We ...
Are The Architects of Our Fate
we build the walls
all these gates
We construct solid walls
they take them down
let them fall
then look around
for Solid Ground
until it's found
I plant my feet

Take a seat
share a story
of honored Glory
My Father was a Carpenter
a Master Builder they would say
And I see his buildings
every day
Arts and craftsman
my kind of build
houses filled
engrossing skill
amazing will
holes were drilled
handhewn milled
beams
intricate details

imparted to me
you can see
by carving
wooden
weathered
leather hands

It's good to admire
though I do not aspire
to live in one now

I miss the farm
in  simple charms
A time exsist my  memories

Queen Abigail of Chelsea
a border collie
she was our dog
Willamina a hog
or the name of a pig
rooting earth she'd happily dig
a silly gig
She never was a meal
Her funny squeal
Saved her life

had a horse  named Cochise
no wool from lamb
that we could fleece
you could not ride
but would stand on hind
legs
and beg
for marshmallows!

I miss the Farm
all the time
it taught me
life is worth living
to keep on giving
what I can.


Cherie Nolan © 2016

She must be of heaven to exsist between
  reality and dreams and have her face
   not change
She must be of all the cosmos to so
  effortlessly outshine every sun, star,
    and moon
She must be the secret whisper of sleep
  to calm the monster and give its heart
   peace
She must be the hours hidden between
  the seconds of when one starts to
    fall
She must be the madness and beauty
  and perfection of love

Our time has ended,
my love still burns,
I have to say good-bye,
this is my farewell my love,
for tomorrow I will not be here,
for tomorrow my love will die,
without my love I do not exsist,
so my dearest of loves,
my reason for life,
this is my good-bye.

*Good-bye

spoke in love tongue
warmed up in laughter
and then woke up one morning and thought my name
the victim says

one morning when I had taken myself away
from this earth
and burried myself in dirt on another place

anywhere oh anywhere other then this petty little world
where only you and the other soul exsist
in the mist and dew in the evaporation of my wet thoughts
within my thoughts
only inside of you
my mind caressed your blood

my steam runs down your veins
will I ever forgive myself for letting you own my mind
and my smoke circles your face
and clings to our breath
and if suffocating crept
I wouldt even recognize you--
death

when here under a opressors arms

simply delighted melting vigorusly in the diluted charm
oh we are everything
everything
but at the moment it dosent
no it dosent seem wrong

why do I welcome such ignorance
faulty and young
I have simply lost sense of direction
fleeting down dark paths
you make me smile
when you walk further
and so fast

into me
it has to be with that
that in which lacks knowledge
because if not
this entire situation wouldnt exsist
and a woman like me
must expeirence this


whos nature is it that I cross in where Im not familiar with anything
and my forest is a mystery to you
but we walk in iresponsibly
and the natures mix
and when I look at you while the leaves are falling all around us
my skies reign down on your land
and we shake the ground beneathe us
I feel as if your earth that I wrap with my skin
will eat me whole


the air becomes thicker as the burning branches come falling down
smoke suffocates me
and my neck is falling back
Im breatheless
Im speechless
if communication was my only form of survival


I would hold my tongue


for tampering with a such a natural disaster
will lessen the beauty
when now you can stand in the middle,
I am in the middle
and I am witnessing
the destruction we are causing to our planets

the ground breaks
and I finally fall between the cracks
laying there
satisfied.

