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"fork" poems
let this be proof that on day *** I am alive and kicking with nothing but a caffeine headache and a good twenty days of September in my back pocket but now the cross breeze comes and I lament the past four autumns how they left me cold broken and seeing women jump off buildings God! Sovereign soldier! Sinner! Saint! let me live more than 20 days I am a good person I only **** when asked I eat spaghetti with a fork and spoon I once tried to jump off a cliff but that was then and this is now and the breeze is as cold as winter don’t think that I ever enjoyed this time with you don’t think that I won’t ever try that again I promise I won’t float in the air no not this time
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Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016 at 1:51 PM UTC
Dissection for the Education of Students
1173 The Lightning is a yellow Fork From Tables in the sky By inadvertent fingers dropt The awful Cutlery Of mansions never quite disclosed And never quite concealed The Apparatus of the Dark To ignorance revealed.
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The Lightning is a yellow Fork
With those acid wash jeans With that full sleeve of twirling black ink With the drapes of long hair I thought that we could leave the xplosion-club After the confection of colognes After the South African red wine After the pounding music all night Something **** about A statue that can move It's eyes Something **** about A man that thinks Openly We took the subway back to my apartment You picked up a pebble and tossed it I was quieter now Would I let him inside? I have to at this point it seems A charming prince is a charming prince I open the door. Nothing bad happens, as I expect I am a little paranoid I don't know why (The club flashes back) The door closes without its usual creek, And we're inside. Me and the charmer; I wonder, was he once a frog? I have a funny feeling that I think came from the wine Am I trashed or Does he have horns? Slimy toadskin, red eyes, 1000 inches of claws Suddenly Are upon me, Oh my God! I tell it to leave mE ALONE, It doesn't listen to me. Every time I try to slip out of it's grip I slide into a claw Gushing this stuff from the movies, It covered the bed and then the floor, It probably leaked out from under the apartment door. My cellphone rings in my pants pocket I can't reach it because by then this grendel thing had broken me Into two legs, a torso, two arms And a decapitated head While it eats my right lung, my left hand tries to desperately crawl away He pokes it with a great fork; no escaping crums The awful amphibian finishes and leaves forever. He's never coming back A winner-and-loser kind of *** I guess.
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Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 9:54 PM UTC
*** with Grendel
With those acid wash jeans With that full sleeve of twirling black ink With the drapes of long hair I thought that we could leave the xplosion-club After the confection of colognes After the South African red wine After the pounding music all night Something **** about A statue that can move It's eyes Something **** about A man that thinks Openly We took the subway back to my apartment You picked up a pebble and tossed it I was quieter now Would I let him inside? I have to at this point it seems A charming prince is a charming prince I open the door. Nothing bad happens, as I expect I am a little paranoid I don't know why (The club flashes back) The door closes without its usual creek, And we're inside. Me and the charmer; I wonder, was he once a frog? I have a funny feeling that I think came from the wine Am I trashed or Does he have horns? Slimy toadskin, red eyes, 1000 inches of claws Suddenly Are upon me, Oh my God! I tell it to leave mE ALONE, It doesn't listen to me. Every time I try to slip out of it's grip I slide into a claw Gushing this stuff from the movies, It covered the bed and then the floor, It probably leaked out from under the apartment door. My cellphone rings in my pants pocket I can't reach it because by then this grendel thing had broken me Into two legs, a torso, two arms And a decapitated head While it eats my right lung, my left hand tries to desperately crawl away He pokes it with a great fork; no escaping crums The awful amphibian finishes and leaves forever. He's never coming back A winner-and-loser kind of *** I guess.
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You see me suspended in space-time as I’m passing the 89th floor Falling headlong, my form is impressive. Sadly, no one will be holding up scores. Just moments ago I was standing at a Morton’s Fork in the road: The fires of hell were advancing where I stood on the 98th Floor. Well can you imagine my terror when I came face to face with the flames. I don’t know why I chose as I did; Souls in torment can never explain. The day of my death predetermined, but which death would provide me less pain?. My choice, which was no “choice” at all was to smash through the window and fall. Then the only thing that could “save” me was the camera that captured it all
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Dec 18, 2011
Dec 18, 2011 at 7:42 PM UTC
The Falling Man, a poem of 9-11
My road is not a highway, well-traveled and straight. Nor does it meander through the woods or follow a country brook. No, it's often like a cave with short horizons; And when there is a fork, I take it.
