Extroverted efforts
To reveal the deepest thoughts
In our minds
Are not enough
Our endorsements
Are not always in their favor
Some gestures are silent
Picked up by the subliminal

Moving from apartment to apartment,
looking for a place to call home after the divorce.
Kept away from our own father by a relentless mother.
No visits. No phone calls.
He loved my sister and I with all his heart
and when months passed by and he still hadn't seen or heard from his girls, he brought Hell to mom's door step.
Pounding and yelling,
demanding to just see his daughters,
mom picked up the phone and called the law to remove him.
The only way dad could tell us he loved us
was through a cardboard sign he put up on the side of the road
so when we would ride the bus to school in the morning,
we would see it.
The moment I saw the sign, I knew it was from him.
His messy, all caps script wrote,

I LOVE YOU GIRLS.
- DAD

And I remember pressing my face to the bus window
to get a good look at it.
And I remember how my chest swelled with happiness.
Dad had to let us know he loved us.
And if that was through a makeshift sign on the side of the road,
so be it.

Do not follow skewed signs,
logic leads
home.
-
Somber skies ******
desolate drives.
Surrender to sunset.
Tonight time is
infinite.
Lone hills roll
endlessly.
Sold
souls in exchange
for open
roads.
-
"MAINTENANCE REQUIRED"
Stop,
for nothing.

22
my silent friend
22
I let you in
more certain than my shadow
wherever I go you follow
even when I feel empty
aching
hollow
I know one thing for certain
in this life I may be hurting
my suffering is worth it
pain so bittersweet
a fate I cannot wait to meet
significant meaning in ordinary beings
the larger picture we simply aren't perceiving
the faintest brush stoke has infinite meaning
so I retrace the lines
trying to find
the creator of this grand design
are we of such simple minds
that we would try to define the beginning of time
come to find out
we've been ignoring all signs
underneath deception lies
the youth are preaching you don't hear our cries
too focused on the highs instead of the why's
turned to my inner eye
committed mental homicide what felt like a thousand times
came to a compromise
I hypothesize They monopolize our psyche
powers that be remain unseen
blame it on the fluoride
but ****
that's just me
getting off-key
this faith thing is new you see
used to feel like I was lost at sea
and I must admit
sometimes it still feels that way
not totally there
blending into shades of grey
f a ding away
you showed me better days lie beyond the haze
I have to push through
I don't do it for me
I do it for you
sincerely
truly
22

capricorn: how often do you love for a second and then forget, how many times have you loved so deeply you've thought it might be to the grave
aquarius: can you listen to their favorite genre of music without breaking down yet
pisces: how many times have your fingers ached and you've felt like it was because of the months you've gone without holding his hand
aries: how many lovers bedrooms have you occupied, how many times have you wanted three words to occupy your bones and make you feel warm
taurus: have you learned not to fall in love yet
gemini: how often do you try to pretend she never happened
cancer: how many times have you sat outside with a bottle of liquor typing in her phone number that you deleted before you started drinking
leo: have you forgotten the way he smiles yet or is that saved in your phone still along with all the text messages you two have ever sent
virgo: how many times have you sat in someone else's car and reached for her hand before realizing she's not driving
libra: have you been able to say out loud that she doesn't love you anymore and not end it with a choking sob
scorpio: how many times have you woken up at 3am and felt around your bed praying to a god you don't believe in that she would be there
sagittarius**: do you still hear him in the middle of the night when everything is quiet and you're breaking