don't even follow me, my ***** follow yoself, look up to yoself, be yo own leader man..Yeah..Uhh
Stand up for what's real,..Uhh..
/(**** America3)..(Yeah2)../2

Uhh,..The end of days is coming soon mane, I can feel it, ****, its like its so close my *****, I can taste it..Uhh its so much death around me dawg, can't you smell it my *****, Wake yall ***** up, dawg its America that has been the real terrorists this whole **** time my *****..Yeah America is IsIs,..& they tryna make it seem like its just Afghanistan man..Noo its not just them, the whole government system is, they always lying to us homie..
I'm going hard , like a lion, I'm wit my pacc, OFTR, we hungry & we fighting, Yeah we ready for war,..Ayee, its bout to get violent, Uhh..Only For The Real ., Im real ****** companion..I got my own campaign man, Yeah..but you don't even gotta vote for me *****..
I'm electing myself...Aye

(**** America2)..(Yeah2)..(**** America3)..(Yeah2)..(**** America2)..(**** em4)..(**** America2)..(Yeah2)..Uhh..(**** em3)..(**** America2)..
They don't give a **** about us..(Noo2,)Uhh,my *****,Noo..
They don't give a **** about us at all ..So..
(**** America8)
(Yeah2)..Uhh..We gone **** Yeah..We gonna **** Yeah...(**** America2),..Yeah *****.. We gonna **** Yeah..We gone **** Yeah..We gonna **** Yeah..(**** America2)..Yeah ***** we gonna **** Yeah..***** we gone **** Yeah..
/We gone **** Yeah..,We gonna **** Yeah, we gone (****3)..Yeah/2
(**** America2)..(Yeah2)
We gonna **** Yeah..We gone **** *****,Yeah we gonna **** *****..(**** America2)..We gonna **** Yeah..

OFTR man, we bout to start so many **** riots all across the world man, so yeah you better beware,Cuhz we bringing so much chaos & destruction to the white house kitchen table, now eat that up Obama, Uhh..you only betraying us behind our backs anyway..**** *****, you a ***** *** president.. Along wit the rest of them , Aye man Instead of being a puppet on a string my *****..(Imma be whoever I wanna be, Yeah2)..Imma be me my *****..I spit  my own verses & I clean  my own **** , no man can take control of me *****..Yeah..
(I'm gone **** Yeah..I'm gonna **** *****, yeah3)
**** America

(**** America3..)Yeah2)
They don't care about us they just want us all dead..They don't want us to be nothing Yeah..
So..(**** America3)..(Yeah2)
They can *******..They can all burn in hell...
President Obama is a Uncle Tom ***** *** *****..Yeah..(**** America3)..(Yeah*4)

PROLOGUE
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I should say something. No. This is the easiest way… the right way to say goodbye. Who am I kidding? This is definitely not the right way to say goodbye. I twist my key in the door; it’s always been a ****** to lock. After I manage it, I turn and set off down my street. The Parcel sitting in my crossed arms. I feel calm today. Unusually calm. I can’t figure out if it’s because it was my birthday yesterday and I am now 17, because it’s my favourite weather (sunny with a slight breeze) or because in 24 hours, I won’t be here to feel it anymore. I try to look confident as I walk into the post office. Non-suspicious. I don’t want the post-office lady thinking I look suicidal, breaking into my parcel, then calling the loony-bin and throwing me in there. “No-one cares enough to do that” I remind myself under my breath. I jump when the bell goes off as I open the door. ****. I forgot about that. Luckily, there is no-one at the counter to see my little moment that I am sure made me look more than on-edge, and I have to hit the bell twice before the short, wispy haired woman pops her head around the corner, followed by her unhealthily-large body. I place the parcel on the counter and tell her I need it delivered first class, so that it reaches where I need it to first thing tomorrow morning. I’ve only ever been in here once before; to post a letter to my brother’s primary school, pretending to be my Mum allowing him a day off school. I was full of excitement that day, making all of these plans in my head for what we would do on our ‘adventure day’. I can’t make any plans today. After the woman has taken my parcel, I turn and walk back out the door, taking note of the bell again. I realise that this may be one of the last noticeable sounds I hear.


