Don't like to argue with anyone already an internal struggle with trying to do what's right. Easier to write it down than speak it words wont come out losing the train of thought searching for the words. Mouth goes mute have to force it up project loud or wont be heard so many words.
Trying to get along not force things to work out especially if they aren't meant to be. Open mind and heart hardwired different from the rest.
He didn't expect anyone to change but they wanted him to be someone else just to be liked to be accepted. It wasn't worth it and he didn't like the idea of denying himself to be part of an indecisive group. He'd rather do his own thing than be dissected like a fixer up project.
He wanted to let go but remembered all the nonsense. They told him full of double standards, all the criticism from two faced individuals. He wasn't angry just puzzled because they thought less of him and thought they had say and control of his life
He went for it and come up short every time this time it might actually happen come true. Thought he was out because they found someone better on the side lines staying loyal and true. Felt like one part of the crew something real something true. Wasn't the best but always there on deck showing nothing but love and respect ready to work and get it done.
Didn't like to say anything that's why writing is important became his voice. No one seemed to care or listening his only choice to express his thoughts and feelings. Changing his mind wasn't a debate but he was always open to learn and grow. He didn't always make it right away when his time came he felt better about not being rushed took time to improve and grow reflect and change things that needed to be worked on
Crazy to hear what others think don't feel or see myself that way. Another chapter on going forward trying not to look back. Head up feeling dragged down not responsible for others another person pinning blame what a **** shame. Minding your mouth most of your business while they try to change your ways while never around in and out of the picture.
He was too old to be mad and beefing with everyone. He did distance himself from things been working on being a better version of himself. Some still think he's that person they met long ago. He did make mistakes he's been wrong learned the lesson and forgave himself learned to no expect much so he won't be disappointed. Knowing if he wanted it he would have to work for it and earn it.
He's thankful for the people that accepted him. He was tired of altering himself to be accepted. Not this person they made him out to be.
He wanted the answers but ended up with more questions. No solutions just more up in the air problems that would eventually end up in his lap taking on what he could handle. Praying and laying in bed with music playing singing helped his find closure and peace. He thought he could make a different looking in the mirror seeing an older man who was tired. Seeking meaning and purpose seeing his opportunity go to another person. He was denying the truth but happy for the person.
He worried it didn't happened more determined than before. Did his part and more just in the background. He wanted to be a lead but everything was harder than it should be. He didn't always agree but did respect the decision made. His family at him up wanting to be there to be around. Everything was tainted had to be a struggle so much conflict for expressing concern. They don't know your story quick to make assumptions. Trying to think your life but dk your experience. It wasn't a priority in his eyes why did they make it out to be drama. Even if he had done it or if it mattered to him they wouldn't care or give a ****.