They tell me that one day someone will come into my life and make everything feel right again,
but how can they? I've always longed for things I can't have, people that don't return.
I have never felt the sublimity of anyone's presence like I did with yours, nevertheless, I pushed you away.
I always do this, when I finally find something good worth keeping, the fear of losing it makes me subconsciously push it away.
I let everything get the best of me, not realizing what I'm worth, I never keep what I deserve.
I am brimming with secrecy inside of me, your presence still lingers within me.
The truth was never meant to be seen, only touched and left for eternity to disintegrate.
Even if we were destined to be, I think it's only imaginary.

It sure is such a rarity
To have any kind of clarity
In this pall we’re covered with - no verity
Grey is not lit with any prosperity
Only shroud covered lands all in a form of familiarity
Knowing what is covered, but cannot see it’s true identity
Shadows cast through the day of skies so cloudy
A wet mist reminds - there is no remedy
Sunshine does not peek or wink through an atmosphere so gloomy
Dark grey grows over the land walked by one in singularity
Unfortunately, having clarity is such a rarity, a sad insincerity..

inhale

be aware
of what is on your mind
all the worries
all the hate
know them
feel them
steering every movement
spinning your thoughts
into oblivion
so that you can't remember
the you you once were
now stop

exhale

I get mad at you and it feels like storms brewing inside me
But you are not the cause
Merely an attempt at a sweet remedy
Sit still and wonder.
Know that I miss you and I’m not sure how
Or what to do with these emotions see I haven’t felt
Anything
In quite a while and this, well this is a tsunami when I’d hoped to start with just a
Wave.
Of clarity the storm clouds I wished would clear became stronger because now
Now
I can feel but it means I can feel sadness and regret and hurt and anxiety and missing you.
A lot stronger than
Before.
Know that I love you and what is more than that is that  
I feel that too now.
You make me feel alive but being alive does not just mean happy please
Please
Try and understand the madness and if you cannot please
Try and accept it.
For I want nothing more than to love you with this fire in my belly rather than be angry
Mad
Hurt at words you aren’t saying
Keep me at bay.
Keep me still.
Keep me calm.
You are my remedy
And being away is giving my time to think and see how ******* blessed I am and then
Then
I get mad and how
How can I treat this one this special one like he
Should know me when it’s been months
Of course he doesn’t.
At least he wants to learn.
Learn me each and every crevice in my mind every little loop of despair
And I wonder to myself now;
If I asked him what colour I loved
Would he know the answer?
Being away from you is hard when service means a shoddy good morning text at noon; a photo is a “look where I am today” and a call comes from the ****** phone box that takes my golden coins
But ******* I need your voice more than wealth so
I
Miss
You
And I don’t know how to comprehend it but my instinct is to push you as far away as I can stomach
So I can stop missing you
Quite so much.
So believe me when I say misplaced emotion betrays me and I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m trying  
I love you.
More than you know.

Congratulations, nihilist poet!
Last twenty years of your silly life-span.
But I see no anxiety or any regret
And you are satisfied as much as you can.

You were too weary to endure this long
Having an empty soul deprived of love
It led you just to where at heart you belong -
higher than death or life - her spirit above

You loved her more than life, in perpetuity,
You believed her laughter more than verses.
The life was manifested in her beauty
Much more distinctly than divine sources

You will not better by writing, poet!
Hear your inner voice you try to deter.
You know your remedy and where to get,
Defeat your all fears and run to her!