We have a lot of made up, Hallmark type of Holidays don't we?
We have so many things we are told we have to celebrate our whole lives.
May is here -  Mother's Day is here.
But what about the dirt-bag mothers?
What about the mothers who don't care about their children?
What about the mothers who gave their kids up?

I know it's selfish- it's childish- but you weren't there when I needed you.
You were drowning in a bottle of ***** in your bathtub.
I know it's selfish- it's childish- but you still haven't been there.
You are too busy living in your own issues to remember you have children unless it suits you.

I remember living with dad and my stepmom- she raised me.
I remember grandma helping us with homework- she raised me.
I remember calling my dad when I was sad- he raised me.
I remember asking you where you were after 6 months of not hearing from you - but you couldn't even answer that question.

After years of picking up pieces and telling people I didn't have a mother here I am.
I am 25 years old with a stable job and stable home.
You are 47 with nothing to your name except some **** and a broke down apartment you get free from the government.
I am 25 with my **** together- paying my own bills- working for a living.
You are 47 taking pain pills as if your life depended on them.

I hear a lot of people telling me to forgive you, but I am just now coming to terms with how messed up I am.
I hear people telling me " that's your mom" but I am just now realizing the extent of my mental problem you have left me with.

All I have to say is thank the world for my father and stepmom and grandmother-- the only family I ever needed no thanks to you.

✧
Everyone says that *Diamonds are a girls best friend
Everyone says that jewelery are a girls best friend
Everyone says that make up is a girls best friend
✧
but they do not know the truth
i do not think they understand
✧
if she could she would be a shadow
which no one can see
away from society
✧
in the night she stays awake
because he is cold and unforgiving
✧
I don't think you understand
she'll never walk away
because she has no where to go
she is alone in this world so cold
✧
she puts up a mask to not answer the hurting questions
so she can go further on the hurting road full of diamonds
✧
if she had the choice between life and death
she would choose death
because she can't stand the pain anymore
the pain of diamonds cutting through her skin
*✧