Sometimes I wonder
What my life would be like
If I had never met you.

Not in a spiteful way,
Just out of curiosity.
Would a new name replace
The space
You've reserved between my lips? Or would I still be out there,
Counting time
Between the ticks of my metal detector?

Do you remember the metal detector?

You know,
I always was a treasure hunter.

I don't think I ever told you this but,
Before we met,
I modified it a bit.
I was tired of lugging it around,
So I put it in my heart.
This way,
I had nothing weighing me down.
I used that ****** thing for years.

After a while, though,
I got tired of metal.
I only ever found scraps, anyway.
So I modified it a bit more.  
Honestly,
I barely made it out of that one intact,
But it was worth it.
This time, I was looking for love.

I don't want to run this tangent
Into the ground,
But I guess what I really want to know is

Would my heart ever beat that fast again?

You never touch me.
Why is that?
Is my skin layered in poison?
Sometimes, I think that might be it.
That, with contact
My demons will jump the static charge
Into the grooves of your fingertips,
Spreading cell by cell
Until you are consumed.
I think that is why you never touch me.

Or maybe it is fear.
I can understand that.
What if I take your message
Through rose-colored frames?
Will I become another knee-bound beggar
You refuse change?
Will you regret it?
Maybe that is the reason.

The truth is,
I just want our physical connection
To be as strong as the bridge
We've built between our minds.
I want you to touch me.

Her mind is an observatory.
A really fun one. You know,
With rock candy at the entrance,
And a gift shop full of unique keepsakes.

Like compassion.  
And warmth.

And when you step inside,
Her constellations are painted upon the dome ceiling,
Telling a story only visible
To those willing to connect the dots.

A story of glowing blues
And scattered specks
Of burning red,
With a dark void
Occupying the gaps
You so desperately wish to fill.

She has an entire solar system
Inside of her,
Hidden within the stars.
A heart as gold as the sun.
A soul as old as she wants.
And when she speaks,
You fall in love.
Because you don't have a choice.

Her voice echoes amphetamines
Along the walls of my skin.
Her smile shines
Like the crooked panels
On every straight paved sidewalk
I've ever known.

And when I look into her eyes,
The universe stares back.

I think she's a goddess.

Hey Mom,
I'm sorry for not being
your happy little boy.
I'm sorry I couldn't grow up
to be happy like you wanted me to be.
You were perfect.
I love you.

Hey Dad,
I know I avoided you these past few years.
I don't regret it.
I hope to see you again though.
Only in hell.
I hate you.

Hey friends,
I know you tried so hard for me.
I'm sorry I was pointless.
I never really had a chance.
I was always the ****-up I am.
You know this.
I'm sorry.

Hey Dear,
I'm sorry for all the guilt I've caused.
I'm sorry for always being your little problem, the one you could never get rid of.
I always wanted to see you happy.
All I did was cause the opposite.
I wish I was someone else.
Forgive me.

All my little notes I leave.
I still hope no one will miss me

is it fitting
That on " national love letter day", I write my first to you?

I have written about you since we met.
But this, mi amo, is the first directly to you.

I had never shared my writings before you
I still have them in a notebook full of emotion
Locked with the same key that buckled my heart.
But you hold it now. So you hold them as well.

You are my first in so many things.
So I only hope I can be your first in a few.

I stand before you exposed, enchanted,
and enveloped in your love.

I have a habit of writing.
I leave notes
song names
numbers
written everywhere...

Now,
Starting today
I'm writing something worth much more.
Little tokens.
For you.
To keep.

I'm writing you notes, poems, letters.
All about you
for you
explaining my adoration
and pure addiction to you

Here is the first of many...


I cannot wait till I can wake up quietly,
roll over to see you
ease out of bed
and leave you notes on my pillow where my head was resting
" I am out running for your (French vanilla, cream and sugar) coffee and getting you chocolate frosted donuts, be back soon my love"

Here is to you baby.
Here is to the notes I've yet to leave
Here is to the letters I have yet to write
The poems yet to share.

Here is to you...
Because they are all yours.

Here is to the first of many.
My love...
All my letters are yours.

Hurricane season
All throughout my cotton pocket
Comfort, such a tricky muse,
I found it!
Nope.. that’s not it.
But it was, a subtle fuzziness,
My nerves suddenly honey dipped
The sweetest,
****.. here comes the bees
& once again i’m running stiff.
Freest when i’m knotted up
I gotta bottle up
The ****** such and such
Until I’m still enough to drift beyond the cusp
The same setting sun,
The same son will set unsettled.
Another silent night,
Another fight against the nettles.
I need a rest,
To feel closer to death.
To keep me at my best.
It’s like a test,
Each time I lay in bed.
I have to try my best.
To stay there,
Blankets wrapping round me
Don’t ground me.
Still awake,
I lay, awaiting sleep to come and drown me.

Playing with me is like, playing with ur life
Cut you down slice by slice, no knife
Make you a sacrifice, then slap you back to life
It’s a full on scrap when I rap,
You wasn’t ready for that,
I went straight to hell, after I made contact,
Battled in pitch black, now they won’t let me back,
how many MC you know, is rugged as that,
I’ve been to the unknown, and left an impact
I kept my pride, it’s all mine, fully intact,
I’m on my shrine, come from behind, ain’t no going back
If ur verses really nicer than mine, that’s fine – now rap.
My scripts, so wicked, they flip manuscripts with one rip,
I’ll tear you in half, my warpath is your bloodbath
You’re a joke so I just laugh, at this simple task
Terrorizing ur ***, the terror rising in your eyes
You shouldn't have ventured down this path
I’m wearing a jason mask, sipping a flask
Anyone else jump in, Freddy slicing his ***
My writing is brash,
If your a titan than clash,
If not, your just trash,
So I, Hulk smash,
Then wipe ur blood off my mask, and relax
And get back to stretching cash like yoga class.
cause I could care a lot less, about flows that's so monotonous
It just shows you’re a hot mess, Your raps blow so much you success
You are too slow, to keep up with my progress
my style been buck wild since I was a child it sounds like you are much less.

I'll return again, my darling.
You can't forget what we had.
The sweet grace of Time
Can't turn this bad.

I'll return again, my darling.
Our lives will be full again.
Keep my ring and poetry-
I left for you on the bed.

I'll return again, my darling.
But if you've moved on, I understand.
I hope you know, my darling--
You're the best of life I've had.

You couldn't be cliche to save your life
Your simply too stubborn for that
You see love as a pastime
Not something to seek out
Even when you're with me
I'm not really there
I can tell
You'll never kiss me in the rain
For fear of getting wet
You'll never talk to me about your day
Or ask me how I am
You could never write me love notes
Or give me a sweet nickname
Or even sing along
Because you'd hate for me to hear your voice
Because all of that
must seem so silly to you.