just the thought of you feeling alone in this world keeps me up at night you say you fear you will never find someone like you and although you and i are not the same i will be here to listen to you and grip your hands tightly through this storm that never seems to end
i want to hear your thoughts and all of your joys and desires what you hate and fear in this world what evokes envy or anger i want to have a piece of your heart in my hands
and you are a beautifully perfect individual einstein would envy your knowledge and aphrodite would envy your beauty
but i can never find the right words
loving you is exhilarating and everytime you speak you leave me breathless and wanting to hear more
there are few people who make the sun shine so gloriously in the sky as if it were just for me
i hope you stay in my life forever.
for he who shall not be named written 30 april, 2018 published 18 sept, 2018
i'm sorry that i don't fit your definition of male.
i'm sorry i don't have testosterone running rampant in my veins i'm sorry i don't have a bulge like the mound on a hill i'm sorry i don't have a flat chest acceptable enough to expose in the summer
i'm sorry you can't begin to understand my heart before judging my body. i'm sorry you were raised to define a man by what's in his pants. i'm sorry you would rather spend your life invalidating me and so many others than open the doors that beg for a chance
fire engulfing the combustibles the soft flickering of red and orange sparks gentle, but powerful the smell of charred oak filling my nose a wave of light, one after the other lingering warmth on my skin as if i could ever replicate what it felt like to be beside you
fire provides us warmth, light, perhaps a vague sense of security in the hardest nights but come too close, and the fire will burn you.
these days, i feel i have become unlovable they come and go and wouldn't even spit at my feet they throw me away like a once-bitten apple once they see a shinier, crisper one on a branch only a little higher than where i hung
i feel i am a ghost often it seems like i can never find a place to call "home" especially not in my own body
i feel i am filled with fiery unrest i will never watch the sun set peacefully i will never "leave it be"
i feel i will never be happy especially not where i am now
written on the 2nd of august, 2016 published on the 21st of november, 2016
in theory, summer vacation seems like the perfect getaway especially while i'm suffering through my classes in school so seemingly serene, a needed moment of rest like i could escape every problem in my life if i could just hold the hands of summer
in reality, it just reminds me of my loneliness the heat beating me down into oblivion leading me to thoughts i wouldn't have time for in school my future, a muddy ***** my love life, a trainwreck stuck on loop my friends, a distant memory, a fright of ghosts
the only thing i've learned this summer is "be careful what you wish for"
written on the 18th of june, 2016 published on the 1st of august, 2016
college starts on the 10th of august and i'm so not ready