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9.1k · Jun 2018
Secrets
I wonder what you’re thinking
When you look at me
Are you a perfect gentleman
Or are you ******* me
With your eyes
They say a penny for a thought
But are these things that can’t be bought
Am I like the dust you sweep
Under the rug
Expecting company
Keeping me a secret
Or am I not in your thoughts
Do you look right through me
As your eyes burn into me
With someone else in mind
04/25/2017
5.0k · Oct 2018
The Receptionist
It was February on a Tuesday
There was pizza in the break room
I kept my distance behind you
Before realizing there was more than food to consume
You turned around and saw me
You nudged me over saying “get in here”
I guess I never saw you like that before
I was stunned as it all became so clear
I think we had a moment
As you looked me in the eyes
While I drowned there in your ocean
I was feeling so surprised
I think you experienced that with me
Because things started to change
You came around more often
I couldn’t stop thinking your name
I was unsure if it was mutual
Then you walked right through the door
And I think we froze in another moment
That left me wanting more
One day I took the elevator
You went to take the stairs
Then you saw where I was going
And you followed me in there
We stood there in silence
I kept looking at you
Then you broke it with conversation
Of things I already knew
You told me you went on a company trip
I saw you leave that day
You briefly talked about it
And I told you I’d be at the one in May
Things were so simple then
At least I wanted them to be
I don’t think that you knew
But I was getting married
Then one day your demeanor changed
I thought that maybe you knew
And days later my telephone rang
And it was a personal call for you
They were following up on paperwork
For you and for your wife
I shook to those words
As it pierced me like a knife
I had to call you
You must have seen the caller ID
Because your voice stuttered when you answered
But I tried to stay as composed as I could be
I transferred you the call
Then I sat there in confusion
I never looked for a ring
Was all of this just an illusion
I questioned my engagement
But you’re already committed
To the girl you promised a future
I just need to stay acquitted
I couldn’t sleep at night
I was tossing and I was turning
While I laid there next to him
But I knew my heart was yearning
I didn’t know how to react
Was this an indication that my feet were cold
Or was I carrying around this guilt
Because my relationship grew old
I didn’t know how to be around you
When we’d pass we’d look away
The flame was turning frigid
Everytime we unintentionally met in the hallway
I tried to let this fade out
I wanted to find an end
But I’d see you around in passing
And this situation was too much to comprehend
Maybe I wanted more
I don’t know what I was thinking
These feelings kept adding up
With thoughts of interlinking
You’d ignore me some days
And act friendly the rest
And the more this went on
The more I suppressed
I wanted to know everything
But I couldn’t find you
You had no presence online
Of things you were tied to
But I did find one thing
A band you were in
So I went through your music
And played “Mission Accomplished” again
That was all I could find
And I left it that way
As we continued in awkward encounters
That moved along the days
As months began to pass
These feelings remained
But no words left our lips
And no feelings explained
Then the inevitable happened
You took a vacation
I thought I could move on
If there was no temptation
But that’s not how it worked
You remained on my mind
With all these things I presumed
That had been left undefined
When you walked back through the doors
I didn’t know what to do
I lost all control
I was not ready to see you
Then came our work party
We were at the end of the year
When you walked in with your wife
I wanted to disappear
I drowned myself in a drink
Or maybe it was more
And when my fiancé left halfway through
I felt nothing but deplore
I couldn’t stop drinking
I’d never seen your wife
But I was facing you
And lost in my own strife
Later I stumbled towards your table
And I saw that you were gone
I was a drunk mess
Who needed to move on
Then it happened again
You went on vacation
And I found something else
To focus my fixation
But it was gone simultaneously
With when you returned
I just couldn’t escape you
Why hadn’t I learned
But this time felt different
You wanted to talk to me
But our conversation had a cost
That we both could foresee
And we both knew the price
Which is perhaps why you changed
Because you went back to ignoring me
I felt so deranged
And here we are now
We’re one year through
Now I’ve written my story
What should I do?