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Apr 22, 2016
Apr 22, 2016 at 8:26 AM UTC
My Road
"While I sit at the door Sick to gaze within Mine eye weepeth sore For sorrow and sin: As a tree my sin stands To darken all lands; Death is the fruit it bore. "How have Eden bowers grown Without Adam to bend them! How have Eden flowers blown Squandering their sweet breath Without me to tend them! The Tree of Life was ours, Tree twelvefold-fruited, Most lofty tree that flowers, Most deeply rooted: I chose the tree of death. "Hadst thou but said me nay, Adam, my brother, I might have pined away; I, but none other: God might have let thee stay Safe in our garden, By putting me away Beyond all pardon. "I, Eve, sad mother Of all who must live, I, not another, Plucked bitterest fruit to give My friend, husband, lover;-- O wanton eyes, run over; Who but I should grieve?-- Cain hath slain his brother: Of all who must die mother, Miserable Eve!" Thus she sat weeping, Thus Eve our mother, Where one lay sleeping Slain by his brother. Greatest and least Each piteous beast To hear her voice Forgot his joys And set aside his feast. The mouse paused in his walk And dropped his wheaten stalk; Grave cattle wagged their heads In rumination; The eagle gave a cry From his cloud station; Larks on thyme beds Forbore to mount or sing; Bees drooped upon the wing; The raven perched on high Forgot his ration; The conies in their rock, A feeble nation, Quaked sympathetical; The mocking-bird left off to mock; Huge camels knelt as if In deprecation; The kind hart's tears were falling; Chattered the wistful stork; Dove-voices with a dying fall Cooed desolation Answering grief by grief. Only the serpent in the dust Wriggling and crawling, Grinned an evil grin and ****** His tongue out with its fork.
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Eve
"While I sit at the door Sick to gaze within Mine eye weepeth sore For sorrow and sin: As a tree my sin stands To darken all lands; Death is the fruit it bore. "How have Eden bowers grown Without Adam to bend them! How have Eden flowers blown Squandering their sweet breath Without me to tend them! The Tree of Life was ours, Tree twelvefold-fruited, Most lofty tree that flowers, Most deeply rooted: I chose the tree of death. "Hadst thou but said me nay, Adam, my brother, I might have pined away; I, but none other: God might have let thee stay Safe in our garden, By putting me away Beyond all pardon. "I, Eve, sad mother Of all who must live, I, not another, Plucked bitterest fruit to give My friend, husband, lover;-- O wanton eyes, run over; Who but I should grieve?-- Cain hath slain his brother: Of all who must die mother, Miserable Eve!" Thus she sat weeping, Thus Eve our mother, Where one lay sleeping Slain by his brother. Greatest and least Each piteous beast To hear her voice Forgot his joys And set aside his feast. The mouse paused in his walk And dropped his wheaten stalk; Grave cattle wagged their heads In rumination; The eagle gave a cry From his cloud station; Larks on thyme beds Forbore to mount or sing; Bees drooped upon the wing; The raven perched on high Forgot his ration; The conies in their rock, A feeble nation, Quaked sympathetical; The mocking-bird left off to mock; Huge camels knelt as if In deprecation; The kind hart's tears were falling; Chattered the wistful stork; Dove-voices with a dying fall Cooed desolation Answering grief by grief. Only the serpent in the dust Wriggling and crawling, Grinned an evil grin and ****** His tongue out with its fork.
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do you recall the crunch beneath our feet a gesture small as we ambled down the street dirt and gravel I felt pebbles through my shoe I unravelled When I looked at you Where did you come from Are you real? Is this how I’m supposed to feel? A dreamgirl In a dreary place I’ve counted every freckle on your face Sunlight peaked through maple branches in such a tranquil way missed chances to make advances I always hoped you'd stay a fork in the road ahead we went different directions I used many different methods to try and snag your attention Where did you come from Are you real? Is this how I’m supposed to feel? A dreamgirl In a dreary place I’ve counted every freckle on your face you never seemed to notice you just stared ahead heart bloomed as if a lotus while I tugged at a loose thread sometimes I'd begin to speak but choked upon my words so I walked next to you without a peep and together watched the birds Where did you come from Are you real? Is this how I’m supposed to feel? A dreamgirl In a dreary place I’ve counted every freckle on your face it's odd and super subtle the synchronicity insignificant and pointless yet means the world to me quiet walks every afternoon past the garage and dead leaves we watched the starlings courtship do you remember me? Where did you come from Are you real? Is this how I’m supposed to feel? A dreamgirl In a dreary place I’ve counted every freckle on your face
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Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 2:29 AM UTC
on golden pond
Oh no it must be ***** After we ****** a bit and she said I ****** at it, deflated I wandered off home. But I realised much later she needed me to cater to everything. Shaft me side on with a tuning fork she's long gone, destroying some other poor soul.
