I'm the burden
of your day.
I'm the thought,
which takes your smile away.
I am just
a problem.

I have a problem and I don't know how to tell you.
I wanted to say it in person.
But I couldn't find the words.
So I'll put it here.

I can't ask for help.
I'll be in so much pain that I can barely breathe,
But I can't do it.

I'll have a trouble with a math problem,
But I can't ask you.

I will be curled up on the floor sobbing,
But I'll tell you I'm fine.

It's happening right now.
I have a headache.
But will I ask for a pill?
Nope.

I don't know what to do.
I know it's bad but.
I just can't.
Sorry.

We consume big and create little,
we like neat things instead of the mess.
Wake up in the middle of our lives to find
we only thought to buy more and pay less.

Attention to the price tag—Need
the hottest J's, the nicest bags.
Stupidly married to the common cents,  
we divorce from time and meaning spent.

With our friends and families, we are short.
Our support is digital. Our talk is report.
We don’t bother to calculate what they add;
high bandwidth and credit subtract the sad.

Truth is no longer requested offline;
we readily settle with others’ designs.
Two-Day shipping makes us smile,
for happiness we wait no while.

Dont dance with me my sweet heart
Liqour pulses in my veins
Dont dance with me my sweetheart
Youll find the steps a pain
Ive cradled my waltz.
Into a foxtrot filled with faults
And lined up my dancing soldiers.
To march  like lightning bolts
I tuned every broken instrement
And muddied the clean floor.
Now i skip through mine feilds.
Never fear about the gore,
The path i dance is a riddle itself
One that can be answered by nobody else
I find the longer i dance to my solem tune
The longer i despise myself

I love you for who you are.

I love the way you fight for what you believe is right.
I love the way you can't hide your emotions.
I love the way you bounce on your toes when you get excited.
I love the twinkle in your eyes when you get happy.

Why do you love me?

"Look at all you've done for me."
"You treat me like a queen."
"You've changed so much just for me."
"You helped me in my bad times."

I did things for you. You love me for what i did. You changed who i was. You didn't love me for who i was. You loved me for who i could be. For who i am.

What have you done? You don't help in my dark times. You made me quit talking to everyone who did. You made me loose all my friends. You made me feel useless.

You love me because you can use me.

Why do i love you?

I can remember this moment just as clearly as if it happened an hour ago. there was this one night you texted me, long after you said you'd gone to sleep, and told me you couldn't stop thinking about me. It was early in our relationship, so it made sense, honeymoon phase and whatever. But it still makes me smile so much because it was brilliant, unromantic you staying up into the wee hours of the night thinking of crazy, turbulent me. It was ever so poignant considering how much I disliked myself then and how much I adored you.

You started messaging me with song links and lyrics, clumsily trying to explain why certain lyrics totally fit how you felt about me and only those parts. It was adorable and even now I can close my eyes and picture myself curled up and so in love with this clutzy expression of affection.

The song you kept on talking about, half drunk with exhaustion, was a song called "Always". You quirkily were insisting to ignore the parts of the songs that were negative, and just focus on the parts that talked about always thinking of me and having trouble living without me, or something. It was so late at night and so silly and so incoherent, but I can feel it. I can feel it in my bones, my blunt boyfriend getting all mushy about me.

I know we have some problems right now. I need to stop erupting and blaming my issues on you. You need to stop threatening the end of our relationship when I upset you. I need to give more focus on to bettering our relationship and myself for it. You need to open up again.

But when I can close my eyes and remember the guy who cried over the first poem of mine he read, or the one who couldn't handle seeing me so hurt when you first learned about it, and the one who's so brilliant, who's so determined, and strong, and you, I can't fathom letting that go. Letting you go.

Recently in one of my classes my teacher talked about the mystery of why writers, who sometimes don't like people very much, still talk to a lot of people. I know why I do. People fascinate me, how they think, how they act. And I think I love learning how you think the most. It fascinates me. It may not be my way, and it may not be what I think is best sometimes, but its mesmerizing watching you be you. Watching you do the things you do. Not only do you supplement my emotion-driven, wild, writing ways, but you always inspire them. You inspire me. I never feel a need to be you, but I always feel a need to be better for you, for us, and for me. I always feel a need to grow. Maybe sometimes it kicks my *** when I need to take a breath, but in the end?

I'm going places. I hope to always go places with you.

I know going back doesn't work. I know I don't exactly want me back then either. But I know with you I have moments with you, with me, with US, that always just make me stop, take a breath, and smile with how wonderful to me they look.

You're wonderful, dear. Not perfect, I will kick your cute *** before you start going there, but just right. Just what I need.

I don't really know where I'm going anymore. I just love you. I think I always will.

Always.

Never knew that word would ever make me smile instead of curl up in fear. Well, I guess that's where I'm at, love. Even when its hard. Even when I need you to alter things a bit. Even when you're frustrated with me because I'm not where you want me to be. I may not like you that second, but of course I'll still love you.

I always will.

i am sick of the box i am in
i don't want to be here
i didn't put myself here

that was other peoples doing
not mine

i shouldn't be known as the quiet one
i'm not

don't say i'm perfect and could do no wrong
that is far from the truth

i don't want you to tell me i'm shy
i haven't been for a while

stop putting me in places i don't fit
i should decide who i am

i don't need a box
i can figure out who i am
without you

Today I realized
Why we never worked.

The problem was, you were
The only good thing in my life.

When the rest of my life was in shambles,
You were the only good I found everyday.

You took advantage of that.
Because I gave you my all.

But your life, your life was good;
I was just an extra piece of the puzzle.

When you realized that I didn't fit;
You just passed me off because I wasn't
Necessary.

The problem was my life.
I thought you were my life, because I needed
You to be my life.

Too much was going wrong.
Too much was ****** up.
But you were perfect
To me.

The problem was always me.
Me; and my horrible life.

If we were all brutally honest
From the start
Perhaps we wouldn't feel the need
To lie or hide or sugar coat
For perhaps we would
Be kinder and less sensitive
And remember we're all the same,
Condemned by human nature,
And then maybe it would be okay
To tell someone that this annoys them,
Makes them anxious or stressed,
That they are deeply in love with them
Or that their feelings changed;
If we all just said it all
Right from the beginning
It wouldn't be so foreign,
And then maybe there would be no secrets
And then there would be no regret,
Then we could all move on faster
And forgive much easier,
For we'd know to understand.

But human kind is not beginning,
We are perhaps in the end of the middle
And we are already sunk too deep
In the dependency of lies so
That the truth can never be understood
And is seen not as a solution
But as a problem;
We are too far from the start,
Where we keep secret our feelings
Of passion, hurt, and anger,
What could be action
Is replaced by what we glorify as hope;
However, hope is just a lie in itself
That somebody else's secrets lie in our favor.