02/01/2018
4.2k · Nov 2018
Sometimes
Sometimes I wonder
Why my heart chose you
Because I'm getting married
And you're married too
Sometimes I wonder
Will we ever talk
And if you made a move
Would I reciprocate or walk
Sometimes I wonder
Does she know my name
Does anyone know about me
Do you wonder the same
Sometimes I wonder
That maybe he knows
But when I spoke the words I liked you
The joke went right under his nose
Sometimes I wonder
Have I read the signs wrong
Or if you've written about me
Because I know you write songs
Sometimes I wonder
Will these feelings ever end
Because when I get married
I don't want to pretend
04/04/2018
3.8k · Jan 17
Because Because
You light me up like a Christmas tree
And I feel so juvenile
Because I'm too chicken to say how I feel
Because I'm still in denial

Because there's so many words you've said
And I've wondered if they were for me
Because with so many words that I've said
You were always listening

Because I remember my words
And it appears you did too
Because you're a very good listener
For someone I've rarely spoken to

Because I'm running towards you
But is this the right way to go
Because I'm chasing after a man
Who I don't even know

Because we're flirting with the line
Because I'm on the edge
Are you going to cross
Or stay true to your pledge
09/28/2018
3.3k · Oct 2018
A-dick-ted
I should be done trying
But I don't know how to stop
I thought I was over this
But I guess that I'm not
I don't know what to do
I'm losing composure
I'm counting down the days
I'm losing time for closure
What do you call us
We never had a fling
Or a full conversation
Were we ever anything?
I think you're a thief
You stole my attention
From the man I'm going to marry
I just need an intervention
I think I'm am addict
I need you out of my life
So stop showing me interest
Save that for your wife
01/30/2018
3.1k · Sep 2018
Destruction
Where to start
I don’t know where to begin
I don’t even know you
We’re not even friends
You’re a fantasy
That got carried away
As you sneak in my mind
And destruct my whole day
You’re a place
I just can’t find
Alone in an elevator
Don’t think that I’m blind
You’re an ocean
When I’m lost in your eyes
All the lust that I’m feeling
Makes me feel compromised
06/28/2017
3.0k · Oct 2018
Long Term
I don’t understand you
You must like to see me squirm
I tried to stop this in its tracks
But these feelings became long term
This never should have started
But I can’t make you go away
And after all this time
I’m losing track of the days
Winter was almost over
When you charmed me with your smile
And now we’re falling back
With these feelings still in denial
We need some time apart
So that’s just what we’ll do
You’ll take a vacation
And I won’t think of you
I didn’t do my part
These feelings were too strong
And now you’re over me
And I’m the one in the wrong
10/05/2017
2.6k · Nov 2018
Something We Never Were
You look me in the eyes
And the past comes flooding back
I don't know what to do
My heart is under attack
I thought this was over
You have a wife
When you do this to me
I can't sleep at night
Do you want me
Or do you want her
I'm trying to get over
Something we never were
03/14/2018
2.5k · Oct 2018
Move
You have to know I write about you
There’s no way that you don’t
I’d say I’d let you read this
But I know that I won’t
I’d say I don’t look for you
But we both know that’s not true
Every time you’re around me
I don’t know what to do
I’m counting down the days
Until we make this move
Maybe I won’t see you
But what would that prove
I know that this is wrong
But I want to know your feelings
But what if I don’t want to hear
The information you’d be revealing
We go back and forth
Like this is some kind of game
And I don’t know that it’s not
And what if you feel the same
We are getting so close
What happens when this ends
Do we move on like it never happened
And continued to pretend
12/12/2017
2.4k · Nov 2018
Some Guy
What were you thinking
You'd get me while I'm vulnerable
Walk up to me like we were friends
But we were at a funeral
What else is there to say
There's never a good time
You're already married
And I have someone I call mine
Did you want to see him
To know who has my heart
As you both stood on my sides
I quietly was torn apart
Did you want me to get caught
Why did you think that was okay
You ignored me for so long
Then walked up and said "hey"
You know we don't talk
You know we don't hangout
You know those are my boundaries
Because it's him I can't live without
You might fill my mind
But I can't deny
I'm going to marry him
You were never more than some guy
04/02/2018
1.9k · Oct 2018
The Other Guy
We need to finish this
But I don't know what this is
Is my heart yours?
Or, is it his?
My heart is breaking
I don't know what to do
After two weeks
I thought I was over you
Why did you do this to me
You locked me in your eyes
You smiled while you spoke
You will be my demise
We've had this unspoken thing
Why couldn't you let it end
It could have gone away like it never happened
But you drew me in again
It's been almost a year
That I've had these feelings for you
If this doesn't end soon
Who am I being married to?
