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Brigette Beck Feb 2017
Happiness was once mine
When I was forever young
The world was at my fingertips
Its miseries yet unsung.

As reality crushed me
And my happiness slipped away
I fell out of faith
My anger led me astray.

And so I turned to blazing screens
A new world within the one I'd known
Self-loathing poured from its depths
Crying, “You have always been alone.”

And then I turned to poetry
It was my sole source of light
It quelled my fears and gave me a way out.
I gained the upper hand in my fight.

Then he entered my life
And I thought my happiness was secure
The one I knew I would spend eternity with
Of this I was completely sure.

But then I turned to blood

I dragged the blade across my skin
Just like he had done, those broken promises
Our silent scarlet sin

All those hopes and visions I’d had
Slipped away with my blood
But I was staying strong for him
In my eyes, holding back this horrid flood.

I wish for the happiness of my youth
And the happiness of being real
But in the end, life only gives you hell.
This blood,this poetry
Is all you you'll ever feel.
Brigette Beck Feb 2017
I can't lose you
though I almost did so many times
in my journey of loving you
I found myself in you
and strength to protect the ones that matter
I learned to reignite the flame
so I'll stay up with you all night
now that I know how to save a life
just pray to God he hears you
Brigette Beck Jan 2017
To you, the partner of my heart and mind:
I know you're broken far beyond repair
You don't have faith in the life you've designed
And you've lost all hope, fallen in despair.
I understand you more than you admit
I've seen some of the deepest parts of you.
Your light is playing games, its glow outwits
And plays, and it’s the reason you withdrew.
It's always there, it was there from the start
I can see it now, shining bright as day.
If you could only see what's in your heart
Then you would know why I will always stay.
I love you, every flaw and every scar.
And I believe in you and all you are.
Brigette Beck Oct 2016
Words run through my veins
         Freed by the cold sting of a pen.
     Flowing over my arm in stanzas and rhymes,
                 I relish the feeling
                          Of poetry running under the pen.
      So many times I cut the words free
  Until I have a song
               Falling in crimson drops from my body,
And I can again contain the words
                                       I hold in my blood.
     But my body replenishes the words,
                               And I must again free them.
        The pen cuts through my veins
                     Spilling the sonnets and the ballads,
And I do this again and again,
                   Until just once the pen goes too deep.       The words flow too swiftly to make a poem
   And I lose the would-be poems that made me.
                     I release the poetry in my veins,             And as they desperately try to revive me,
                                        I slowly fade out.

       My words were my strength
                                          and my downfall.
Brigette Beck Sep 2016
and fire
and rain.
Through closed eyes
I see all.
Falling through darkness
Into the abyss
Falling headfirst
An eternity of waiting
And falling.
Through the very threads of time
I fall
Watching the hours tick by
And the seasons rewind
And the horrors of the past reopen.
With eyes closed
I fall through darkness.
Opening them,
The fire,
the wind
the rain
is gone.
Only the heart is left
And bright.
I shatter the heart.
Brigette Beck Aug 2016
I've stopped the writing,
this method of fighting.
The things that kept it at bay
Have all turned to gray.
Thoughts reign over my head,
Things that I never would've said.
Death lurks in the corners of my mind,
I thought I'd left this behind.
But no, I've descended again
Into this chaos, misery and pain.
The ones I love have come with me.
I brought them down when they were free.
Now, my love, you deserve far more.
I'm weak, the very thing against which I swore.
Weak, crumbling, and broken,
My love, the depth of my pain is unspoken.
So I will do as you do
And as much as I hate to,
I will find serenity in this bittersweet hell.
Of this pain I will never tell.
So in the end,
To you, my love, my best friend,
And to the part of myself that I lost,
*I'm sorry
  Jul 2016 Brigette Beck
Ruth Cardenas
I admit I have a problem
I am blind to many things
I dont see myself as beautiful
Im ashamed of being me

As I look at my reflection
I point out every flaw
Wishing I would love myself
But loving me feels wrong
Uncontrollable thoughts.
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