i feel like i’m made of glass
and last february,
you broke me.
i shattered.

you didn’t know
and you didn’t care
and you just. kept. pushing.

i broke into a million jagged pieces
and you
you took some of them with you.
i can’t get them back
and i’m not stupid enough to try.

you shattered me
and i was careless enough
to cut myself in the wreckage.

nothing was the same.

you broke me when i said no
and i thought
maybe
i could put myself back together
by saying yes--
again, and again, and again.
to strangers.
to friends.
to anyone who would listen,
and now all of my bridges are in flames
and i’m getting burned.

do you know what happens to burning glass?
i do.
it’s happening to me

and i’m starting to fly away in the wind,
slipping through my own fingers
like sand on the beach.
scattered so far
and so wide
that finding my way back together is like searching
for a single grain
on the ocean floor.

i'm drowning in my past
searching
for a lifeline
reaching for anything--
for anyone--
that will take me
that will tape me back together

A smile replaced with a frown
A laughter replaced with tears
A happy thought replaced with a sad one

The day that my birth is celebrated
Is the day that I worry
It's the day that I never thought would come

16 years alive
5 years of battling my own mind

My body stands here
scarred
damaged
struggling
..
but still functioning

5 years down, many more to come
Cheers to me and cheers to you all
Happy Birthday to me

Hands have too many privileges,
two too many with
five fingers to physically feel.
When the smaller head thinks it needs to be
bathed clothed and fed,
men’s hands will grab the sexiest *****
within their first opportunity.
I was walking with my man,
years ago I was nineteen in college.
We were in a public galleria,
he let go of my hand we were holding hands
side by side.
Before I knew it,
he did it again.
He stood in front of me,
had the most aggressive expression,
and with his hands he squeezed my *******
about ten times and said,
“******* ******* ******* ******* *******!”
I was startled and shocked out of my mind.
We were in public!
Did he not care about who was around us?
How could he disrespect my body?
How could he be so cruel and greedy?
Careless and childish?
Those ***** were mine and still are!
They are nobody else’s!
Today,
I am 23.
I let my eyes naturally look, stare,
and I don’t always know if I blush or smile.
Nobody is allowed to love me
in a romantic way.
Nobody is ever to by “my” man.
I support any man who is attracted to me or interested,
but he cannot have me.
I am naïve, adorable, and apparently beautiful.
Is it my eyes they will see that make me stand as
confident, sharp, and as if I am aware I own myself?
Or are my ***** so big, beautiful, and *****,
that is all anyone has and will ever want from me?
It is my body.
Nobody is allowed to love me.
No,
I will not have dinner with you.
No,
I will not go to the movies with you.
No,
I will not walk in the park with you.
No,
I will not fornicate with you.
I prefer my loneliness as well as my social life.
I don’t need a man ever again.
Nobody is allowed to love me or
feel my body.
Too bad whenever I hug someone
my ******* are in the way.
I love them dear,
I will never love a man ever again.
Who knows what he is really thinking.
Is it his brain?
Or the other
head.
A girl will never know the truth behind a man’s intentions
until she all of a sudden feels a hand
on her body
in the wrong
place.

You draw me in with false promises, and forever let me down
You promise escape & happiness, but it just ends in a frown
Not from me of course, as I’m laid here snoozing
A constant disappointment I feel, so I carry on the boozing.

What am I running from? Anesthetised I lay
And coast through each and every hour, of the following day.
Your everywhere I look! Buses, billboards, even litter
Trying to draw us in with your intoxicating glitter.

Your so ****** acceptable, I’m a FREAK if I abstain
“Oh goo on kid, one waint hurt, stop being a chuffin pain”
BUT what they fail to understand, is at 1 it does not stop!
The moment that sip will pass my lips, I’m craving the next drop.
Or 2 or 3 or “**** this ****, I’m off to the bottle shop”
In fear my stash will not suffice my seeming desire to flop.

Fast forward half an hour, and here I am again
Snoring like a pig, much to the families disdain
Iphone started, camera rolling, my daughter hits record
She watches Daddy comatosed, her memory stamped APPALLED!

“No goodnight kiss, no cuddles tight, no tickles once again”
Her hero lays before her, vest adorned with red wine stains
“What’s wrong with me?” she wonders “why’s he chose wine over me?
And my sis & mummy too, is he too blind to see?
Your consuming liquid memory thief, don’t forget us dad
Im learning all I know from you, is this how fun is had?
Or adult relaxation? Or when you’re feeling stressed!
Does drinking really do all this? WOW IT SOUNDS THE BEST!
But if it really is this good, then what you fail to see….
Is your family stood before you whilst you pass out on the settee!