01/03/2018
1.8k · Oct 2018
Go Away
I don’t know
Where I went wrong
Do we see eye-to-eye
Do we even get along
You’re all over the place
It’s making me sick
I can’t tell if you’re shy
Or you’re just a ****
What are we
You’re not my friend
Your presence makes me crazy
So when does this end
11/03/2017
1.6k · Sep 2018
Start
A shy smile and intense eyes
Made me scared to be around
So I moved my car and kept my distance
Then tried not to be found
Time flew by until months had passed
Everything turned out fine
But it all changed in an instant
When I found myself behind you in line
One moment was all it took
To send me through this downfall
One statement was all you made
To bring a start to this all
I wasn’t sure what happened
It all occurred so fast
I was captivated by your confidence
And those eyes I met in the past
I let the moment slip my mind
But you locked me in one more
Time froze when I met your gaze
As you walked right through the door
Now I know the start of this whole mess
But I’m trying to find the end
So I’ll take advice from the beginning
And continue to pretend
07/24/2017
1.5k · Oct 2018
Fantasy
What if you kissed me
What if I wanted you to
I put these ideas in my mind
Knowing I’ll never follow them through
You’re my favorite idea
But you’ll never leave my head
Why are you in my thoughts
And not in my bed
I’m only talk
But this is no game
Are these feelings real
Or a figment of imagination in my brain
Your eye contact
It sets me on fire
Your lips on mine
Is what I desire
09/21/2017
1.3k · Jan 4
Tragic Hero
Twice in one week
I don't understand
Was that on purpose
Or was this unplanned
In your Friday's best
Is that even a thing
It's been almost a year
Since you quit that routine
Without fail our paths cross
I still feel your fire
And even though it burns me
It's you I desire
I don't know where we stand
Because you still look back
I want you to save me
But you're my heart attack
08/31/2018
1.1k · Nov 2018
Lost At Sea
The look in your eyes
Became my demise
I get carried away
I can't hear what they say
The feelings still there
The butterflies everywhere
I'm melting inside
From you, I can't hide
I don't know if it's real
I don't know how you feel
This isn't me
I'm lost at sea
This lifeguard can't save me
I think I'm going crazy
He has my devotion
But I'm drowning in your ocean
05/29/2018
876 · Oct 2018
The Truth
I'm locking up secrets
They're encoded in this book
I'm a composed person
Until I get that look
I'm coming undone
Your eyes bring me down
I've reached out for help
But you're never around
I don't want to play your games
I don't know why I care
When I don't want you near me
You're always there
I've written it out
These feelings so bare
I'm in love with you
This just isn't fair
01/11/2018
838 · Dec 2018
Peaches
Could you smell my perfume
As you stood beside me
With him on my arm
I was hurting so badly
That was the last time we spoke
You only said "hey"
I responded with a smile
As my heart beated away
The months have flown by
This has gone on too long
I can't control my feelings
I've done nothing else wrong
Why can't I end this
I need to let go
I fell in love with a man
That I don't even know
07/19/2018
805 · Oct 2018
You See Me
I think I played your game
But I don’t know if you care
You still came to see for yourself
Why are you always there
I just can’t hide away
I’m always in plain sight
You know where to find me
And we know that it’s not right
Why do I feel all of these things
You’re tearing me in two
I’m in a good place in my life
Until I get that look from you
The sparks are flying inside me
My butterflies won’t die
I need to make a decision
Before I have to lie
12/14/2017
616 · Jan 23
Accomplice
I'm still dreaming about you
I never pictured this outcome
You're like a nightmare
That I can't wake up from
So many words wasted
On poems written about you
I never wanted any of this
I hope you're haunted too
Get out of jail free
Should not exist
As partners in crime
You also deserve this
I'm drowning in guilt
There is no remedy
You can leave a person in the past
But you can never erase the memory
01/18/2019
493 · Oct 2018
Foundation
I didn't want to write that
But the thoughts won't leave my mind
And in my prior journal
I thought I left you behind
But here you are on these pages
One turned into two
And as this book is filling up
I know it's because of you
I took up writing again
Because there were things that needed to be worked through
But now those thoughts don't fill my pages
As much as these things about you
I forgot how much I needed this
But I know I don't need you
Then you fill me with confusion
And I don't know what to do
I'm writing on the pages
But it doesn't mean that much
So these words are adding up
And this is nothing but a crutch
01/17/2018
471 · Nov 2018
The End
A parking spot is a location
A mug is just a cup
Why am I fixating
On things that don't mean that much
A shirt is not a statement
But these things are adding up
And I am captivated by
Someone who doesn't give a ****
I think I'm losing my mind
It's all up in the air
Our days were numbered from the start
And I don't know why I care
You're still driving me crazy
You insinuated things you wouldn't dare
You crossed every line I drew
Making me fall in love was never fair
06/19/2018
456 · Oct 2018
Seasons
We’ve cycled through the seasons
These feelings have no reasons
But placing my lips on the guy I heard sing
Is all that’s been on my mind since spring
Your eyes have a way of looking at me
I wonder if it’s me they see
Or do you just see something you desire
Whatever it is, you set me on fire
In winter you turned up the heat
Your eyes on me made my heart skip a beat
In spring you brought the showers
But by the end there were no flowers
In summer you kept things cool
While I stayed lost feeling like a fool
We’re in fall and that’s all I’ve done
But in the end I’m not the one
11/01/2017
345 · Oct 2018
Unresolved
I don't know what to think
The questions pile up
I still don't have the answers
I guess I've been stood up
I'm not sure what happened
You changed then changed again
And after all that happened
We're still not even friends
Maybe it's my fault
Did I come on too strong
Those moments we shared all to ourselves
I guess I read those wrong
I'm searching for the answers
There's nothing there to find
I'm grasping for some context
But I can't read your mind
01/19/2018
345 · Oct 2018
Love Sick
I’m sick, I’m nauseous
My stomach is turning
Every time I see you
I’m filled with this yearning
You did this to me
I don’t know how I feel
Your eyes locked in mine
And I don’t know what is real
I don’t know who you are
I don’t know myself either
But this feeling you give me
I’m getting a fever
11/02/2017
309 · Oct 2018
Nobody's Home
We’re too far in
What do I do
I thought that by now
I’d be over you
We deny how we feel
Or maybe I’m alone
Maybe I’ve moved in
But there’s nobody home
What do I do
I’m in too deep
None of these feelings
I want to keep
Do you feel them too
Or are my signs wrong
Has this been in my head
All along?
