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You hurt me
I have the scars to prove it
Never could I see forgiving you
Never could I see having you here again
But here we are
And I think I can now
I'm not who I was
You're not who you were
And that's why I forgive you
It was you who hurt me back then
Not you who's here right now
My scars don't hurt
They only prove I'm not who I was
Who I am now can forgive who you were
Because who you were is not who you are
Everyday we change
Everyday something shapes us
And I think its been long enough
Long enough that the days have worn down your hard edges
And thickened my soft spots
Who you were would never apologize
Would never come back
But here we are
And you mean it now
So lets take things one step at a time
Explore who we are
Who we've become after our time apart
And let the days shape us
Into who we will be
Those you knew
You don't anymore
They look the same
But they're not
Their body still moves
They still breath
Still speak
But the person you knew
The one you loved
That person is dead
Someone new stands where they did
Someone speaks with their voice
This person is not yours anymore
Your person is now only a memory
Never to return
You watched them change
Watched a their bodies remain as the person you knew left
One day they'll complely fade
One day you'll truly have to lay them to rest
But today they walk amongst the living
No one knowing they're different
Not knowing that they used to be someone else
The person you loved is gone
The person you see is not yours
They are now one of the living dead
Everyone things differently
I know this
Always known this
But sometimes I have to remind myself
I have to tell myself again and again
"They don't thing like me"
Because sometimes I forget
Well not forget
Just think that somethings are universal
It's those times I think like that
That I be reminded
Because almost no thought is universal
Almost no thought is in everyone's favor
It may be common
It may be thought often
But no thought is universal
I have to remind myself of this
I have to
Or it hurts more
It hurts when I think one way
And know others don't
When I think things should be one way
Yet see them go another
When I think someone should be there
But they're not
Every time
Every single time
The only thing that keeps me going
Only thing that keeps me from breaking
Is reminding myself
Reminding myself that they don't thing like me
I'm sure there are people agree with me
I know there are
But not everyone I meet will think the same
Not everyone will see the same thing
You can show two people the same thing
And you'll get two different perspectives
You tell two people you'll always be there for them
You'll get two definitions of always
One may think it means for a long time
The other may think it means being there 24/7
You meant you'll be there when you can
Yet all think always
That's why when someone tells me one thing
I have to learn their definition
So I won't hurt too much when it doesn't match mine
And so that I remember their following through
Just according to their definition
Not mine
Because it hurts less
Because it easier this way
I just have to keep telling myself
Reminding myself
Reminding myself that they don't think like me
I'm the sum of all my parts
I'm what you get when you put the pieces together
But all these parts
All these pieces
Are "too" something
Never the right amount
I'm "bossy"
Meaning: I'm "too" assertive
I'm a "complainer"
Meaning: I'm "too" opinionated
I'm not sexually attractive
Meaning: either I'm "too" ugly
Or "too" fat
I'm "complicated"
Meaning: I'm "too" much of a mess to deal with
I'm "friendly"
Meaning: I'm "too" close to ever be considered
I'm so many things
Meaning: I'm "too" me
This little pink ball looks so tiny and innocent hidden behind a flap of skin.
I am its master.
You are at my mercy once I take hold of it.

I will tease you for hours and then finally see it.
A little pink ball glistening with your ***** excitement.
Even not a touch, but just circling around it,
playing with the skin that covers it slightly.

I can push down a little and make you lose control.
I can rub it and watch your muscles tense and spasm.
You buck and groan wanting more.
The little pink ball ***** as it will go.

I twist it between my fingers
as your legs twitch and sweat.
As I stop right before you hit ******,
edging you,
teasing you all night long.

I will leave your beautiful red lips,
and put mine to your little pink ball.
Slowing licking it,
as you once again convulse uncontrollably
from the sensation of my tongue.

It becomes too much and you

You lay their exhausted,
sweat dripping from your forehead.
with that goofy satisfied smile on your face,
like nothing else in the world matters.

I watch you and admire my handiwork.
I finally speak,

“My turn”
My hands look different
My feet look different
My ankles look different
My face
My hips
My wrists
My thighs
My calves
My arms
My everything!
My everything looks different
Some of it feels the same
Feels like mine
But some of it doesn't
Some of it feels weird
Looks weird
Doesn't feel like mine
I feel like I've lost part of me
I feel like I'm missing pieces
When I don't look at most of my pieces
I feel fine
I feel like they're mine
But when I catch a glimpse of them
When I see then in the mirror
My hands
My feet
My ankles
My face
My everything
They don't look like mine anymore
I lost some weight (about 70 pounds) and now part of me feels great for having lost it but part of me feels like I'm missing something.
I'll always have the vague desire,
that someone will catch my work
and help it really get somewhere.
Then I remember,
I write drunk
and ****** up
at three in the morning.
"Nothing good ever happens after two in the morning"
I'll just be content,
with writing for the drunks,
and the drug addicts,
and the sleepless.
I try to tell myself maybe,
that's who really needs it anyway.
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