LETTER 1
Ok, so you’ve seen the return name and address on this envelope, so you know who this is from and you are probably definitely wondering why I’ve sent you this… So before you read on, let me explain. I’m writing to you because we aren’t very close, and you can listen and understand what I have to say, without being objective to anything. You don’t know me very well, but I know you. I’ve watched you in class and seen how you are and the way you do things, and it inspires (sorry) inspired me. I don’t mean to be blunt, but everyone knows about what happened to you… well, yeah... But, I just want to ask, how did you deal with that? How did you manage to stay so strong even at the worst of times? I couldn’t, and my problems shouldn’t have even been in the same district of pain as yours. I wish I could have come to you earlier... I know you will be thinking that. ‘Why ask me this now that it’s too late?’ but I made my decision a long time ago and I just wanted you to know all of this, even now that you can’t answer me any of it. You see, things just got too much. And I know people say that all the time. But I really can’t handle being inside my head anymore. It’s hard to make sense of anything at all, everything is just so confusing. It’s like, I have the sense in my head that is telling me what is logical and right, but it is completely drowned out by all the other **** that tells me otherwise. And I can’t do it anymore. I’m so sick of being confused and miserable. I just want to die. And by the time you read this letter, I will have done.
The thought of suicide first entered my head about two years ago now. It was always more of a back-of-the-mind thought, never a solid plan; until a couple of months ago. That was when I decided it needed to be done. But timing was hard to plan. I knew that whenever I did it, it would rip my family apart, but I don’t want to talk about that too much in this letter. It’s not something I need to bore you with the details on. Basically, I’ve been procrastinating to try and make it easier on my family. Yes that’s naïve. I know. But not a lot of my thoughts are too rational at the moment. Ha. I guess since I decided, things have been a little easier in some ways… everyday things. The things I hate, I just keep thinking, another month and I’ll never have to face this again. I’ll be gone. But, it did make some things harder. My family trying to make plans with me for some point in the future, for example. I’ve just ended up with a huge reluctance to make any plans; to give anyone hope but it’s so hard and it’s breaking my heart to do that. I can’t bring myself to tell my little brother I won’t be able to make his football matches anymore, or see him start high school. It’s just that the idea of death is just so… relieving I guess. I’ll never have to experience confusion or hurt or misery again. But that comes at the price of giving up anything else. I decided it was worth that price a long time ago.
Sorry for going on about things that you probably don’t actually have any interest in. I don’t mean that in a malicious way, I just mean, genuinely, you don’t know me that well so why would you want to know the details behind my suicide? I just needed someone to tell the complete truth to, someone that it wasn’t going to hurt.
Anyway, I need you to do me a huge favour. In the package you found this letter, you’ll find 4 more, each in separate envelopes. They are named, addressed and stamped, and all I need you to do is post them for me. I’m sure you’ll be pretty confused to why I couldn’t have posted them myself, but the thing is, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And I trust you. Which leads to my next point, I trust that you won’t read the letters, but I want to ask you not to, just in case.
Thanks for listening; I hope it doesn’t take too long for my spot to be replaced in class… That has to be a little morbid. Ha.


LETTER 2
Hey buddy. I know you’re gonna be really confused right about now… And probably pretty angry with me for leaving you. But it’s gonna be ok little man, I promise it is. Before I do any explaining, I need you to promise me you’ll look after Mum and Dad, at least for a while. Things are gonna be pretty tough for a bit, but you’re gonna be the little hero of the house and you need to keep joking and laughing just like you do now. Give Mum and Dad a reason to smile, ok? For me. I don’t want to ever find out that you’ve changed. Not in the slightest. You’ve always made me smile, even when I’ve been sad, and now you need to do the same for Mum and Dad.
So, I’ll try explaining. You see, as people get older, things get very stressful. And some people, like you, are little tanks and can work your way through those stresses. But I’m not one of those people. And I’m so sorry. I’ve just been really sad for quite a long time now, and I want you to always remember that I’ll be happier up in heaven. I know how selfish that is, leaving everyone just so I’m happy, but as you get older I’m sure you’ll start to understand. But please just remember that I haven’t disappeared, I’m just up in the clouds now, and I’m gonna be watching down on you and looking after you still. No-one is ever gonna mess with my brother and get away with it, ok?
Do you remember that time I picked you up from school and I wasn’t in my uniform so you knew I’d been skiving? And you could tell by my face that I’d been crying so you just hugged me and told me not to worry because you wouldn’t tell Mum and Dad I’d skipped school. And then we went for ice cream and I chased you round the park. I was thinking about that earlier today. You’ve always been able to make me laugh, and make things feel better. You’re such a strong little man, and I’ve never seen anything hurt you. So I hope you can stay strong for me now.
You’re my little hero, and I hope you can forgive me one day. I’m so sorry buddy.
I’ll always be here, and love you.
Your big sis x