10/30/2017
307 · Aug 13
Broken Stones
I walk a thin line
I teeter to both sides
From the lust I feel towards you
To the potential for love that can't be denied
I know it's inappropriate
The way I talk with you
But you get me so frustrated
And I want to see this through
Then when I tried to pry
I guess it came out wrong
You called me beautiful
Which brought the butterflies along
That's not what I wanted
But I don't know if that's true
And these feelings I have
Must be misconstrued
We're only friends
I can't cross that line
Even if it means
That you'll never be mine
08/06/2019
306 · Jul 25
The Invisible Flame
I saw him in the corner
The place you used to sit
My ghost of unrequited love
And he's become a surrogate
His eyes burned into me
They're the same shade of blue
He haunts me in these hallways
In the same way you used to
When I smile at him
It's you that's on my mind
A tangible replacement
To the one who left me behind
All you had to do was kiss me
Then you left me distracted
And this torch burns for you
But it's him I've attracted
07/25/2019
300 · Sep 12
Dead End
I can’t read these signs
Were they ever there
You won’t look me in the eyes
But why do I care
It’s my mind and my heart
They’re tearing me in two
I’m about to be married
Yet my heart skips for you
I know this isn’t easy
These feelings are confusing
But your come and go attitude
Is feeling abusing
So here we are now
Let’s bring this to the end
And happily ever after
We were never even friends
08/21/2017
273 · Nov 2018
Timing
Maybe we met at the wrong time
In another life I would have made you mine
I think we need some time apart
You can't be the one to hold my heart
A married man can't love another
He can't take me under the covers
He can't make me feel the way he does
I just want to go back to the way it was
But what if you're the one who gets away
I might come to regret this someday
I shouldn't want you the way that I do
In 38 days I need to be over you
You need to stop making me feel this way
Love can't be put on layaway
You know how I feel and you did it again
Why did I ever let you in
05/30/2018
252 · Sep 27
Exodus 20:14
What are we doing
I don’t even know
Why can’t I
Just let these feelings go
We’ve stayed innocent
But for how long
Next time we’re alone
What if things move along
That’s not what we want
But I don’t know if that’s true
There’s ideas in my head
That want to be pursued
But I can’t give in
There’s too much to lose
So I'm hopelessly in lust
With nothing I can do
"You shall not commit adultery."

09/14/2017
187 · Sep 4
Lies
I thought you knew
Or maybe you do not
Your quiet composure
Penetrated my thoughts
We had a moment
And time slowed down
A second of eye contact
Has me turned around
Your smile says it all
And that glimmer in your eye
Maybe you don’t know
But if you asked I’d lie
05/05/2017
131 · Oct 23
Evade
I’m tallying the days
How many more
Until I see you again
But I don’t know what I’m counting for
I wrote you a note
I hid it in plain sight
It’s been waiting for awhile
Hidden away from the light
I know you led me on
Before you saw my left hand
Many months have passed
And these feelings still stand
I never saw your ring
I guess that’s no excuse
I’m about to be married
But your eyes made me an offer my heart could not refuse
09/27/2017
93 · Sep 18
Nameless
Do you understand
All of this is your fault
Vindication is all that I want
Except you’re still on my mind
Filling my head in every space for thoughts
Unexpectedly is how this started
Curiosity sparked an interest
Killing me as it lingers
Implicating me in guilt
Nothing can cure this conscious of mine
Going down with every thought
Suspiciously I clear my mind
Pencils and pens create my thoughts
Illustrated with curves that turn to letters
Variety that turns to words
Every one has a meaning and place
Yet I let them remain nameless
07/07/2017

— The End —