Things are better most of the time whatever
Free from the past no looking back not where I'm at no going back
From young and dumb to older wiser forgave myself no one but me could do that for myself.
Counting my blessings breaking free from misery goodbye to negativity being me who I'm meant to be
Love so many but alone best way to go
Cut me out but I'll be fine doing my thing your opinion don't mean anything if you ain't helping me. I'd be close but you me away now stay better off anyway. Glory hounds taking all the credit don't need to be praised just need to be done.
Not hurting anyone or trying get hurt live in peace not fall back into bad habits. Cleaned up my act not the same sad how bad memories remain

Can't wrap my mind around the madness of others they think they are helping but just making things complicated. The worse part is it's my family. I stopped judging others because those people are in my family but how long do you turn a blind eye? How much do longer do you avoid them but they seem to be back making your blood boil. Not an angry person but the mind won't let it go in and out circling thoughts of say this do that. It's better to do nothing instead of being self destructive don't need others to make bad decision could be done alone. If they knocked you take them down with you make them feel their wrath and you take the blame while they play victim. So hard to escape enjoy life when you think that shouldn't of happened, why did it happen? How could've you prevent it but it's too late it already happened.

Not to fond of the holidays thanksgiving a time to be around family but year around no one gets along or talks unless favors are needed. Can't eat turkey because being allergic just means eat ham. Don't really have traditions but a sister is making the notion that we should start our own traditional feast. Not too fond of the ideas being forced to interact with brothers that make everything person but claim it's a joke. Once you return the favor they can not dish what they serve. Love family but not like them and never felt like one of them. Blood doesn't make you family because close friends treat you like you belong and matter.
Christmas is a time for family as well but not expecting gifts or giving them out. Usually go with and aunt or best friend never feels like anyone is into the season. After these times are over life goes back to normal. Where family doesn't talk or impose their ways. Not close to anyone because being my own person means much. No awkward conversations about being single or talking about my personal life with a stranger. Like privacy but being able to feel safe when expressing my thoughts instead of everything being used against me for some useless argument that has nothing to do with me because not empowering that nonsense walking away makes it easier then having to encounter misconduct by family that in their mind is seen as looking out.

The words in his head came out clean but would not come out of his mouth. He spoke the truth but his words made others think the worse. They would twist them making him out to be the bad guy. They had no respect or regard for his feelings sick of the being the bad guy when they did way worse. He could call check up on them but they would ignore his text and his calls. But when they needed something they would call and expect him to drop what he was doing. It angered him he was treated unfair but they could care less their selfish deeds and needs came first. Always looking in but never a part or accepted. He wanted to let them know but they'd never change so he won't waste his breath find his own way to express his feelings and emotions his words each page filled with ink or each blog gave him freedom from anxiety and look at these feels cope and move on. The silence within from outside factors don't matter break away in the mind a home is where he loves to stay his place to go away share not worried to be judged anyway

He stood deep in thought focused on his task
Others looked in his eyes assumed he was sad or hurt.
He was happy go lucky never asked anyone for anything because they weren't reliable
He made the most of his time gave his all
He loved his job earned every cent
Rather then ask how he felt they assumed he was sad or mad
This would annoy him so it would frustrated him leading to anger but he would let it go he didn't like others dictating his mood.
He hid his emotions because it got the best of him
He would focus on what made him happy regardless off all the distractions and setbacks
He worked hard so he could invest in himself. So many struggles in his mind coping with all these pent up thoughts and emotions.
He smiled his eyes sparkled because he was free
His caring eyes made others feel safe when he wasn't rushed or being provoked
He was willing to help those eyes determined
Once he's on the back burner he would work with what he had those eyes told stories shared emotions. He would go wide eyed for being honest because his honesty got him in trouble
Big brown eyes with long eyelashes that made girls jealous because his were real and natural. He was attracted they made him pretty.

They left you alone trying to throw heats of shade your way. Only calling you when they need something half the time you treat me different looking down on me. I mind my own don't care to come around. You know me down but I'm back up. What's worse is your my blood instead of backing me up your cursing me for not following. I'm my own person could handle being alone while you all gang up on me. Make me feel over the edge but not jumping off falling you're not responsible for my fate. Walking strong never giving up on my faith focused on destiny. You're not helping me you have no right or no say in my life. My self-esteem builds more confident the less I interact standing talk not letting you hold me back putting doubt in my head not listening to lies these rumors you spread. You'll try to beat me only way is when I'm dead. Deep frustrations coming out not pretending to be your friend I let the drama die not letting you in my head free from you no more dreading the day moving on no need to stay.

Hung with my sister ate at a new place. Liked the food hit up the mall got tshirts I've been wanting.  Today was a good day away from my normal lazy day routine. I like o lock myself in my room and write also catch up on my shows sometimes look for new music by artist I like. Music is not the same now a days I can't relate. I like it up beat with a story or catchy hook. I'm a 90s kid so things now a days don't make sense but I'm getting older so things do change.

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