LETTER 3
Hey Dad. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I know I’ve left you with probably the biggest job of them all. It’s gonna fall on you to look after everyone now and I know that’s going to make this even harder for you. I’ve always looked up to you y’know? Even with all the times you embarrassed, or to phrase it better, completely and totally humiliated me. Like when you first met my boyfriend and you practically interrogated him. Jesus, I was not impressed. But all in all, you’ve always been the more laid back parent; i.e. the one that let me have a little more to drink than I should have at 14. So than-you for having fun with me, and I’m sorry for throwing it back in your face like this.
You deserve an explanation. I can’t narrow it down to any specific events, but I really haven’t been happy Dad. I’ve tried so hard to ignore it, or to solve it. But the thing is, it’s been so confusing trying to figure out what was wrong with me… And so tiring. And I don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to rest and be at peace. You have no idea how hard it is to say goodbye, but I need to do it; for me. I’m so sorry for lying to you, and for acting like everything was ok. But I need you to not blame yourself in the slightest. You have made me so happy, so often. Our jokes and the times we have spent together mean so much to me… and you need to know that none of that was ever faked. I want you to remember me as the happy, lively daughter I was. Please. You have made things a lot easier for me and I just wish I could feel like that all the time. It’s when I’m alone that I can’t cope. I wish I could explain it to you better than that, but I can’t even get the thoughts straight in my head, never mind write them down. So I’m sorry for that, too.
I didn’t suffer any pain. You need to know that, too. It was about a month ago I decided to use pills. I did my research and completely knew what I was doing, and trust me, I was in no pain. I chose pills because it would leave me looking relatively normal, and I could do it at home, where I felt the safest. I don’t know who found me, but I want you to give them my greatest apologies. I can’t even imagine… I know these are not the things you want to be hearing, but they are things I need to tell you. I decided when I was gonna do it about 2 months ago. It was one night after I got home from school, before anyone was in. I thought about how easy it would be to just do it then and there, but Mums birthday was coming up, and mine was only 2 months away, so I decided to wait. I think it was in a vague attempt to make it easier on you guys, and to get my birthday out of the way first. At least I would be 17 then, and I suppose I thought a news story of a girl committing suicide at 16 sounded a little melodramatic, so I waited.
And I’m so glad I did. I’ve had the best times with you in these last couple of months. Mums birthday was fantastic; it was so nice having everyone together, but so hard to lie to you all. I’m so sorry. It was a struggle every day to keep going on, but I knew that I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore if I could just make my ‘deadline’.
Not to put any more pressure on you, but please look after Mum. I’m freaking out about how she is going to deal with this. I can’t explain how horrible and hard this is to write. I feel so guilty. And I can’t deal with it. Just please make sure everyone is ok. I’m just going round in circles here. I know this is going to break your heart Dad, and I’m so, so sorry. I love you so much, and I hope you and Mum can carry on with your lives. Give the little one everything now, and make him the most spoilt, special little boy you can. (Joking, obviously). Ha.
Stay strong for me Daddy; I’ll see you again one day, I’ll always be your little girl x


LETTER 4
Mum. Mummy. I am so sorry I’ve done this to you. It’s heart-breaking writing this letter and this is so surreal knowing this is going to be sent to you. I’m racked with guilt for doing this to you. I love you Mummy, and I always will. You can’t let this ruin a single thing for you ok? You need to get on with your life, and enjoy it. Spoil the little one (as I’ve told Dad; that is a joke) but do make sure he’s as happy as possible.
We’ve always been close, and that’s why this has been so hard to do; to lie to you about. But I had made my decision a while ago; I didn’t want to be here anymore. And I didn’t want to have to deal with you trying to convince me otherwise. I just lost control. I couldn’t keep myself happy, and I relied on other people too much. It wasn’t fair. So I did what was best for me, and for everyone.
You gave me the best send off. My birthday. I was happy that night, for a while at least. And in that time, I almost reconsidered. Almost. But really, I had a great night. I wasn’t expecting anything special; I didn’t think I deserved anything, especially with what I was planning… What I was about to do to you all. But when I opened the door and walked in and you and Dad and the little one and my boyfriend, along with the rest of the family were there, it made me feel happy, and proud to have a family like you. (Speaking of my boyfriend, keep an eye out for him will you? You know how serious we were, and just keep him close by. I want you to all stay close now that I’m gone. You’ll all have your letter, with your little piece of me, and you’ll need each other’s support) Anyway, as I was saying… Acting like everything was gonna be ok that night was hard though. I wanted to tell you so badly that I wasn’t ok, that your baby girl was breaking on the inside. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want help. I just wanted to be gone; at peace, finally. I’m sorry that this is the first you will hear of any of this. I can’t imagine how confused you are.
I have a couple of confessions to make before I go. Remember that time you got a call of school, double-checking a hospital appointment for the little one? And you argued with the school office lady for about half an hour, telling her he was definitely in school that day because I vouched for taking him to school that morning, and picking him up? Yeah, that’s not exactly what happened. Let’s just say, we needed a bit of brother-sister bonding, and I took him out for the day. I forced him into it and it was 100% completely my fault… and if I find out he gets in trouble for this, I will haunt you. Sorry. This isn’t the time for jokes.
I love you so much Mum. I’m trying to keep this letter a little more light-hearted, because if I don’t I’m going to break down, and I can’t risk changing my mind. Not when I’ve got this far and have everything planned out this well. This is happening. And I’ve known that it’s been inevitable for a while now. It has just been a case of timing. I hope I got that right.
Please don’t be too angry with me, or find it in your heart to forgive me one last time? I’m always going to be looking out for you, and everyone else of course, but you especially. You’ve been my guardian angel since the day I was born, and now it’s my turn to be yours. You’ve given me everything you possibly could, and you’ve been the best Mum anyone could be. Never take any blame for this. This is just an issue with me personally. And I’m sorry it has to affect you in the biggest way possible.
I will always love you and need you Mum. And I’ll always be your baby girl. X