We are the demons of this earth. We are the vampires that **** away the life we "hold so dear". We are the monsters that ravage and destroy towns of peace just because we are blood thirsty.
We make up monsters by looking deep within ourselves. We find them fascinating, desirable, and lustful. Though we are those demons that we speak of. We are the demons within the stories and movies we find so alluring. I do not fear those demons and monsters that we have "made up" because the real monsters are all around me. They are all around this earth yet unseen by the naked eye. Only those who have seen it first hand know the evil of this world. The evil that those movies truly tell us. We may not be those monsters we have made up, but we are much more then that. Look around you, no one is as they seem, nothing in this world is.
I listen to the rain, hearing silence, yet screams of pain. This world calls out to us, wanting, waiting, for the sun to rise and for us to fall. We **** the life out of everything we touch. We create more of us to do what we wish upon the world. Spreading lies, betrail, and blood. Our hands our red with our mothers blood. We have killed our mother, the very thing that gave us life. What are we? Are we truly better then those monsters we see or are we simply looking into a mirror or possibly the future. The wars between vampires and werewolves are nothing less of the wars that go on today. We fight for nothing, we **** for fun, we die so that this world has a chance to survive.
Some of us resist, but none of us truly exsist. We are this worlds end. We are our own death. There is no reaper, only man. There are no vampires, werewolves, or even elves. We are those monsters we speak of and we will stop at nothing until evil has one. Our mothers and our fathers will always see us as less of a person. The longer we live, the more evil we become. Do we become stronger? No! Only weaker and deeper into the darkness that will consume the brightest of hearts.

Can I really believe,
Everything will be okay,
I can mask the problems,
But I can't make them go away,
They'll always haunt me,
Like the dwelling feeling,
That lies,
In the pit of my stomach,
Everyday,

Life crumbles,
Beneath me lie the peices,
Of that girl,
Who was she?
She was the girl I used to be,
Happy and joyful,
So carefree,
But no more happy memories,
Only mind lashing words,
And pain always awaits,
Because that world you think is so perfect,
It doesn't exsist,
It was only a fable.

They fed you lies,
And you ate them like
Fire eats gasoline,
Life is never perfect,
But you have never exierienced such hell,
I have lived it,
And I'm still living it,
I will continue to live it,
Until the ***** finally croaks,
And leaves me to get back to my life,
Happy and carefree,

But no matter how happy life may become,
I will never forget,
The battle I fought,
The battle I can soon proudly say I won,
Because the pain will never be fully gone,
And freedom can't come
Soon enough,
And I have to say,
The wait,
Is slowly killing me.

twelve

         If i could write a letter to my twelve your old self, i would mention the pain your about to face, with self loathing and mental health is far worse then the years before. I would mention how when you wake up wipe the sleep from your eyes and read this letter and find two people you loved gone from your life forever. When you leave your plastic car framed bed you will find an empty room in the basement. The first loss is not death but abandenment leaves no answer to the sting a heart can feel when your older sister meant to guide you has ran away.  She has left, and to what you shall soon find out, left you to your death. The second loss has less thought to the idea of why? but still i did cry. It was my great grandmothers time. Her slow pace death lead to suffering till one week to the day after i turned twelve.  Emotional asking questions why, three days later i tightened my silk tie putting on a suit and ending the night seeing the casket of one of you. To think of you as dead eased my head for a while but still have to replace my frown with a fake smile. After all i lost a sister, when i needed someone to talk you were never there. Instead i just found myself cutting and dyeing my hair.  This is the year you feel your fathers strong hand as you tremble below it. This is the year you tremble in fear this is the first year you want to die

Thirteen

      To my thirteen year old self, im sorry life doesnt get better. im sorry that this is year your parents admit they don't care.  Im sorry this is the year you hear the three words no one wants or deserves to know their pain. Even though the words "I hate you" Were uttered in vain. Im sorry no one was there to hold you in there arms, im sorry of how when looked in the mirror every morniing after you showered  telling yourself its a new day and the pain is past. Im so sorry of how you found out how long the pain really lasts. Look at what you have achieved though, this is the year you win first in all categories invited to Kick Canada to again win. You achieve a bronze as a group, silver in your weopons, and gold in kickboxing. With you feeling weighed down your still weightless, with your amazing place and the smile on your face to look in the croud hearing the aplause. Somethings missing though your parents no where to be seen. Im sorry they wernt there to say good job im sorry your dads hand still strikes strong. This is the year you say enough though, you say no and strike back your foe. He stands stunned for a minute and walks away, the bruises faded away from the surface, but inside i still see them.  It is the night of my birthday i fall asleep praying tomorow will bring a better year.

