I cant seem to sleep through the night
without feeling like nothing is alright
I dont know whats wrong with me
ive got a million thoughts running all at once
i wish i could just scream
constantly torn between wanting to be a lady
but everything i do just seems to make me look crazy
maybe there is something wrong me
a chemical imbalance, i just want to make it out to saftey
what if i cant save me from myself
not that i dont want to ask for help
every where i turn my mental state just repels
i want to be okay
it effects all my relationships so most leave me at bay
i dont want to scare anyone away
all i want is for someone to stay
i guess misery really does love company
nobody seems to mind when i share love drunkenly
i wish i was always easy going
but my crazy side just keeps on showing..

This feeling of listlessness, makes me want to sink my nails into my skin and claw it off.

It makes me want to rip my hair from its roots.

I need to get out,
I need my skeleton to split the seams of this flesh
and I need it to run.
I need to run.

i make love to the ocean
in the morning sailors watch me cuddling with the waves
so noisy, we palpitate the massive rises and downs,
travel thousand miles till we reach the distant inland.

we find no clue where we belong.

i kiss the sunlight
in the twilight we beguile in silence
exploring the ocean of nakedness;
the pale pain and long-lost sorrow
as the choir of seagulls dancing upwards.

we forget how we become afar.

i greet the limitless darkness
with a pair of eyes half-closed,
and a restless soul that longs for home.
so we unite, the sea and I
as nothing matches the golden slumber.

and we become one.

It seems like a thing of the past
A dream far gone
Eyes closed with nothing to come
Smell of vanilla floats
Eyes still closed
But the dream wont come
Restless turns
Eyes open
Vanilla gone
Now there's red
But no rest

I'm so tired and warn out
Everyday is just draining
I don't sleep anymore
I sit alone restless
All I wanna do is sleep

i walk around my kitchen
at half past one in the morning
sipping on water in silence
as my parents are sound asleep.
why am i not sleeping, too?
i’m restless,
i can’t bring myself to settle down.
maybe i’m anticipating your call,
which will never come
or your knock at my door,
which will never happen,
and yet i keep myself awake
hoping you will be the first to say
i’m sorry

I feel like I'm trapped
In time and space
But you are not
On my continuum

I search each hall
Only to find pictures
Hung of you
With no after

I'm miserable and
Complacent
There's only one thing
I could think of

Play you just say
Play
And I will

Dream you just say
Dream
And I will

Forever you just
Say forever

And I scream
STAY just
Stay

We sit in this room
across from one another
in silence

I try to look at everything
but you

I feel your eyes on me

I feel them roaming
as if your hands are on my body

how is that even possible

it's as if you're right beside me
grazing your fingers where they please

Your lips following their trail

lingering here and there
exploring every dip and hollow

The room feels so tight
this tension is something I can't explain
this silence so deep

I feel so restless
I want to burn something
break something
move

I chance a glance
and our eyes collide

****

what is this feeling
how can something feel so hot

I try to look away
but I'm frozen

I wait
But your eyes are still on mine

A silent challenge

You get up and leave the room

...

And I follow