Empty spaces are the bane of my existence.
I watch through a glass screen fixated with LED lights and wiring so I can see her face when she's 15 minutes away but 10 if she's driving.
I leave a space in my bed and sit with my hand pressed against my temple and my arm draped over me and holding my side.
I leave an empty space where her body would fit perfectly.
where her arms would wrap around me where her shoulder would replace my hand and comfort my temple but instead I watch her unknowingly leave a space for me.
her arm played over empty spaces and her hand resting on a pillow where my head should be instead its nothing but empty spaces.
I can't write today
I've erased and rewritten
I've erased and rewritten
I've erased and rewritt
you get my point
this poem has sat in the drafts box for years
every time its opened the name changes
it goes from Hate to routine
from routine to Ashley
from Ashley to lonely
from lonely to older
from older to poly
from poly to...thats new
that button at the bottom of my screen
that button that's yelling at me
that button that could save me
Delete This Poem
writers block made me make this
I'm sitting on the floor of a friend of a friends house
I been here for some time and had some time to rewind when suddenly the friend of a friend said something I didn't like.
"It's more than her period making her a *****"
Intoxicated me wanted to laugh
sober me wanted to scoff
Wow, a period joke as if my menstrual cycle is something to be laughed at
As if the blood flowing out of me don't make me the definition of a wonder woman.
Yet instead its a joke, instead its your answer for when I question your misogynistic values.
"Get a sense of humor" they yell when its more than my period making me a *****
making me the female dog
Well this ***** does a lot more then bark
MY body is not your joke
MY womanhood is not your bag of wisecracks
My friends have some unsavory people and sometimes holding my tonge is hard to do
her crazy showing more than usual
"I'll **** him"
her jersey accent strong like my morning coffee
her presence making it hard for me to
her voice makes my mind think of lazy Sundays
blankets above us like canopy's
awnings that hold nothing but past memories
a glance in a tenth grade math class
suddenly fourteen year old me couldn't
no she was not perfect
her mind a bit to wild
her eyes a sliver to beautiful
her laugh a tad to intoxicating
her voice a pinch to sweet
her a bit to
I fell in love with the
artistic, the crazy,
the jersey girl who with her extensive collection of art supplies
and painted my world.
every color a pastel oil
every shape a charcoal sketch
everything she touched
vibrant like neon signs and now that shes gone i cant
This is is an ode to my past partners
To those I let climb inside my body
To the women I loved
Your hands roamed my body and skin
Your lips like those of a voyagers
with every whisper and caress was a new world
On every new island was a new feeling
a new sensation
a new part of me I had yet to know
To the men I loved
You plucked my rose from the earth
you turned me into a beautiful bouquet of flowers
and with every flower was a new thought
a new emotion
a new reality
To those I loved
I did not love you for no reason
I did not waste my time in the classrooms you called relationships
because in each of these was a new lover
a new me
a new heartbreak
yet because of you I became stronger and greater than before.
To those I have yet to know
I will not always be happy
I will not always have the answer
but I will always have my humor
To those I have yet to love
you are not ready for the new things we will endure
but I promise it will all be worth it
worth it to find the new
the new friendships
the new eachother
A single kiss
A single kiss can send my mind into a world of bliss
A world of bliss
A world of bliss that is wrapped around your body
Around your body
Around your body so much so that my limbs become tangled in yours
Tangled in yours
Tangled in yours so my arms drape over your chest and yours wrapped around me the best way you know how.
How can a single kiss leave me full of static
Static like light flicking off attic walls leaving me full of loneliness
Full of loneliness
Full of loneliness and longing for the closeness we had only moments before
Moments before that left my heart racing and my senses tingling
Tingling as if to say please show me more
More of the beautiful world you call your mind.
Your mind that twists and turns like roots that lead to the tallest tree
The tallest tree
The tallest tree that if I ask to climb it and you agree I would then ask could you meet me
Meet me at the top of your tree
with a single kiss.
I made this for all the people I have ever fallen in love with because this is what it felt like
Surrounded by those you care about most only to feel incredibly alone in the midst of it all
Take a bite of the magic food and feel your body relax
Feel your mind fuse with the THC that is now in use
You are the you that you always wanted to be and all it took was a little hit of ****
Take a puff and feel the smoke bite at your lungs
As you inhale what you consider to be sweet freedom you exhale the blissful self medication of narcotic release
You 'll laugh and join in a crowd to feel alive.
Now ask yourself this
Are you proud
Proud of how you have to use smoke clouds to enjoy the beautiful world around you
the thing I hate to be the most
now look at me
The person I want to be is gone
Now all I want to feel is the chemical melodies of the song that is my high
I want to tell those I love goodbye and not feel guilty that I want to die
Tell them that when I get high I feel as close to death as ever
Tell them to let me be
tell them I set myself free.
Made this when I was really upset because I started smoking ****, got over it though...