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I should be done trying
But I don't know how to stop
I thought I was over this
But I guess that I'm not
I don't know what to do
I'm losing composure
I'm counting down the days
I'm losing time for closure
What do you call us
We never had a fling
Or a full conversation
Were we ever anything?
I think you're a thief
You stole my attention
From the man I'm going to marry
I just need an intervention
I think I'm am addict
I need you out of my life
So stop showing me interest
Save that for your wife
01/30/2018
I walk a thin line
I teeter to both sides
From the lust I feel towards you
To the potential for love that can't be denied
I know it's inappropriate
The way I talk with you
But you get me so frustrated
And I want to see this through
Then when I tried to pry
I guess it came out wrong
You called me beautiful
Which brought the butterflies along
That's not what I wanted
But I don't know if that's true
And these feelings I have
Must be misconstrued
We're only friends
I can't cross that line
Even if it means
That you'll never be mine
08/06/2019
I can’t read these signs
Were they ever there
You won’t look me in the eyes
But why do I care
It’s my mind and my heart
They’re tearing me in two
I’m about to be married
Yet my heart skips for you
I know this isn’t easy
These feelings are confusing
But your come and go attitude
Is feeling abusing
So here we are now
Let’s bring this to the end
And happily ever after
We were never even friends
08/21/2017
I’m tallying the days
How many more
Until I see you again
But I don’t know what I’m counting for
I wrote you a note
I hid it in plain sight
It’s been waiting for awhile
Hidden away from the light
I know you led me on
Before you saw my left hand
Many months have passed
And these feelings still stand
I never saw your ring
I guess that’s no excuse
I’m about to be married
But your eyes made me an offer my heart could not refuse
09/27/2017
What are we doing
I don’t even know
Why can’t I
Just let these feelings go
We’ve stayed innocent
But for how long
Next time we’re alone
What if things move along
That’s not what we want
But I don’t know if that’s true
There’s ideas in my head
That want to be pursued
But I can’t give in
There’s too much to lose
So I'm hopelessly in lust
With nothing I can do
"You shall not commit adultery."