Fourteen

     Im sorry this is not the year it gets better, your father never lays another hand to your dismay doesnt matter for his and your mothers word fly freely. This is the year they make you cry, only to insult you further "your nothing, your trash" there tounges did lash me. Til  i crashed under hate to my untimly fate, your mother is sick and you walk into the room as she slashes the blade across her wrist, you watch her bleed amd scream for help but she pretends u dont exsist she  spends the next year and eight monthes in psycitric care. Left in a house with nothing fair in the air my invitation ti nationals came and past i did not go in fear of leaving my mother would effect her more vast, past her yelling at ke eberyday i walked in the light blue room with the curtains always closed filled with gloom . While my mother on her last heartstrings looked for strength from her groom . Only to be filled with hate she saw me as a reminder he exsists and how he doesnt visit but i did. I walked the long path every **** day to see my mothers face still i wasnt good enough but that is just my luck. It is my last night of this age. The house is empty amd quite but still remains okay just praying thiis new year brings joy to the now broken boy.

Fifteen

     This is not the year it gets better neither, but this os the year your mother is released. It took a week for the smiles to wear away. Then i saw once again the skin tare from her flesh. Soon hate took over the tone under her breath and malace mixed with spite is the only thing left of my mother i once knew. This is the year you once again face death, you and your mother are in a car driving counting breaths singing along to eminem, reciting robert frost. when suddenly a car passes us and my mother is crossed the mid age lady on her phone swirving around, not paying atention to anyone or anything i still see her frown. She ran a stop sighn without a thought hit by a garbage truck in front of our eyes now i know the cost of when her cellphone conversation stopped. This was the first time i watched someone die. Still shocked  my mother had to call the abulence as i and the garbage man saw the damage in case she still did breath. In the end blood filled the scene as me amd the garbage man covered the front window with a sheet to protect what is left of this womens dignity. This is the year you fond a little blue pill that not only eases your pain if snorted aslo goves you a thrill. This is the first year that you almost sucsessfully kil.l... yourself going to sleep for this living hell praying next year could be better aswell.

Sixteen

     This year is a self medicated blur, this is the year you forgot who you were. T3s replaced with perks and shots only to be soon replaced with oxys in your black box crushed and lined one at a time up your nose the powder glides. The first night you try an 80 you overdose nearly comitoce as you spew a frothy white  fluid from your mouth but my freinds saved me to this day i dnt know how called said i passed out and cant drive home so my parents could never figure out how i lay on the tiled floor back from death after this a pill is never again accepted that is your debt 2 days to your birthday that cursid day your sober but that was just babby steps and i promise little soilder babby steps you would not regret.

Seventeen

      This is the year you stopped praying for help thinking you did this to yourself i promise it wasnt you. How could it be your still just in youth. This is the year you watch your father fall. You find the trail of debt 100 thousand dollars owed mine aswell of been a million for we can barely live so how would you like us to pay it back i finfd him stealing money from my backpack. This is the year you find out your dad is the same worth of a rat and you dont have to take his crap. This is the year he snaps and instead you help him back up. He was in achoma five days as you stayed never slept jus sat beside his hospital bed praying this did not mean death. Death came in a different way with your cousin brit stabbed to death by her husband on febuary fith.. this is the year you wished you diddnt exsist.

Eighteen

     This is the year.... you found the courage to see you will always be...good and thats enough for me.

HA i think
it's funny how
your always complaining
that you wish you could
find a girl who will treat
you right but i was friend
zoned

* I think it's
funny how you
want a girl who
wont cheat on
you but you want
all these girls who
look like they came
off central

* I think it's
funny how
you want
a girl who
will be honest
with you but
you want
perfection

* Well i still think
that it's funny that
a girl you can trust
a girl who wont cheat
and a girl who is real
is right next to you
i have known you
for 3 years and still
you don't know
oh wait how could you
i was FRIEND ZONE

3,2,1 blast off.
If I built a rocket would you shoot to the stars with me?
No, because I don't exsist in your world.
Figures...

I know you just died,
But it's not over yet,
'Cause you'll live on
In all the people you have meet

In their memmories
You still exsist
In your music
Your spirit still lives

You've become immortal,
Though you were born to lose
You still managed
To make footprints with your shoes

The fact that you made an impact
On so many lives
Is the simple reason
That your memmory never dies.