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Apr 29, 2016
Apr 29, 2016 at 1:12 PM UTC
naughty naughty. beware, this is naughty.
It was almost 10 oclock, their eyes heavy as rocks, Erik and Jamal headed home The fork in the road that they've always known to mean they tread on all alone They made their embrace and started their pace and Erik did not hasten much Jamal however was quick to endeavor, because mama had told him to rush They walked their separate ways, reflected on their days, and coveted what tomorrow would bring At that very moment, their train of thought stolen, by the bellow of sirens they sing A large police van rolled upon each young man, and flashed a light on each of their face They told Erik hurry, his mom needn't worry, yet they questioned young Jamal's pace They told him get down, he got on the ground and struggled in his discomfort Erik heard a bang in the night, that had gave him a fright, and thought to himself where'd it come from?
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Oct 13, 2016
Oct 13, 2016 at 12:59 PM UTC
Privilege
*all my life i held a dream of a woman i would love of course she would be alluring supple a charming countenance erudite, with an angelic face her body a muscular stretching willow arching her legs over head kissing her own curving soft feet a graceful contortionist in confetti colored sparkle pantyhose stretching towards me silken hair draping a perfect symmetry with spun sugar kisses wafting the scent of vanilla and candied vaporous breath lips like cherry lozenges but one never knows ones destiny i met her my girl destiny and except for a faint look of languor and ruin with a tinge of withering she was without doubt unbearably titillating with razor-thin blackened lips mascara slits for eyes hair pulled straight back jet black jelled like hardened licorice with satanic blood rivulets and pitch fork tattooed **** a vice of lechery a malefaction of moral turpitude her *** scarred from orgiastic beatings her **** became like a large wrinkly mouth resembling the face of a bullfrog from pleasuring  herself with tableware cutlery her soul a broken creel suffering bouts of anxiety like a weeping moon having  been institutionalized in Mother Marys Hell House from a ghastly bout of parricide her father, a hobbling gloomish troll while the dark veins of mother ran through her soul leaving little choice but to dispatch the parents abandoning their corpses in the kitchen like strewn litter turned out just my kinda girl d e s t i n y
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May 14, 2017
May 14, 2017 at 9:14 AM UTC
MY GIRL DESTINY
.      I stare down at the plate of toast and beans      wondering why this was never part of my dreams.      Looking for the future with an illusional pretence,      hoping good apples will fall on my side of the fence. And as the fork dances slow around the legumes in spirals, the tedium of a wasting life bears the burden and scars of missed opportunities in paralysis and the colour of once bright lights           glow black, shining a shadow into the void covering the bruises that were once achievements of worth,      now tender patches           of failure. I drop the fork ...      … pushing away the plate and leaving food uneaten,      my desire for its nutrition fought and beaten,      Looking at the apple tree with sombre regret      maybe its fruit will fall and save me yet. And disappointment is worse than anger, it begins with the stench of loss the nasal whiff of what if … And what if the little apple tree drops all its fruit down to me? Would I recognise fortune on my side or fear the illusions and run to hide? © Pagan Paul (17/02/18)
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May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC
Apples
The Super Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse Into its orbit quietly slips Eclipse the Super Wolf Blood Moon The fork drives away with the spoon Moon Eclipse The Super Wolf Blood It trips and falls into the mud Blood Moon Eclipse The Super Wolf Growls “Ha!” ‘cause nothing rhymes with “wolf” Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse The Super Cleans up the mud with a little scooper Super Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse The Shines bravely over my favourite tree - The moon always gives us such delight Especially on this frosty night!
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Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 1:30 PM UTC
The Super Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse - Rhyming Doggerel
Let's celebrate indecision! The weighing of pros and cons The doubts and what ifs. Rejoice in the feeling of uncertainty When all the options seem equally weighted. When doing what you please doesn't seem pleasing at all. Suppose there was only one choice, Now add five more. Conjure up that feeling of confusion Cherish that back and forth Like tossing and turning at night The uneasiness with which you approach A fork in the road, which Sounds more like a headache. The longer you teeter the more you totter Until at last! The decision seems made ...Or does it? If only they made one brand of toothpaste.