LETTER 5
Now then you, this is going to be the hardest of all my letters to write. You’ve always made me happy you know? Not once that I’ve been with you have I wanted to do this, it’s just when I’m alone that it gets me. You have given me the most amazing relationship anyone could have asked for, and I know that I haven’t deserved it in the slightest. That’s made it harder I guess. Because as much as I love you, I know you could do so much better than me… ‘The ****** Up Girl’ as your ‘friends’ like to call me. Thank-you for not listening to them, even if what they were saying is true. You’ve always seen the true side of me, and you’ve known how much I’ve struggled getting by. But I still don’t think you would have ever expected this, and I’m truly sorry for that.
First of all, I want to tell you that, without you, this would have happened months ago. You are the main thing that has kept me going, so you should be so happy with yourself for that. I’ve been considering this for about 2 years now, and it’s just that recently, things have been tough with people at school starting to find out how depressed I am. The things people say are horrible. But I don’t want you to mention that to my family. I don

Four days left 'till Christmas
I'm trying to get home to you
I'm in Nevada in the mountains
With the sky an eerie blue
I'm driving past my limit
Awake on pills and joe
Trying to get back cross the country
Trying to beat the coming snow

Snowflakes burst like little bombs
On my windscreen in the night
I can't see where I'm going
My blades are frozen tight
I'm driving to the image
That is fading out of sight
I'm gonna get back home for Christmas
I'm gonna help make Christmas right

Three days now till Christmas
In the Dakotas, stuck in snow
My windows frozen open
And you should hear the winter blow
I'm not stopping 'till I get there
Although you seem so far away
I'm gonna be back home for Christmas
I'll be with you on Christmas Day

Snowflakes burst like little bombs
On my windscreen in the night
I can't see where I'm going
My blades are frozen tight
I'm driving to the image
That is fading out of sight
I'm gonna get back home for Christmas
I'm gonna help make Christmas right

Two days now till Christmas
In Minnesota, freezing cold
I've  drunk five thermos'  full of coffee
I've put my bladder right on hold
I'm blazing through the streamers
Right through the drifts, some ten feet high
I'm driving back to you for Christmas
I'll be back home, unless I die


Snowflakes burst like little bombs
On my windscreen in the night
I can't see where I'm going
My blades are frozen tight
I'm driving to the image
That is fading out of sight
I'm gonna get back home for Christmas
I'm gonna help make Christmas right

One more day till Christmas
I've crossed the line into our state
I'll make it home to you by morning
So, Christmas breakfast...it's a date
I've driven across the country
To get back home, where I should be
I'll be there when you both wake up
Waiting by the Christmas tree

Snowflakes burst like little bombs
On my windscreen in the night
I can't see where I'm going
My blades are frozen tight
I'm driving to the image
That is fading out of sight
I'm gonna get back home for Christmas
I'm gonna help make Christmas right

It's Like, I don't care about nothin man...

sigh

I was gonna clean my room, but I'm too depressed...
I was gonna get up and find the broom but I'm such a mess...
my room is still messed up and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna go to class but I'm so depressed...
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I'm such a mess.
I am taking it next semester and I know why,
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna go to work but I'm too depressed
I just got a new promotion but I'm such a mess
now I've got a rope and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna go to court but I'm so depressed
I was gonna pay my child support but I'm such a mess
they took my whole paycheck and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I was gonna make love to you but I'm too depressed
I was gonna eat yo ***** too but I'm such a mess
now I'm jacking off and I know why,
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I messed up my entire life because I'm depressed
I lost my kids and wife because I'm depressed
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why
why man?
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed
  because I'm depressed...

sigh

I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm depressed
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm depressed
and if I dont sell one copy I know why
why man?
  cause after this verse
  I'll be in a hearse
  cause I'm so depressed...

*sigh

You looked me in the eye today for the first time in three weeks. The silent conversation went like this:

"Hey, it's me. Haven't heard from you in a while. Call me back."

Hello, promise breaker. I bet you never thought you'd see the scar on my forehead again. Here it is, my mother's voice paired along with it, "αντίο". You don't speak the language I hate myself in. You don't see what I see, two tabs a day does this to me.