09/14/2017
What if you kissed me
What if I wanted you to
I put these ideas in my mind
Knowing I’ll never follow them through
You’re my favorite idea
But you’ll never leave my head
Why are you in my thoughts
And not in my bed
I’m only talk
But this is no game
Are these feelings real
Or a figment of imagination in my brain
Your eye contact
It sets me on fire
Your lips on mine
Is what I desire
09/21/2017
I thought you knew
Or maybe you do not
Your quiet composure
Penetrated my thoughts
We had a moment
And time slowed down
A second of eye contact
Has me turned around
Your smile says it all
And that glimmer in your eye
Maybe you don’t know
But if you asked I’d lie
05/05/2017
What were you thinking
You'd get me while I'm vulnerable
Walk up to me like we were friends
But we were at a funeral
What else is there to say
There's never a good time
You're already married
And I have someone I call mine
Did you want to see him
To know who has my heart
As you both stood on my sides
I quietly was torn apart
Did you want me to get caught
Why did you think that was okay
You ignored me for so long
Then walked up and said "hey"
You know we don't talk
You know we don't hangout
You know those are my boundaries
Because it's him I can't live without
You might fill my mind
But I can't deny
I'm going to marry him
You were never more than some guy
04/02/2018
Sometimes I wonder
Why my heart chose you
Because I'm getting married
And you're married too
Sometimes I wonder
Will we ever talk
And if you made a move
Would I reciprocate or walk
Sometimes I wonder
Does she know my name
Does anyone know about me
Do you wonder the same
Sometimes I wonder
That maybe he knows
But when I spoke the words I liked you
The joke went right under his nose
Sometimes I wonder
Have I read the signs wrong
Or if you've written about me
Because I know you write songs
Sometimes I wonder
Will these feelings ever end
Because when I get married
I don't want to pretend
04/04/2018
A shy smile and intense eyes
Made me scared to be around
So I moved my car and kept my distance
Then tried not to be found
Time flew by until months had passed
Everything turned out fine
But it all changed in an instant
When I found myself behind you in line
One moment was all it took
To send me through this downfall
One statement was all you made
To bring a start to this all
I wasn’t sure what happened
It all occurred so fast
I was captivated by your confidence
And those eyes I met in the past
I let the moment slip my mind
But you locked me in one more
Time froze when I met your gaze
As you walked right through the door
Now I know the start of this whole mess
But I’m trying to find the end
So I’ll take advice from the beginning
And continue to pretend
07/24/2017
A parking spot is a location
A mug is just a cup
Why am I fixating
On things that don't mean that much
A shirt is not a statement
But these things are adding up
And I am captivated by
Someone who doesn't give a ****
I think I'm losing my mind
It's all up in the air
Our days were numbered from the start
And I don't know why I care
You're still driving me crazy
You insinuated things you wouldn't dare
You crossed every line I drew
Making me fall in love was never fair
06/19/2018
I saw him in the corner
The place you used to sit
My ghost of unrequited love
And he's become a surrogate
His eyes burned into me
They're the same shade of blue
He haunts me in these hallways
In the same way you used to
When I smile at him
It's you that's on my mind
A tangible replacement
To the one who left me behind
All you had to do was kiss me
Then you left me distracted
And this torch burns for you
But it's him I've attracted
07/25/2019
We need to finish this
But I don't know what this is
Is my heart yours?
Or, is it his?
My heart is breaking
I don't know what to do
After two weeks
I thought I was over you
Why did you do this to me
You locked me in your eyes
You smiled while you spoke
You will be my demise
We've had this unspoken thing
Why couldn't you let it end
It could have gone away like it never happened
But you drew me in again
It's been almost a year
That I've had these feelings for you
If this doesn't end soon
Who am I being married to?
01/03/2018
It was February on a Tuesday
There was pizza in the break room
I kept my distance behind you
Before realizing there was more than food to consume
You turned around and saw me
You nudged me over saying “get in here”
I guess I never saw you like that before
I was stunned as it all became so clear
I think we had a moment
As you looked me in the eyes
While I drowned there in your ocean
I was feeling so surprised
I think you experienced that with me
Because things started to change
You came around more often
I couldn’t stop thinking your name
I was unsure if it was mutual
Then you walked right through the door
And I think we froze in another moment
That left me wanting more
One day I took the elevator
You went to take the stairs
Then you saw where I was going
And you followed me in there
We stood there in silence
I kept looking at you
Then you broke it with conversation
Of things I already knew
You told me you went on a company trip
I saw you leave that day
You briefly talked about it
And I told you I’d be at the one in May
Things were so simple then
At least I wanted them to be
I don’t think that you knew
But I was getting married
Then one day your demeanor changed
I thought that maybe you knew
And days later my telephone rang
And it was a personal call for you
They were following up on paperwork
For you and for your wife
I shook to those words
As it pierced me like a knife
I had to call you
You must have seen the caller ID
Because your voice stuttered when you answered
But I tried to stay as composed as I could be
I transferred you the call
Then I sat there in confusion
I never looked for a ring
Was all of this just an illusion
I questioned my engagement
But you’re already committed
To the girl you promised a future
I just need to stay acquitted
I couldn’t sleep at night
I was tossing and I was turning
While I laid there next to him
But I knew my heart was yearning
I didn’t know how to react
Was this an indication that my feet were cold
Or was I carrying around this guilt
Because my relationship grew old
I didn’t know how to be around you
When we’d pass we’d look away
The flame was turning frigid
Everytime we unintentionally met in the hallway
I tried to let this fade out
I wanted to find an end
But I’d see you around in passing
And this situation was too much to comprehend
Maybe I wanted more
I don’t know what I was thinking
These feelings kept adding up
With thoughts of interlinking
You’d ignore me some days
And act friendly the rest
And the more this went on
The more I suppressed
I wanted to know everything
But I couldn’t find you
You had no presence online
Of things you were tied to
But I did find one thing
A band you were in
So I went through your music
And played “Mission Accomplished” again
That was all I could find
And I left it that way
As we continued in awkward encounters
That moved along the days
As months began to pass
These feelings remained
But no words left our lips
And no feelings explained
Then the inevitable happened
You took a vacation
I thought I could move on
If there was no temptation
But that’s not how it worked
You remained on my mind
With all these things I presumed
That had been left undefined
When you walked back through the doors
I didn’t know what to do
I lost all control
I was not ready to see you
Then came our work party
We were at the end of the year
When you walked in with your wife
I wanted to disappear
I drowned myself in a drink
Or maybe it was more
And when my fiancé left halfway through
I felt nothing but deplore
I couldn’t stop drinking
I’d never seen your wife
But I was facing you
And lost in my own strife
Later I stumbled towards your table
And I saw that you were gone
I was a drunk mess
Who needed to move on
Then it happened again
You went on vacation
And I found something else
To focus my fixation
But it was gone simultaneously
With when you returned
I just couldn’t escape you
Why hadn’t I learned
But this time felt different
You wanted to talk to me
But our conversation had a cost
That we both could foresee
And we both knew the price
Which is perhaps why you changed
Because you went back to ignoring me
I felt so deranged
And here we are now
We’re one year through
Now I’ve written my story
What should I do?
02/01/2018
Maybe we met at the wrong time
In another life I would have made you mine
I think we need some time apart
You can't be the one to hold my heart
A married man can't love another
He can't take me under the covers
He can't make me feel the way he does
I just want to go back to the way it was
But what if you're the one who gets away
I might come to regret this someday
I shouldn't want you the way that I do
In 38 days I need to be over you
You need to stop making me feel this way
Love can't be put on layaway
You know how I feel and you did it again
Why did I ever let you in
05/30/2018
You light me up like a Christmas tree
And I feel so juvenile
But I'm too chicken to say how I feel
Because I'm still in denial

Because there's so many words you've said
And I've wondered if they were for me
With so many words that I've said
You were always listening

Because I remember my words
And it appears you did too
You're a very good listener
For someone I've rarely spoken to

Because I'm running towards you
But is this the right way to go
I'm chasing after someone
Who I don't even know

We're flirting with the line
And I'm on the edge
Are you going to cross
Or stay true to your pledge
09/28/2018

— The End —