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silas Apr 15
people have always said
the world you see
is the world you know

i see
my hands,
clouds of gray
made of ragged static edges

i see
the horizon,
a mosaic
dripping with vibrant reds and oranges

i see
the world,
crumbling
disintegrating into dust

heavy breaths and quivering hands,
i want to shut out the world.
140419
silas Apr 15
him
a heart so full, so vibrant
it takes the breath away before it ever reaches my lips

arms so wide, so warm
i feel like a caterpillar wrapped in its cocoon

a mind so beautiful, so bright
i wonder if he is made of the stars

every single day
i can’t help but think
i am so lucky
to be able to love you.


it has taken me months
but i have finally realised;
he is the garden
and i am just a bee
can you believe i'm in love again?
140419
silas Sep 2018
just the thought of you feeling alone in this world
keeps me up at night
you say
you fear you will never find someone like you
and although you and i
are not the same
i will be here to listen to you
and grip your hands tightly through this storm
that never seems to end

i want to hear your thoughts
and all of your joys and desires
what you hate and fear in this world
what evokes envy or anger
i want to have a piece of your heart in my hands

and you
are a beautifully perfect individual
einstein would envy your knowledge
and aphrodite would envy your beauty

but i can never find the right words

loving you is exhilarating
and everytime you speak you leave me breathless
and wanting to hear more

there are few people who make the sun shine
so gloriously in the sky
as if it were just for me

i hope you stay in my life forever.
for he who shall not be named
written 30 april, 2018
published 18 sept, 2018
silas Sep 2018
you can run
and hide
from every ray of the sun
that greets the trees from the horizon

you can scream
in the night
and disturb the sleep of the birds
who awaken early to sing their songs

you can play the cards
and turn the tables of ‘victim’
any way you like
to match your game

and you can blame me
for every tear you’ve cried
or every time your fist has clenched
out of spite

but the truth is
you
are the reason
you’re unhappy.
for christoffer, who is a whiny *** *****
written 29 april, 2018
published 18 sept, 2018
silas Apr 2018
i'm sorry
that i don't fit
your definition of male.

i'm sorry
i don't have testosterone
running rampant in my veins
i'm sorry
i don't have a bulge
like the mound on a hill
i'm sorry
i don't have a flat chest
acceptable enough to expose in the summer

i'm sorry
you can't begin to understand my heart
before judging my body.
i'm sorry
you were raised to define a man
by what's in his pants.
i'm sorry
you would rather spend your life
invalidating me
and so many others
than open the doors
that beg for a chance

but i
am just as much of a man
as the next guy.
to empower trans people all over the world.
silas Sep 2017
fire engulfing the combustibles
the soft flickering of red and orange sparks
gentle, but powerful
the smell of charred oak filling my nose
a wave of light, one after the other
lingering warmth on my skin
as if i could ever replicate
what it felt like to be beside you

fire provides us warmth, light,
perhaps a vague sense of security in the hardest nights
but come too close,
and the fire
will burn
you.
written 16 jan 2017
published 13 sept 2017
silas Nov 2016
these days,
i feel i have become unlovable
they come and go and wouldn't even spit at my feet
they throw me away like a once-bitten apple
once they see a shinier, crisper one
on a branch only a little higher than where i hung

i feel i am a ghost
often it seems like i can never find a place to call "home"
especially not in my own body

i feel i am filled with fiery unrest
i will never watch the sun set peacefully
i will never "leave it be"

i feel i will never be happy
especially not where i am now
written on the 2nd of august, 2016
published on the 21st of november, 2016

digging through my old writing
silas Jan 2017
you have such a gift
to entice people with your words
and bestow upon them an aching sense of hope
was i foolish to have hoped to love you?
this is from..... forever ago.....
silas Aug 2016
"i love you" should not be a phrase
thrown around by insincere folk
to describe fake feeling,
to justify an ill-thought decision,
or as a bandage for every problem

when did "i love you" lose its purpose,
its innocence?

i wish "i love you" meant a beginning
i wish it could be independent of artificiality
i wish it still represented a sacred bond between open hearts
so unlike it does these days

i can only dream of hearing someone say it
with passion, with sweetness, with authenticity
as if someone like that even exists
published on the 1st of august, 2016

i'm getting really **** tired of hearing meaningless "i love you"s from people who couldn't care less for me
silas Aug 2016
in theory,
summer vacation seems like the perfect getaway
especially while i'm suffering through my classes in school
so seemingly serene, a needed moment of rest
like i could escape every problem in my life
if i could just hold the hands of summer

in reality,
it just reminds me of my loneliness
the heat beating me down into oblivion
leading me to thoughts i wouldn't have time for in school
my future, a muddy *****
my love life, a trainwreck stuck on loop
my friends, a distant memory, a fright of ghosts

the only thing i've learned this summer is
"be careful what you wish for"
written on the 18th of june, 2016
published on the 1st of august, 2016

college starts on the 10th of august and i'm so not ready
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