Never in my life did I think I would ruin a pillow over someone.
As I crumble into whatever you call what I am now, the only thing there to catch me is my pillow.
As the floods escape my eyes, the mascara rivers destroy my comfort. Leaving me with only a reminder that you hurt me.
That I thought you loved me.
That you exsist. And I can't be with you anymore.
The constant reminder before bedtime or before nap time leaving me with the most painful dreams of when we were happy together.
Dreams of the days I never thought would end.
I hope for the day when I go to sleep and don't notice those stains.
I hope for the day when I no longer think of what I can't have.
I hope for the day where I no longer want you.
But for now Im just reminded that Im the one who is no longer wanted.

I can't even pinpoint
When it begins
All I realize
Is that I'm somewhere else
Far away from here
Inside of loves layer
Built in my core

I'm lost in you

My mind spaces
What I was doing
Is now done
And I can't remember
Any of it
Cause I was there not here

Ahhhhhhhh

I don't even ask
For a ride
On loves wheels

It's like an alien invasion
Ur ****** up from the planet
Exsist in an open galaxy
Made of intoxicating inhales
And even better exhales
There is no other place
I'd think to be!

The hardest part is letting go sometimes great feelings end sooner then expected. The loss of a love one a broken heart. People loop these events torturing themselves thinking of new outcomes and posiblities.
All you can do is learn, be better for the next. be stronger for the future don't give up on yourself. Times are tough but you bounce back tougher.
As you grow and age time changes, everything what's in is out. What was is no more. Trends fade away new ones begin. Blending in means you don't exsist but you'll find the path so ones dream can become the reality or reach the destination called destiny.

I wish
for the sanctuary
of the arms I can hide in

where we both exsist there
an we no not of our pride in

this is the place where
only our love reside in

as I am imagining this
on the bed of my dreams,
you become
my new reality.

Ma Cherie © 2017

Watching slowly as the horizon of the sun begins to fade with a dence glimer beyond the mountains, earth shaking causing a trimer. Im busy day dreaming of you. Feeling as if my body has lost controll loving you so much has taken its toll on me. I cant believe someone as perfect as you exsist. So the given fact makes me want to hold onto this with great protection and never ending love.

I found clarity but my insecurities still scare me.
You express your passion for me & it's clear to see.
I laid with you and embraced you.
I shared my energy with you and let you into the most vulnerable part of me.
Now when we're apart it feels like I lost a part of me.
I never fell so deep for someone and trust me you're the only one.
You changed me in ways I didn't know a person could.
I do everything I'm supposed to, everything I should.
I see us in the future going forward.
That's the goal I'm working towards.
You make me feel like i actually matter, like I exsist.
In that case I want you to remain in my life and not exit.
I say "want" alot but in actuality I wanna say "need."
How do I say it without being too clingy?
**** boy... you really do mean the world to me.

The wine and Smoke float with perfect balance, Numbing my mind and heart.
JUST KEEP BREATHING... Let it overtake me, far away to a new start or an old. I imagine I'm happy (Shiny pink lip stick makes you seem to be)
JUST KEEP LOOKING PRETTY... I feel like a useless prize! Kept by my master. Smiling, kisssing ***, Keeping His dream alive! When the wine and smoke float in perfect balance, I PRETEND I'M ALIVE!
I am the sexiest in the room. You know it's true. Not beacause it is but because I feel it, I own it and It's not you. My mind is my power, eyes are the weapoon. **** INNOCENCE! You could take notes or search within, everone has it, QUIET CONFIDENCE! Not as hard as it seems. I'M LEARNING TO STROKE MY OWN EGO! Don't really need you!
Is it so bad to want for yourself and hope for another?
THEY HATE WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY! How does one fill their time? Superficial smiles, 'How do you do's" But no one cares how you do. They revel in the sound of their OWN voice. Does the truth really hurt more than years of more mistakes?
JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, OPINIONS TO YOURSELF! How dare you forget for one moment that EGO RULES THE WORLD! So, beat around the bush, grin, nod and regergitate what they want to hear because that's what they like!
Stay in the cushioned cage of your limited mind... I'LL JUST ******' FORGET YOU! Isn't that easier than the truth that I know?!
Because when the wine and smoke float in perfect balance YOU DON'T ******* EXSIST!
Dear LORD keep me STRONG; Temptation for the dramatic endlessly teases the mind...........

