my body
misses you
more than it can handle
the pain of the withdrawal.

Love may be the toughest withdrawal
It fertilizes a garden and blooms the wildest—beautiful flowers.
It’s flourishes with enough love given to it,
as it decays in a catastrophic drought.
Nature needs care and its necessities to grow.
We grew a garden raising it up from the seed.
Withdrawals hit when the desire to revive the flowers and the browning of plant is no longer achievable.
No fertilizer.
No water.
Dry Soil.
The wanting to of seeing the flowers bloom again. The wanting of how the garden once looked.
The images of what the garden would have looked like. That is the toughest.

I want to tell you that it's going to be alright.
I want to tell you whatever I have to to get you through the night.
I want to tell you how proud I am that you asked for help as i hold you tight.
No matter how much you scream and cry and shake, I won't give up the fight.
I want to tell you that it's not your fault.
And as we sit by the fire, watching it fill the room with warmth and light, I want to tell you that it's going to be alright

I’m just an addict
I let you become my drug
My high, my fix
I needed you
You wove yourself into my brain
You coursed through my veins
I just wanted more of you
And I knew I’d hit my limit.
You made sure I knew
But I wanted more

Then you left

You left me broken
Weeping
Weak and shaking
Desperate for just a little bit more
Anything to ease the pain
Of this withdrawal

You changed me
You rewired me
You left your essence in my brain
And I can’t get you the hell out

You cut me off
And I still haven’t decided
If that was for my own good
Or a cruel necessity to save yourself
But I guess all I can do now
Is try to get you out of my system

This is going to work
I’ll feel better
Swapping medications
Paroxetine for fluoxetine
Sprinkle in some hydroxyzine
Just keep swallowing
Pill after pill...
Idk... maybe one of them will help
But now.... my head spins
Every time I move
I never want to eat
Then I gorge myself
I can’t remember anything
I’m sorry I keep forgetting
I just... I’m trying so hard to get better
I’m trying. I am.
But to get better
I must endure illness
Withdrawal
Side effects
Before any of it will improve

I often feel an irresistible urge
to shake my head, static
racing across neurons from
chemicals, long gone.
Then comes the gnashing,
grinding teeth, and the
horrible, intrusive thought,
that this will never go away.
But before the thought finishes forming,
the feeling is gone. And I look in the mirror,
and think to myself:
"What the **** have I done?"

Addiction comes again,
Cogitation fuels the yearner,
A soaked rag petting skin
As a bellow stokes ember.

Endorphins, tastes tripping on the tongue
Just a little,
Wet lips cracking with electric spume
For a piffling sip of ambrosia.

Want needs emptiness
When it is full of gluttony.
A ***** drop falls
rippling in the blood of energy.

Racing, flipping, falling through pages to the darker side of your emotions and it eats away at the better part of yourself until you're all but sand.

Sand left desiccated and burning
for a cold withdrawal of the tide.

A sunrises itches towards the horizon
the beholder begs bygones
for this day to be different
to change
anything new feels unbearably strange
i can only
scratch
the frustration
that bubbles to rage
each ray of light
becomes
a bar in the cage
all i feel
is the craving
& desire
in my face

The sunset reveals true being
the beholder starts fleeing
i can't bear to confront it
my soul
i'd rather chase the horizon and see where it goes
get lost
in the spectrum
as clouds turn
rose gold
as the colours
delve deeper
the world
becomes
cold
but i'm sweating
and shifting
my bones
growing old