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In the early morning hours of a crisp foggy November
Driving down the dusty road a few weeks before December

Noticed a truck from a distance not moving with lights on
Driving closer  I noticed a person sitting, hours before dawn

Got out of my truck and walked up to the drivers' side to check
Only to be terrified to find out that this guy died in a wreck.

Finding no skid marks on the road
The victim probably never slowed

A guy hit a tree head-on and instantly died
I ran back panicking to my truck to hide.

His face was not a face it was mangled
Torn up in cut glass and his nose dangled

Never reported the accident to the police
After seeing this I wanted some peace

Later in the day, a newspaper was delivered
The man who died, I knew and I shivered

Not realizing it was my friend
I knew it was that person's end

Too drunk to call on the authorities
Not wanting to be arrested was my priority

The man was already deceased
At that time he needed a priest

I read in the newspaper the guy died on impact
Wasn't worried since the cause of death was a fact

Never forget that horrible blustery day
That I was drunk and walked away

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Copyright 2019
On my grandparents farm I recall
laying in the grass on the quilt that grandma made
looking up through the breezy tree's to the blue skies and bright sun
Summer half over, getting close to harvest time
The grandparents are walking through their fields of corn
Uncle sitting on the tractor under a shady tree sipping at some lemonade
My aunt is sitting on the porch swing drinking some pop, resting after
cleaning out the Smokehouse.
The cows standing outside the fence looking at me as if I'm going to entertain them.
a work in progress
A decoy friend, baited, lured it's unwitting
The latest victim to prepare for an ambush
Lurking in the shadows, but hiding in plain sight,
Observing from below to organize for apprehension
Anxious to terrorize its prey, with their boon companions
Using my notions of long ago, of unspoken content
Reveals it's  deceiving affirmation, pursuing instruments
Distributed to others to use against me
A sham of being pristine, weeping tears that aren't real
A deceiver of her spoken words,
That her followers always believe
A professional charlatan, a trickster  
Pursuing its prey, while pretending to be a victim
Always having to have total dominance
Living well on administration prosperity
With her trio of  illegitimate offspring of dissimilar fathers

Copyright 2019
all rights reserved.
I have always wished that someone would say
Please let me help,  I will take your pain away

For many years I've been in mental anguish
Mother's insults made me want to vanish

I live in a prison that is in my mind  
This I know because, I'm deeply entwined

You've carried a heavy burden, for so many years
Being a single parent of an ill child can bring many tears

In my late fifty's things have never changed
Because of my mother, my family is estranged

copyright 2019
all rights reserved
You made me feel guilty when I liked something
Kept me isolated from my sister, and other family
Told lies on me so society would hate me
Controlled me so that I'd act around others the way you planned
Sent me away to be fixed, because you said I was broken.
Pretended you cared, but that was just an act
Confused, scared and left me feeling insecure
Made me feel unwanted, not important and in your way
You called me names, ignored me and made demands
Drank and blamed it on me, but hid it from others
You were never a good mother because you abused me everyday of my life.
But you were the one who came out smelling like a rose
While I continue to suffer under your lies.

Copyright 2019
All rights reserved
My Enemy lies within me
I've learned to hate myself
for who I am, and who I am not
dreams that were never born and others, shot down by my mother.
never being good enough, something about me was very bad.
others were better, smarter and deserved happiness when I did not.
dependent on her as she encouraged,  lied to others of my demands
Mothers words are poison, toxic, filled and spewing destruction
Though she's gone, those words are still heard inside my head at everything I do.
haunted by her choice of words, using them on myself daily hearing her anger inside my head

copyright Jan 23, 2019
all rights reserved
I love you with all my heart, and you are okay.
Instead I heard will you forever go away?

I will look out for you. You are safe. I am here for you,
Instead she always made me feel sad and feel blue

Mother only taught me how to spend money
Never how to save, she thought that was funny

Loved to see when in my life I was in a bad place
Just another reason to tell family I was a disgrace

In my family, mother did so much damage
Looks like every things to her advantage

The lies she told on me to others were in her favor
When in truth my mother was really the betrayer

I am a prisoner of her actions
and she loved the satisfaction

Because this was her power
That would make me cower

She could control me like a puppet
While things in my life would plummet

She convinced others that I was very bad
So I'd have no one, this made her glad

Bad things in my life she said were always my fault
But abuse she put on me would never come to a halt

I'm still living in the shadows of her abuse
Even though I live far away, I am a recluse

Not a day or night goes by that I don't hear in my head
All those many unkind words to me she always said

Copyright Jan 6, 2019
all rights reserved
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