Of course people will forget thee.
You will be left out.
The last man chosen on team.
You aren't a part of them.
You'll never be.
You don't speak their language.
You don't eat what they eat.
You can't connect at all;
That's how being out of place feels.
Growth happens only at the end of one's comfort zone.
Let the hair fall over your face
Don’t speak, they won’t reply
It feels like you’ve been replaced
Try and let the days pass by
If you were to fall they wouldn’t see
You miss how they used to care
It’s not the way it used to be
A simple smile by now is rare
And in your head there’s only black
So tired of make believe
If you smile, they won’t smile back
Why don’t you just leave?
You’ll never be the way they are
Their level is just too hard
Just try and reach that social bar
And keep your feelings jarred
on feeling alone in crowds and out of place among friends. written when i was 15.
I walk in and three heads turn around
They look me up and they look me back down.
It’s like they’ve never seen a brown girl
On this side of town.
It makes me uncomfortable enough
To want to walk back out that door
But then again I’m in Beverley
And dressed like a bit of a *****.
It seems I’m the only brown girl
Here for another mile
So walking into a pub
Kinda feels like I’m standing on trial.
Their eyes meet mine
But they do not smile
Their looks feel cold
As if they’ve just been told
A dodgy secret about me
And they’re trying to suss out if it’s true.
Even though you hold my hand as we walk through
I feel a distance between me and you.
You tell me that they probably think I’m pretty
But why is it that I suddenly feel ******?
It didn’t look like admiration in their eye
But I brush it off with a sad sigh
I don’t bring it up for the rest of the night
But if looks could bite
These men could’ve given me rabies
But now you’ve rattled me with maybes
‘Cos maybe they want me to have their babies
(Which is a gross enough thought in itself)
But no, I pull my suspicions from the shelf
I can’t deny the wary nature of myself
Because maybe it’s a subtle stealth -
Beer by beer a racist’s inhibitions fall
My brown skin a matchstick
To their flammable racist shawl
I avoid their eyes
But feel their’s burning into my back
I am on edge and ready
Waiting for their attack.
But in the same breath
I am showered with compliments
Some of your friends tell me I’m beautiful
And that they’re glad we’re suitable.
I’m in a pub - I shouldn’t be feeling perpetual doom!
I try to focus but he still stares at me from the bar
He’s at the other end of the room
Yet it doesn’t feel all that far.
People talk to me but I barely hear
What is being said
Because a new question runs
Through my pretty brown head
It clouds my judgment
And leaves my view distorted:
Does he think I'm pretty
Or does he just want me deported?
I'm home again
but it doesn't feel like home anymore
I'm out of place
there are people around me
but I feel alone.
They keep on talking but not with me
I don't know if I pushed them away
or they pushed me.
I don't know whose fault it is.
Is it mine?
Is it yours?
Who should I blame?
Where am I again?
oh.. I'm home.
Out of place
No one understands
Don’t have the nerve
To say anything
About how you feel
When you do
They tend to brush it off
And don’t acknowledge
What you say
You sense you’re annoying
But you have done nothing
For them to say anything
You just feel
Out of place
I'm a domino in a Lego house
And when not a Domino
In a castle of cards
Or a card amongst Jenga bricks
And when not a card
A Jenga brick
In a game of Pick Up Sticks
Or a stick amongst Monopoly hotels
And if not a stick
A red hotel
In a game a Life
And if its a game of Life,
Then I'm falling behind,
And still picking up sticks.
Hard is a life you feel out of place in
You slide into the spaces but there are gaps along the edges
The light of doubt and insecurity shines through
If not here then where?
I'm dramatic okay.