"Uh, hey. It's been a while. Gimme a call. Bye."

My hair is parted to the other side, like it? Of course you don't. You hate change. You hate looking at the empty spot in your heart. I packed my **** up and moved out a month ago. Took all my liquor and all my cologne and boxes of chocolate and handwritten letters too.

"Getting kinda worried. Call me back. I love you."

Speaking of my letters, have you read them lately, Lauren? Have you read all the times I called sunshine? Wanna think of it now? Wanna think of how you've cried yourself to sleep over me every night for the past week? That's what I thought.

"Look, I'm not mad. We can fix this. Please call me."

Okay, yeah. No one knows about us. No one knows I'm hiding. Let's keep it that way? Hey- quit crying. Guys don't go for that. I'm not there to see it either. Waste that on someone else.

"Please pick up."

You're gonna miss me. You're gonna miss loving me. You're gonna miss the silent denial that it's over. You're gonna miss being upset with me because at least I was there. You're gonna miss my eyes when I stared at you like you were my whole **** world. You're gonna miss crying into my t-shirts. You're gonna miss me keeping you up all night. You're gonna miss my sense of style, me always sending you new shoes. You're gonna miss my sense of humor. You're gonna wish I was ruining your life. You're gonna wish I was there at all.

*"... Love you."

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
Who is gonna be the first one to forget?
When all the demonstrations have died away
and there are no news articles left

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
when no more pictures are shown on the tv
When no one has anything to say
and the event becomes dust in history

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
When the radio goes silent and still
When no one has time to pray
When we ignore action we told them we would fulfill

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
When indifference has damaged our head
and the only ones keeping the memories at bay
Are those still mourning the dead

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
When the rubble has been rebuilt
When peace has once again been displayed
and we lose track of responsibility and guilt

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
When the story does not touch us anymore
and the event seems unimportant and gray
Until it happens once more

Who is gonna be the last one to forget this day?
Will it be you or me?
Who will still remember the scars in their hearts
When no one else wants to see

I cant wait to speak to you now
To see your face
Your my home
Your what i know
And when i said i hated you
It wasnt true
But i do hate what youve done to me
I hate that i love you
A little bit
A lot
Now
Now when i feel crazy
And then actually
Then when i said i hated you, cos i was crazy, cos i love you, and thats what this love has done to me, made me crazy, an thats what i hate.
Oh and now
Because your away and i cant see you and feel you and make you laugh, i really want to make you laugh
And see your smile
And taste your lips
And make you ***
I fantasise daily
About how im gonna tie you up and make you *** the night you get back
In reality il probably be shy
But i have friends, i have hobbies, i have important **** to do for **** sake
But im sitting here, missing you
Writing this
Recording shows and films on the box for us to watch together when you get back
The notebook
We have to watch the notebook
And im fine
Dont get me wrong im fine, i get to sleep okay
And im chillin, seein people, might see matt this week, talking to didi an toe, seeing family
Im fine, please dont get a big ego
But im just not
Home
Im not tingly
Or excited
I cant explain it
I dont have you
I dont have you in my arms an sometimes that makes me sad
And then i start thinking about all the things that iv done wrong
And all these great things im gonna do when ur back
I am, im going to appreciate you more
And im going to play cool a bit more
Dont know how im gonna do both
But i am
Im gonna appreciate you because i want to,
Because i look back on this short time weve been together and so many things that you have done for me make me smile, make me so grateful and make me so happy. Like the cash machine one :) and staying at my house when i was at work, and being patient when i dont know what to wear(corfu and tims)
And all this makes me think, ****. What have i ever done for this boy
He is amazing and he loves me, **** knows why but he does and its insane
Oh and then im gonna play it cool, thats right
Im gonna play it cool because i dont want to ruin it
I dont want to show too much
Of my feelings of absolute passionate never-before-felt-like-this love!
And i dont want those nice things you do to stop
I dont want you to stop trying
Because its boring
Because you know youve got me
Got me ignoring other guys texts
Got me thinking about no one else but you
Got me absorbed in you
Got me missing you like crazy, writing stupid love notes at midnight, drinking rose on my own, when i havnt seen you for a mere two weeks
That kindov got me
Thats what you cant know
So im gonna miss you
But then im gonna see you
Soon
Soon im gonna wrap my whole body around yours like a vice
I wanna jump on you, i wanna run an jump when i see you like we used to do in the corridor of galbraith
Even tho i know im so heavy
You dont act like i am
And i wanna bury my head deep in your neck and kiss it
And now i cant write anymore
Cos its too much
So il watch kardashians
Take my mind of you
Not long now and il be home
I mean, you'll be home.

