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Grace Ann Dec 2020
She sang to me in a strange language
One that I had tried and failed so many times to learn
Self care is foreign to me
Grace Ann Oct 2020
I'm afraid my loudness was too much for you
My openess in my happiness that you provided me
Looks screaming at eachother so loudly from across the room people felt like they were witnessing something they shouldn't
I guess now It will only be me looking at you that way
I guess now....
I will love you quietly
From the sidelines
Aching silently
Grace Ann Oct 2020
I thought it would be harder
And maybe it's because I've been waking in panic attacks from nightmares
Shaking from anxiety
Battling my irrational thoughts with slightly less irrational but still not nearly as logical ones for weeks now
I wanted communication
I got what I asked for
This outcome is bittersweet

--I'll watch from a distance
More alone than I've ever been
Grace Ann Oct 2020
There are 3 cigatette butts on my patio
Relics of talking and tears and hard decisions I wish we didnt have to make
I said --and I meant it, still do-- that I would support you as a friend
I want there to be more
You say you need to do this alone so that we can be more
I know realistically holding out for hope that you will come back to me is probably foolish
Taking a break is never just taking a break
And it hurts because I love you and I know you love me too
We talked last night about marriage and our future together
Of the life we would and wanted to build
In your exhales of nicotine we agreed
But when you left leaving only your butts on my porch as a reminder you were there
You and I disagreed on what to do

---I can't bring myself to throw them away because it's like an admission of throwing us away too.
Grace Ann Sep 2020
The withdrawal is nicotine induced but im the cigarette being stomped to the ground
Grace Ann Sep 2020
I am cobblestone cracking in the heat
Terrified of becoming inconsequential under your feet
Once a beautiful stone carefully layed now weathered and worn

----I keep thinking I am breaking
Grace Ann Sep 2020
Young, hunched over, under covers,
Hous after lights out--
Bedtime forgotten;
Book in hand;
Fake sleeping when parents checked;
A secret moment in the world just for me
               It's a wonder how my flashlight never ran out
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