[1] Set of earbuds. Black. Scratched and left to wither away.

[2] Dead pumpkins. Probable COD: baseball bat.

[7] Broken beer bottles. Some white, some amber, some still containing beer that has leeched into the cracks on the concrete.

[26] Acorns. I collected some for Mabon and Samhain. Some were close to shattering but aren't we all?

[85] Honey suckles that looked almost lavender. But they weren't.

[Too many] Different paths to go down.

If you want to see God
Look to the sky
If you want to see his love
Look into your heart
God is everywhere
He is in the wind
Most of all he's inside of you

Sitting down I gaze at smoothed rocks,
Waving seas grass-
The breeze touches my cheek.
But I am not by the water,
And theses rocks and grass aren't of the sea.

They were imported from some plant
Looking to make money off the idea.
Stones nestling metal slats,
Sea grass swaying in the city breeze.

I have been staring at them-
contemplating my own existence.
It's like that of the rocks and grass that line Harke Laboratory
I'm out of place.

The inner child whispers sweet melodies to the soul
Telling the soul to awaken the child drifted back in time
Memories of joyous summer days flying the kites in the wind
Blows a calmness upon the inner child's imagination
The chain of solemnity breaks free from the adolescence conscious
Releasing the inner child
Like a caterpillar transforming in to a butterfly

The room has movement with an inkling of calmness.
Faces speak at each other, the corners of their mouths skewed upward in smiles and laughter.
Everything has serenity in this cage, even the people.
The orange hues drape the room in mists of dusty ray.
Beneath the ground the exposed ceiling casts reflecting light off the wooden beams.

I watch the fluid surface bubble rising through the lava lamp.
The orange light passing through the cylindrical glass reflects the vivid colors of a green and purple ocean ebbing across the wall.
Scan the room my eyes catch those of another.
A single wink sends me free falling through the looking glass.
The space between the beams above writhe with living organs, and I fall backwards into nothingness.

I blackout.
The eyes flutter open and I'm no longer myself.
I'm trapped.
The elongated glass chrysalis envelops everything that I am.
I breathe.
The air rushes into my lungs through segmented tubes strapped to my face.
I'm paralysed.

This godly creature form is who I truly am, I'm all knowing.
The body somewhat twisted and deformed it feeds constant.
Eyes move but they alone, body frozen in fetal.
I watch the show it fills me and I watch myself in the glitch.
The cubic projection slides the landscape under my human feet as I move.  
Each interaction, each step, each emotion transferred from the mind of the beast, my beast, my true self.
My skin is naked stripped of filament, blue and cold but just cold enough to be cool to the touch.
This form is eternal and yearns for stimulation.
The only way it can do this is to temporarily erase its mind and project it into the great simulation of life.  
Both sides are learning both sides are real.
One knows forever, unending in knowledge and that life is meaningless stimulation.
The other searches hopelessly for the meaning of life but ultimately
ends its inconsequential life cycle.
The cycle's knowledge, emotions, experiences transferred into the mind of the creature as an afternoon snack in an endless day.

I blackout.
The eyes snap open, I've returned to the simulation.
I panic.
The room is not what it was before.
I'm alone in my bed, the lights are on.
Objects are wavy and reality realigns itself.
I've been given a glimpse of what lies beyond our realm.
My life has no answer, I will never be great, I am worthless.
Death means nothing, life means nothing.
I'm trapped in here, this earth, I'm trapped out there, the next.
My life amounts to nothing more than the feeling of a scratched itch.
Just one of many collected experiences moulded in the mind of an eternal.

The condensation slowly begins
To eat a hole in
The cotton of my jeans
And I've been through this enough
To know
I'm not alone in it
But I can't help but feel empty.

The dripping grass emits it's gasses
filling the air with the sweet smell of
freedom and October;
The plants releasing their last breath into the world
before the snow comes
and brings death upon us all.

Even in this facade of freedom I feel trapped
Caging myself within the confines of a small
One-bedroom apartment that's supposed to be "home".

The soaking corpses of thriving flowers
and the sweet tickle of chirping crickets
are drowned out by the overwhelming sadness
that's begun to overthrow my lungs,
echoing throughout my limbs as it
sloshes through my eardrums and soaks my shoes

Dear god, why am I still hurting?
It's been 9 years and I still can't escape.
This depression has stolen every last part of me.
Until it's all I have left.

And yes, out here, I feel free
Away from the judgement
Where no one can touch me
Connected with the Earth
Simply observing all that surrounds me.

And of course I can hide from my anxiety
But even feeling the cleanest sand between my feet
And deafening my mind with these crashing waves around me
I can't run from the demons eating at the tatters of my soul
Because they will find a way to lure me back in
To disconnect me from the beauty that surrounds me
Leaving me dying alone on the cold, dark concrete
that lines my broken memories
Bleeding out these sins until I no longer feel empty

I’m on the outside looking in,
Reading the lips of the people inside
Longing to be a part of the conversation.