Our family got the news today
Our bubba's gettin' hitched
Young Daisy Mae, she's near fourteen
Got our boy bewitched
He's sayin' that he loves her
He's making her his bride
She's the first to get him this close
Though not too many tried

We've got to get things ready
Send invitations and make candles
We've got to get the good jars out
The one's that still have handles
The minister is on alert
We've got to make some shine
Grandpa says he'll make some up
But, it will not all be mine

Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow

This time there'll be no shotgun
Like the last time for old Ben
This time the guns are empty
Not the way they were back then
The banjos will be tuned up
There'll be music in the air
The cops won't try to stop it
I think most will all be there

The ladies will be planning
Just how to serve up all the grub
While Bubba has to find a suit
And therein lies the rub
He's never worn a suit at all
Not even for a day
He's only dressed in coveralls
And that's how he's gonna stay

Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow


It'll be a **** dang doodle
A hell of a good time
It'll only be completed
When they run out of the shine
there'll be singing and some dancing
Underneath the harvest moon
We can't wait for it to happen
It cannot come too soon

There'll be readings from the bible
Which the minister will read
And as good holy Christians
Everyone will heed
There's sure to be some fighting
Before the couple say "I do"
I mean, they are both cousins
I'm gonna go...aren't you?

Gonna have a wedding, a real old fashioned bash
With all sorts of kissin cousins drinkin from their secret stash
The food will be impressive, there'll be turkey, pig and cow
The family won't get bigger, since we're related anyhow

Well... hello there,
C'mon tell me what to do,
Give me roads that I should follow
And rules to comply to.
Tell me how I should behave
And what words to use,
Tell me how to act, to eat, to breathe
And tell me I'm no good.
Because society accepts...
What they want, what did you thought?
What they think it's manageable
And what they think won't rot.
I'm gonna listen carefully,
Nah, I am gonna obey.
I'm gonna follow every rule
Believing that you'll stay.
I am gonna make you happy,
I am gonna make you proud,
Until it brakes me
And I brake the others around!
I'm gonna comply yelling at others
So they can obey too.
I'm gonna be happy
When they will feel helpless
And I'm gonna beat them smooth.
I'm gonna run over their soul
So I can be a queen.
Nah, I am gonna be an empress
And crush everything in between!

Because that's what your scenario looks like
And **** human... it ain't right!
Life is not rules, life is not fight.
But no, please, don't listen to me!
Do your hobby and crush away
Everything you see.
I talk to myself and I love how it goes,
I love when I'm angry
And I love how myself takes away that pain,
Turns it into treasure,
And hide it's remains.
Too much time I've spent
On judging, hating, criticising
And I'm gonna let you believe
That I am better and I am cooler,
But no, I was judging the decisions
That I took without control,
Hating the consequences
That blurred my very soul,
Criticising my existence
That always seemed so long.

I am not the author of my life,
I am just orchestrating some words.
I won't tell you that I was blind,
I won't tell you that I was deaf,
I will tell you that knowing was not in depth...
I will tell you that I am myself,
And myself loves very much,
The people... and the hell
That they bring into my life.
Myself knows who I am
And myself learns who I will be
Because myself, I and me
Are gonna change and in between
I'm gonna have a break
And tell you I am clean.
I am clean of all the hatred
Because I stopped hating myself,
I start enjoying the wind and the people I kept.
I stopped feeling like nothing
Because in the end
You are the one that sets
All the roads to your aim.
And trust me and listen very carefully,
I know I told you not to listen
But this time I want you to see,
That your paths are millions
And your skills are without number
But here is the catch,
You'll only see what you're ready to see
And only will try to become what you need.
You will be fearless and loving and kind,
If only your mind will comprehend.
So don't run away pretending
That you're a king without an ending.
And don't tell me what I should do or don't
Because it's not a choice to represent myself.
It's an order from above
To cherish my being with everything involved.

You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes? Sad isn’t it? How no matter what you do or say to me… when you come running back… when you need me again… I’ll be here… right here waiting for you, I’ll take you back… no questions asked. Sad isn’t it?

So… from now on… when you think of me… just remember that I could’ve been the best thing you ever had You hurt me more then I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more then you deserve, why am I such a fool? You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself… everything is.

You wonder why I don’t talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that everything I want to say I can’t tell you anymore I don’t know which I would rather believe… that you never did care or that you eventually stopped Hold my hand, just one more time, so I can remind myself why it is that I can’t get over you I think its time I let you go… and that is hard to do because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life.

While I was holding on all you did was let go Sometimes it’s better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they’re supposed to have The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone’s heart. Including your own.

All I’m asking for is one night together. Just you and me. All alone. And if you can honestly say you don’t feel anything for me after that night, I will finally let you go Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found No one can promise they’ll never hurt you because at one time or another, it will happen. The real promise is if the time you spend together will be worth the pain in the end.