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Jul 1, 2015
Jul 1, 2015 at 4:37 PM UTC
Choose Your Own Adventure
old hunger makes us sick forget who we are and where we're going how to see thru fog how to pierce the sky where's the truth in all this mustard gas and lies translucent silken shadows of people wishy washy wistful thinking like 'o look at big sophisticated words dribbling across page - verbal ***** great philosopher all expression and thought purge speaking in a vacuum' petulant little lines for liar's lurid heart petty little fines growing large from the start what is this point you speak of and how do we get there if it is really about the journey and not the destination then can i get off right now or can i be seal eye headlight hi beams is there trust enough left between us two to go on down this road together or part ways at lightning fork in path no i go into petrified forest bog to hide and melt and decompose bucolic rot under stalwart stoic onlooking trees you go to riches, glory, ******* and now sprouting planted seeds misgivings all forgotten like irreverent, irrelevant childish deeds and i grow bitter and ferment starving gut absinthe filled with frozen wormwood lies like Poe and de Quincy and all the rest
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Sep 26, 2014
Sep 26, 2014 at 10:35 AM UTC
road
I commit myself to the homicide of my thought-flowers. I indulge in the **** - Killing my darlings for the sake of art and sanity. What a paradox. I have bloodied my hands with it even so. No more love-lite poetry! No more adolescent chinks of the pseudo-heart! No more infantile fork-stabs at the plate of kid-intellectualism! No more Wikipedia pages on thoughts that can swallow computers whole! I'm killing my darlings for the sake of art, for the sake of sanity - what a paradox. Blood is flowing. I'm a murderer of ideas tonight - today I will write about many of life's very few truths. Like trees. Like soil. These are the only constants in mathematics. These are the identities. In my garden, I reach out to crush an almost-crimson hibiscus. Petals squelching with skin and nectar - no perfume. The hibiscus roils, unliving. Red pulpy mess; heart out of chest.
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Aug 15, 2015
Aug 15, 2015 at 5:09 PM UTC
Red Hibiscus
Two people both alike in character Of the opposite sexes Sit across a candlelit dinner In a lovely, fancy restaurant The room is incandescently lit With a dimness that balances between ever so bright and ever so dark Allowing for a gold tinge to envelop the restaurant But not gold enough to take away notice of the lit candle set upon the White table cloth The waiter appears and asks the couple What they would like for dinner The couple order the food and drink Much to the waiter's delight the food and drink is expensive The waiter returns shortly With a bottle of their finest Pinto Noir And pours the blood-red wine slowly Into each of the couple's glasses And leaves the couple to sip upon their sweet sin delicately The food is laid out Triumphant in its debut A vast smorgasbord of entries Including frog legs, crab, and delicious ****** steak The couple prepare their silverware for the battle that is eating The man stabs his knife into the ****** steak Cutting it open and spilling the juices all over his plate He stabs the meat with the fork and guides it toward his mouth And slowly but surely chomps upon it with the strength of his fine jaw And swallows the meat into the unexposed mystery that is his stomach The woman begins to mutilate the frog legs with her knife Cutting into the once moveable limbs And stabs the limbs with her fork and brings it to her mouth And delicately bites the limbs and politely chews And swallows it into her fine and precious insides The couple then split the crab legs Using their bear hands they split the shells open And remove the meat or **** it right out of the shell They swallow it whole and do nothing with the shell Leaving the shell aside to be as still as a carcass The waiter arrives and asks how the food was The couple obliged him with their satisfaction The bill is handed to them and the couple pay it Leaving a hefty tip They then leave the lovingly dimly lit restaurant To enjoy the night that is ahead of them
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May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 1:37 AM UTC
A Dinner
Two people both alike in character Of the opposite sexes Sit across a candlelit dinner In a lovely, fancy restaurant The room is incandescently lit With a dimness that balances between ever so bright and ever so dark Allowing for a gold tinge to envelop the restaurant But not gold enough to take away notice of the lit candle set upon the White table cloth The waiter appears and asks the couple What they would like for dinner The couple order the food and drink Much to the waiter's delight the food and drink is expensive The waiter returns shortly With a bottle of their finest Pinto Noir And pours the blood-red wine slowly Into each of the couple's glasses And leaves the couple to sip upon their sweet sin delicately The food is laid out Triumphant in its debut A vast smorgasbord of entries Including frog legs, crab, and delicious ****** steak The couple prepare their silverware for the battle that is eating The man stabs his knife into the ****** steak Cutting it open and spilling the juices all over his plate He stabs the meat with the fork and guides it toward his mouth And slowly but surely chomps upon it with the strength