There Is Only One Race,
The Race Of Reality
There Is Only One Race,
The Race Of Humanity,
Someone's Color Does Not Bother Me,
It Is There Heart That Matters,
They Could Have Skin White As Can Be,
But A Heart That Is Black And Battered

Race Does Not Exsist,
It Was Made By Humans To Create Control,
I Could Be Racist,
But The Only I Color I Judge Is That Of Ones Soul,
I Don't Mind A Headdress,
It's Simply Just Clothes,
Im Tired Of Peoples Heartlessness,
Over What Someome Else Chose,
If Someone Speaks Another Language,
That Is Fine With Me,
English Is Average,
With Words I Don't Know All I Hear Is Beauty

You Should See The Beams Of Hatred,
Towards Anyone Of A Differnet Color,
Good Friendships Wasted,
Or Maybe Even A Lover,
I Don't See Myself As White,
I Don't See Myself A Caucasian,
I Don't See My Self As Light,
I Dont See Myself As American,
All I See Is Who I Am Inside,
I Wish Other People Could See It Too,
I Wish People Could Confinde,
In The Person Inside Of You,
Behind All The Clothes,
Behind All The Skin,
Or Whatever Comes And Goes,
Just The Person With In,
I'm Not A Hippie I'm Just Saying,
People Should Ignore The Faces,
And See What's So Amazing,
Ignore The Races,
And Stop All This Creating

"The perfect couple,"
Everyone would say,
As they saw us together,
Day by day.
"They'll never break up,"
Everyone would insist...
If only he knew,
That I exsist.

Today i start over
I found out im not as dumb as i once thought
I found out how early acceptance to university can bring a smile that lasts for a while
Condasending claims will now sease to darken my flame
As i will burn brighter

Each step seems lighter lifting off the ground
In my head only music sounds like i made it
**** your false odds from the same kids who stay at home all day to play COD

The hours praying to God begging to help me study and pass
The strength not to relapse and let my past be just that...
My past

Today i smile longer then i remember, today i raised the bar im not just the scary guy who fights with his fists within my words i undoubtibly exsist

Today  i thank those who helped who saw more of me then i ever dreamed possoble thank you

I got inspired to tell stories and see how many ppl relate
Also know what I'm talking about lots of sub cultures are out there and exsist many catch phrase and different ways to do things but the same.
I grew up in a tough environment others did the same maybe worse.
Everyone has their favorite activities and hand out spots! I'm sober to me that way better than drinking feeling sorry for myself drowning out my sorrows to feel better about myself. I'm a soda drinker who loves to drive usually the DD
I like to read gives me insight for writing I tweak it or write stories that are similar but aim to be better.
I've always been a rebel but feared being alone so I tried to fit in found out I'm better off with out! I created the cool guy table anyone can sit with me just don't bring an ego or act like your better when your clearly not. I might hang with the rejects or ppl who are misunderstood but it feels good to belong somewhere

They throw their hands up as if there is some higher being;
Little do they know there is no such thing.
Singing and speaking to something that doesn't exsist;
Each one brainwashed into believing, convinced their destiny is assured.
Leaders putting themselves as better than everyone else;
Bathed in the irony that this goes against what they speak.

Many alter shoes exsist in my mind
There's the rapper side who tells the truth
The ladies man who doesn't want to fall in love
The fighter who doesnt like to lose
The coAch who brings the best out in others
The writer who tells the truth with perspective
All if them unit to make me
They are the characters and roles I play
Beat together like a dumb solo
Different sides many faces
New angles more to a person more than one dimension

And it is love's great triumph
That in our bones we feel whole
The illusion leaves us warm
And the impression that spring and summer will never fade
In these eternal seasons the blind wonder content in the world
Silently fearing the inevitable
But in this cycle we exsist
With emotions both hungry and primal
We crave the lie that we concieve in selfish childhood