The worst feeling in the world is knowing you’ve been used and lied to Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone I don’t know which is worse, being the one with the broken heart or being the person that breaks the hearts It’s not that we aren’t meant to be together, I think that we’re just not ready for forever You always have an out An exit strategy to make sure you don’t get hurt  You always walk always  You walk away before they can walk away from you There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime.

Somehow I know we’ll meet again, not quite sure where and not sure when, your in my heart so until then good-bye If you think you’ve found that one that you really love… make sure they love you back Don’t hate me. Don’t regret me. Don’t even forget me Wherever you go, whatever you do, don’t say I never loved you It’s hard to love someone who’s in love with someone else, you have to ignore the pain and swallow your pride. Just to be a friend… but that’s all worth it because sometimes friendship last longer than love.

I haven’t been around but that doesn’t mean I'm there for  Even when I was acting like a fool I’ve tried to show you in a million ways but nothing ever got through I cut to prove to you that you are not the only one that can hurt me I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could ******* drown you in them Sometimes I love you, Sometimes you make me blue, Sometimes I feel good, At times I feel used. Loving you darling makes me so confused get weak, that is my problem…

But the thing that I want you to see the most is that I survived without you I don’t think I ever felt that good and that bad at the same time in my life Sometimes I have been thinking a lot about growing up, and all of the relationships and broken hearts we go through. I always wonder how many times I said “I love you” to someone  Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be Don’t stay because you think “it will get better”. You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within I may hate myself in the morning But I’m gonna love you tonight Relationships are like glasses. If they break, let them stay broken, you’ll only hurt yourself trying to fix it. At least the pieces still remain Why do we fall for someone, who really isn’t for us?… should we blame ourselves for falling the wrong one. Or… should we blame the one we fell for, because… they made us believe that they are the right one for us?!

There will always be faces you can never look at without emotion and there are names you can never hear spoken without that same old feelings returning. Just when you think you can move on, you’ll remember all the reasons why you held on so long The only thing worse than a broken heart is knowing you’d give him another chance.
I don’t understand why I let myself stay with you, after all the lies and all the tears cried. What makes you so ******* special?

Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone… too often we wait too long to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong” There’s nothing scarier then getting what you want, cause that’s when you really have something to lose.

I’m mad at myself for crying, I don’t even remember the reason but the tears keep flowing and they just wont stop I’m supposed to be strong but everything’s so wrong Maybe sometimes you just have to say what’s in your heart, not just what you think someone wants to hear I’m sorry that I’m not the one you wanted that I made your life ****** up its not telling you how I feel that scares me. Its what you’ll say back that does.

Learn from your past, move on, grow stronger. People are fake, but let your trust last longer. Do what you got to do, but always stay true, and never let anyone get the best of you.

I think it’s time that I let you go. And it’s really hard for me to do because I know that there’s a part of me that will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But this while running in place and day dreaming is just not healthy for either of us.

Not everything’s gonna be picture perfect… Things sometimes take time and have rough times to get through… Before you can get there but if you give up on things you want, everything you’ve gone through ends up being completely worthless If one day you realize that I haven’t talked to you in a while it’s not because I don’t care anymore it’s because you pushed me away and just left me there…

The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down.
Just hit play and watch my life fall apart I can’t help myself I don’t want anyone else You are unmistaken ably my first love. Every guy I am with for the rest of my life will be compared to you Hold me when I cry, sleep with me on my drenched pillow, just for one night.
I know it’s hard to love me, but couldn’t you please just try anyway?
Time and time again, I forgave you. I’ve forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I’d never forgive someone for… and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgive you And these break up songs Are making sense again And I really wish they didn’t.

It’s amazing after all we’ve been through the good times and the bad how we can walk past each other and pretend like it never happened give each other an awkward smile and move on It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go but its even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to stay.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
You didn’t intentionally break my heart, you even said you were sorry, but I cried anyway… I know the truth that you’re to scared to admit, you’re with her, but when you look at me, you can’t even remember her name

I’m  hurt. I am always getting my heart broken over and over. My heart has so many scars and bruises all over it. I don’t know how much just one heart can
take really, and I don’t really want to find out either.
After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand, and falling in love. You’ll learn kisses don’t always mean something. Promises can be broken just as easily as they were made, and as hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are forever.

Life doesn’t hurt until you have time to yourself to think about how things have changed, who you’ve lost along the way, and how much of it is your fault.
It’s like once you’ve been hurt, you’re so scared to get attached again. you have this fear that every person you start to fall for, is just going to break your heart again If you don’t love me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best Make me stay Say something sweet and tender and untrue and make me stay.