of his fine jaw And swallows the meat into the unexposed mystery that is his stomach The woman begins to mutilate the frog legs with her knife Cutting into the once moveable limbs And stabs the limbs with her fork and brings it to her mouth And delicately bites the limbs and politely chews And swallows it into her fine and precious insides The couple then split the crab legs Using their bear hands they split the shells open And remove the meat or **** it right out of the shell They swallow it whole and do nothing with the shell Leaving the shell aside to be as still as a carcass The waiter arrives and asks how the food was The couple obliged him with their satisfaction The bill is handed to them and the couple pay it Leaving a hefty tip They then leave the lovingly dimly lit restaurant To enjoy the night that is ahead of them
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'Look at Me', so self absorbed in outward looks and latest fashion. With disregard for inner peace, selfless thought, and kind compassion. Piercing ears, with holes so big they look like they're starting to melt. Trousers about the knees; showing off pants, clearly in need of a belt. Cheap plastic toys bought without thought, of which so quickly we tire, Relationship failing to last without love and once all consuming desire. Throw away gadgets and electronic connections, with all  life's worth we trust. But when they are broken, will never be fixed; just casually tossed to the dust. Mealtime no longer a social or family affair, at a table with fork and knife, Check-in's a must so 'friends' will know that you're having a really great life. No album prints of family snaps and childhood memories that last, It's all about selfies, and sharing on line with 'friends' that human connections bypass.
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Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 5:25 AM UTC
Latest Fashion
I am in levels. Past levels. This deep, intrinsic wonderful lost, the lawlessness of its fascinating expenditure of excite. Pushing through the wild and feral snow-dusted plains and timber ridges. Like red-spotted dots breathing through the cylinders called the spine. This descends into a narrow channel of scantly clad greenish scenery in a time-soaked visionary wilderness of snow, Our crab legs dancing down wiry purple highways, our heads could not even look backwards if we had wanted. Furious, love-latitudes, stalking breaths thwacking fork-ended tongues into a pinkish knot buried into the first layer of organic membrane on this railway of miniature canals, showing. And their pride snuck into the elbows, shooting down each vertebrae as it stepped with great precision every ledge that the currency emphasized. The raw accumulation of stolen heart-beats rattling between the interstices of new fuel careering these red engines. Crashing with exquisite pleasure into one another.
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Apr 26, 2014
Apr 26, 2014 at 4:41 AM UTC
I am in levels. Past levels. this deep intrinsic wonderful lost, the lawlessness of its fascinating expenditure of excite.
I have yet to find the exact size, length, width, weight, height, of my rusted trusty nail, which I lost. Painted golden brown and rough on the edges, that old man pinned my door to the wall. Now it's left hanging in the open dangling in the wind swaying with the broken rain, my home vulnerable, a feasty treat, like the first time Hansel and Gretel saw the witch's house. I'm not afraid of the teeth baring wolves bloodcurdling hounds with red eyes massive 10 foot hungry bears that tower over you with outstretched paws holding a steak knife and fork its brown fur a bib. No I'm afraid of my house zipping up its backpack filled with all the canned goods fresh water canteens from the well and all the matches and firewood in the cellar taking off during the night when the moon is at its darkest, leaving I, to do the only thing left: To pay the bright orange flames to entertain me as my wads of money lit up the darkest night of the century all because I couldn't replace my *most dear, loved, precious nail.*
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Oct 8, 2014
Oct 8, 2014 at 11:53 AM UTC
Irreplaceable
Gemini in seasonable  evening, serenely swirling in Septemberous ferris wheels reeling in the vast domain of lonesome leviathans and witch-fires; nowhere bound in the boundless fecundity [ the feral joys of creation... ] twins meander in gravity's well of souls, swollen with unknowns and proteins; golden rods in pointless foam brewing the elixir vitae in the Dippers cup. the Milky Way, a wayward gush from an ancient Mother Goddess, plump and shameless, pumping teats to nurse worlds infused with divine rays of gamma and x... why set dark apart from firmament burning spheres? dragons must clutch eggs in the void as much as fork tongue white dwarfs. of course, the Source unfolds as  Love does. it's purpose, in thrall of fearless veracity, spinning yarns for glad garments to clothe the naked dread of such fearful symmetries as roam the wild delights of the infinite meringue. the Pi on the window sill, tempting the circular frame of reference to square with the sublime Will. another Fibonacci in your bedpost, to better hobnob with broomsticks. everything annihilates hatred. from within, we sojourn to sovereign super-continents of opulent peace. profound realities surge serpentine with Meaning. we are outdone on the inside by small minds and farcical hearts. so at night look up. Love's Tongue Is Love's Word.
