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s Nov 22
the chill has set in
i start to feel lonely
like i did back then
but what im missing?
it’s different.
i don’t miss you.
i miss a past self-
someone you never knew
ive come to terms that love
can be riddled with abuse
i no longer miss such darkness

Russell, i refuse
s Jul 2019
ur lies breed like bacteria
i’m not fixated on what’s real anymore
i know i can’t get that from u
i go motion to motion
don’t wanna feed into ur massacre
i’m impartial
but still afflicted
guess loves contagious
silent killer
you must think i’m stupid at this point. don’t you see how it all adds up? as u started liking her posts randomly then lying about what you were doing and hanging out with her as she sat there twirling her hair at you while you were running your hands through yours. i don’t ******* say this **** but i think about it every day.& then finding that you wrote she would help you with studying for your final in your planner, then finding an index with her “practicing her handwriting” all over it in your folder? then you continuing to talk to her behind my back when we became long distance? you truly think i’m dumb and i just go along with it at this point. i don’t care the way i used to anymore. i feel nothing. and i’m writing this here because i’ll never have the ***** to admit it to you and guess what you’ll never ******* read it here, i already know it. i don’t ******* care the way i used to. and i don’t feel the same anymore. and it’s the ******* truth.
s Jun 2019
**** im
putting you through hell
refusing to see the human in you
refusing to believe anything at all

yet you’re strength
i mean: you are strength
you compensate
for my lack thereof

ive crashed into you for 3 years now
a recurring tidal wave
fell for your addict eyes long ago
love the clean ones just the same

you are my memories
you’re everything in me
you’re the courage i’ve found recently
  i don’t give you enough credit.
i only want one person to read this & i hope you do
s Jun 2019
let’s watch history repeat itself
we know the song and dance by now
i’ll push you away with contorted hands
let the delusions block me out

i’m never satisfied, it’s the ******* truth
addicted to attention, obsessed with you
but my expectations are always too **** high
& it’s impossible to see me through

love’s nothin but a pathetic joke
built to erode
what did i try to preserve
even roses decompose

i’m in pain
just a silhouette lately
yea i’m listening to elliott smith
what did you ******* expect
Yea I wrote something for the first time in months and it’s **** what about it
s Nov 2018
here i am
attempting to love dead;
mourning past life
life before your words lacerated
my throat like a sharp knife
before you claimed
to love the girl behind
these crazy eyes
before i was confined
to a bed of nails and broken lies

i have no choice anymore
your love is but a show and
i beg for the encore
there was so much left
for our brains to explore
but trust has been shattered
and our hearts are at war
**** that
s Nov 2018
don’t even know
what i want anymore,
writing poems in your notebook
on my apartment floor
opened my soul to you
like i've never done before
you roamed its empty hallways
then you slammed the front door

and now you beg me to let you back in
does your love ever end or begin?
i don't want to be stuck
on what could’ve been
but i'm exhausted
from repenting for every sin

ran outta ways
to numb my pain
when you're gone from my life
i smell your scent in the rain
all i wanted was my freedom
but you're a ball and chain
all i wanted was pure love
but this one's driving me insane
s Nov 2018
my violent ideations
quell at the presence of
you only

as you lean in for a kiss
i find myself again
in some analeptic bliss

my mind is subdued by
only you

but you stepped out from
my dreams and now
you haunt reality

and this love is just an addiction
that i can't help but feed.
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