The hardest thing about knowing you don’t love me
is that you spent so much time pretending that you did Like being in love there must be a corresponding painful side like losing in love, it’s just a fact of life You really know you love someone when all you want is for them to be happy, even if that means that you are not a part of me It’s not my fault if I can’t help looking at you. It’s not my fault if I can’t stop calling you. It’s not my fault I do like you. My only mistake was to fall to much in love with you Sometimes – no matter how long, or how much you love someone, they will never love you back and somehow you have to learn to be okay with that.

If your gonna make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears.
I’m holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won’t There’s always that one special person that no matter what they do to you, you just cant let them go At first, I cried because I didn’t have you why do I still cry now that I do?
How could you make me love you and then not be there to love me back?

I sit here and think about everything that happened this past week and not a single tear runs down my cheek. Maybe its because I’m too hurt to cry, or maybe I’m just to mad at you Maybe just  its my hearts way of telling me this isn’t over yet What do you do when the only person who can stop your tears is the one making you cry I’d like to think I’ll be happy again, but I really need to just stop and cry now, and sometimes I wish I could just scream at you, and show you what you do to me.

And even though you lied, and even though you pretended to care I can’t seem to get you out of my mind and even though it seems like I should be over you, with every tear that falls, it reminds me of how much I am still in love with you.

Have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave and never come back but yet, loved them so much, you knew you'll die if they did?
I’ve been through this pain before I’ve even cried these tears before but to get you back, I’d go through so much more  I’m going to smile like nothings wrong, talk like everythings perfect, act like its just a dream and pretend that she’s not hurting me The truth of the matter is, I still have feelings for you And no matter how many times I tell myself that I’m better off with out you, a part of me just won’t let go I know I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, but the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most wouldn’t hurt me again.

I feel like I am sitting in a room full of people that I love, and you know what, they just don’t care that I love them. They don’t care whether or not I live or die. To them I’m just another person , just another stranger. To me, they are my best friends, the only people I have left I’m scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love, it never seems to last You’re the reason I live and the reason I die, you’re the reason.

I smile yet break down and cry, you’re the reason I keep going and the reason I fall, cause without you in my life I’m nothing at all I have waited for you for years and I will wait for you for the rest of my life. Even if that means I have to give you up for the rest of my life, I will wait for you.

I’m gonna smile, because I wanna make you happy, laugh, so you won’t see me cry. I’m gonna let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I’m gonna smile.
Love? It’s kind of complicated, but I’ll tell you this the second you’re willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that’s love right there.

You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself everything is.
I used to think that if I loved you enough you would realize it and love me back,
I don’t know which is worse, keeping your love for someone a secret or telling them and risk being rejected I don’t know which is worse, loving someone knowing its going to cause you pain or being in pain because you can’t love someone It hurts to realize that them people you thought you’d love for life don’t love you as much as you thought they did and can do without you as if they never knew you at all It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall.
Ever notice that the people who hurt you the most are the ones you tend to love more It’s funny the way you can get use to the tears and the pain.
No more crying, I can’t cry anymore. Don’t take my hand this time. Just go please and don’t look back, because I know if you did, I’d come running back to you and I can’t do that.

I’m glad you’re happy. I can’t say that I’m completely happy for you but I guess that’s just a part of life, I’ll always have feelings for you but the rest of the world is forcing me to move on.
I would rather leave now still loving you then to leave later hating you.
Broken heart again. Another lesson learned. Better know your friends. Or you will get burned.

Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know. Sometimes our vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears.
Walk home drowning these memories in the rain biting my lip to transfer this pain, your gone and I’m still going through withdrawals, next time around I’ll build a stronger wall You and me are inevitable, you’re all that makes me happy but if you break my heart again, I’ll **** you.

I’ve been laying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes I do think about you, every now and then I’m not afraid of heights, I’m afraid of falling. I’m not scared of the dark, I’m scared of what’s in it. I’m not afraid of love, I’m afraid of not being loved back.

I didn’t ask for it to be over, but then again, I didn’t ask for it to begin. For that’s the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could ******* drown you in them.

I hate the way I could never hate you.
I want to cry, I really do, but I guess I just don’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you hurt me once again I remember when I still believed the things you said You can’t just cling on to something because it’s familiar Difficult or easy, pleasant or bitter, you are the same you; I cannot live, with or without you.

This time its over I’m keeping my heart, I’m gonna be strong and not fall apart it’ll get better, I’ll no longer cryin a couple of weeks I won’t want to die, I won’t want to go back. I’ll be able to sleep, it won’t hurt so bad and it won’t hurt so deep!

It hurts to see someone you love ignoring you, it also hurts to see that he doesn’t feel your love. But it hurts even more to know that he loves you too, and just doesn’t want you to know Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings I’d rather be your lover then your friend, but I’d rather be your friend then your nobody.

I’ve convinced everyone else that I don’t like you