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Apr 11, 2013
Apr 11, 2013 at 1:31 PM UTC
Love's Tongue Is Love's Word
Goth Child nursed his mother's tattooed ***** Snapped **** with teeth Then grizzled grin at me and spit up I poked at my chile relleno Twisting hot cheesy sludge off prongs Tour jete with fork finishes in arabesque Between my own fangs I spit back scalding **** Goth Child points, says, "Pawpee, that man is scarewee" Pawpee turns his tattoo tears to see Flashes his gleaming grill I sink in my seat behind sightline of salsa squeeze bottle Chattering ivories
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Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015 at 2:19 PM UTC
Getting Toothy At The Taco House
I'm sorry if things would come out so wrong It's just that I've loved you for oh so very long I don't know how I should interact Or how I should come to react I'd stutter like I'm a big dork I make worse conversations than that of a fork But it's because I'm just charmed by your smile I guess it's my way to stay with you for a while I keep my distance, not because I want a good bye But it's just that.. Well.. I'm way to shy I get all shaky when our shoulders would touch It's probably because I've longed for that so much *You must know what you do to me when our hands would simply touch If happiness were a grading system, I'd be at the top notch* So please don't be weirded out by how I am I'm trying to be normal with the best that I can I'm awkward, shy but oh so very kind and you're the only girl who's in my mind
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May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 10:31 AM UTC
Torpe - Shy guy
Eating my beyond burger with a fork and knife, drag race in the background, my Samantha doll by my side. This isn't loneliness anymore. This is just life now. I'm not very good with words anymore, maybe I never was. So little has changed and yet everything has. I still long for love. I still want to be wanted. That might never change. Yet now this lonely world is one I've come to accept, come to love. I may be my only friend here, but that's one more than last year. Nothing I create is good, but I'm learning to create anyway. I'm learning to share my bad art, at least it's art. Right? I dream of slitting the throat of the dog next door. Someone outta shut him up. I used to think that was an evil thought, now I know there's no such thing. I turn 21 in 2 days. Math. Yuck. I'm old, getting older every second. Whatever. I will grow into this skin, I'm sure of it. Maybe. I'm grateful. More than anything I am grateful for it all. The pain, the pleasure, the guilt, the anger. Pills, family, friends, dolls. No one reads these except me. So this one is for her. For you. Anne, my love, my villain, my biggest fear. May this year be kind to you, may you be kind to it. May you listen to your spirit guides, may you accept what you never could. Growth is sticky and wet, Knowledge is thick and grey. May you be the light and the darkness, the cut and the band aid. More than anything, be okay. You're gross, in a sort of beautiful way. May you be okay with that. Truly. Bad art is still art. Right? I think so. For now.
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Jan 11, 2021
Jan 11, 2021 at 6:27 PM UTC
bad art is still art. right?
Eating my beyond burger with a fork and knife, drag race in the background, my Samantha doll by my side. This isn't loneliness anymore. This is just life now. I'm not very good with words anymore, maybe I never was. So little has changed and yet everything has. I still long for love. I still want to be wanted. That might never change. Yet now this lonely world is one I've come to accept, come to love. I may be my only friend here, but that's one more than last year. Nothing I create is good, but I'm learning to create anyway. I'm learning to share my bad art, at least it's art. Right? I dream of slitting the throat of the dog next door. Someone outta shut him up. I used to think that was an evil thought, now I know there's no such thing. I turn 21 in 2 days. Math. Yuck. I'm old, getting older every second. Whatever. I will grow into this skin, I'm sure of it. Maybe. I'm grateful. More than anything I am grateful for it all. The pain, the pleasure, the guilt, the anger. Pills, family, friends, dolls. No one reads these except me. So this one is for her. For you. Anne, my love, my villain, my biggest fear. May this year be kind to you, may you be kind to it. May you listen to your spirit guides, may you accept what you never could. Growth is sticky and wet, Knowledge is thick and grey. May you be the light and the darkness, the cut and the band aid. More than anything, be okay. You're gross, in a sort of beautiful way. May you be okay with that. Truly. Bad art is still art. Right? I think so. For now.
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