She wished to paint with watercolors
because they bled all over the paper
Like her emotions bled all out of her wrists
but never out of her mouth

She wished there was a way to be beautiful
and still tell the truth of her messy, wild life

She was reaching for her razor blade
When the watercolors called to her
There is a better way
There is an easier way than this, they whispered
She wanted to believe it
but didn't know if it was worth the risk
didn't want to look weak

There was no pain involved in this new way
Only beauty bleeding from her heart
Instead of her skin
Was it worth it?
to leave paint stains rather than scars on her arms

The vibrations shake,
as my eyes awake,

 and realize,
 as I visualize;

The cages bolted up
around me, minds corrupt

 with lies of the honey,
lathered on this dummy.

the scars cling on,
Reminders thereupon

enlighten the subconscious,
 as I live among the conscious.

The last breath is taken,
As from this trance I awaken.

You used to kiss my scars, used to cherish my broken pieces.

You promised to always be there.. to always listen.

Somehow it's changing..

"Honey" is now replaced by my name.

Your voice sounds cold on the phone, "low battery" you said.

I can't deny it, my gut is screaming.

I am losing him.

Left alone,
the way he said my name still echoes in my head.

When did your promises turn fake?

You didn’t know me,
You didn’t know the scars buried under my skin,
You didn’t know the darkness trapped within.
You didn’t know the pain I hid all too well.
You didn’t know me.

And knowing that you didn’t know,
You still plunged deep into my soul,
Searching for a light I’d lost
/On the way to my own sweet hellhole.  

And slowly
Painfully slow,
You led me out of this cage
Helped me fight my demons,
Never letting go.

I love it when you smile and your lips tremble.
I love it when you fumble when you’re nervous.
I love it when you play with my hair.
I love it when you say my name like a prayer.

We’re gonna write our story
A tale as old as time
We’re gonna make new memories
One line at a time
And when we grow old and weary
We’ll look into each other’s eyes
As we watch our legacy
Pass on with a smile.

I love how my head fits perfectly on your chest.
I love how you kiss my forehead.
I love how your heart beats as fast as mine.
I love how you whisper in my ear, “you’re mine”.

It was us against the world some dark nights,
but you were hiding messed up secrets!
You took my breathe away, stole my light;
Made me feel like I was crazy for the longest while.
They say I got out just in time,
But honestly I'm not sure if they were right
because the scars have been embedded way too deep,
Now I don't know if there's much left of me...

If I dodged a bullet
then why am I still hurting?
I know things were a lost cause
so why am I searching for excuses?
If I made a getaway, from all your lies and your abuses
Why do I still feel the pain?
You still haunt me and you shouldn't
If i really dodged your bullet...

Still I think of an old habit, that I had once made to inhabit, it developed quick as a rabbit.
                              With how fast the crimson would flood, with mountain of tissues soaked in blood, as my body is tossed in the mud.
                                       In all honesty I still miss the rush, the gush,
                                                  That silent shush.
        But I'll keep my word,
Though i might be a flightless bird,
    I can still be beautiful even with the scars, is that so absurd?

be gentle with yourself;

your scars tell a story;
of survival;
of bravery;
of a new frontier;

your wounds will heal;
it may take some time;
but those scars are important roadmaps
to your body;

be gentle with yourself