The waves are silent. The waves
don't move. Nobody wants to be here
and nobody wants to leave.

There's a man trapped
under his house with an alligator.
His wife does the thin space walk:
an olive, a cherry, and an onion.

She'd sensed his gaze and took off
her dressing gown. She asked if he thought
her bottom was too big, her mind too small.
He said a faded, faulted no.

He's stupid, but he'll catch on
sooner or later. He once saw a ray in her,
but she fell out of orbit. Waxing and waning.

She's got to be careful, after
the sleeping pills and gas. She knows
it's Wednesday because she
took her last pill on Tuesday.

Allowing the world she so painstakingly
built up to ignite and burn apart
in front of both their eyes.

It's hard to speak openly as a man
who only knew how to be a boy.

My credentials are lackluster,
I only have my mothers words

on how I never learned patience.
My heart fears big men in small places,

I guess that's why I never grew up...
I was afraid to stand tall and speak up.

Promise kept, for the sake of promise kept.
Robes worn, for the sake of robes worn.
Wedding bands, and oming hands.
The value in virtue, I will willfully adorn.
Its tightening locks of golden strands
the lightning rocks me, but it understands.
I must work through what I've made,
I trust the solace in this, a stoic slave.
I picked my lot and hold it fast,
I'll stick my spot, this mold is cast

Doubt will cause a shadow
and I've drunken all I had, so
a deep drink in divine, then have your spew.

Trust in the voice
that made this choice,
and for this lifetime, actually see it through.

same old black t shirt,
first day of school ID.

buzzed hair starting to grow in,
glimmering from lamination.

slinking slouching sliding,
stumbling betwixt the desks.

the man, the myth, the legend,
just nobody knows he exists

It seems like the tales in my heart
are mired in my soul
scars on my body
are basically just tales of
intense violent mysogony
what I realized
was that  my femininity is not what I hate
its the longing to feel safe
to feel okay
in my womaness
to not equate my womanhood with violence.
        
I am healing
I am working on separating this
on healing the patterns of violence
that I was brought into this world with
from a violent man known as my father
and the men in my family
I feel the anger in my heart
that I have always carried and pointed towards myself
now all I listen to is metal music
and I feel so much comfort
in this music ,
that explains my emotions in words that I can't even describe,
What hurts more
is that I overlooked so many good men
because of the way that my violence,
has painted me into a corner
in my mind.
This is why I choose my healing
above all else.
When we are so mired in our pain
We can barely see that our HELL  is HELL,
because part of us thinks  that it will always be that way!


I called you crying my tears running down my face
waterfalls of pain,
runny mascara,
In the back of an ambulance
you my brother told me,
you were sorry
but to stop talking
because it hurt you ,
and you were too busy to come
help me!
Well guess what
there was NO ONE  ever to help me !!!!!!

I instead had to sit there in the hospital all alone
With nothing to my name
but Police records
Empty faces
pitying looks
And **** kits
I was too bruised too move,
There are some things one can't forgive
and this is one of them.

What's worse is this man who abused me ,
was like all the others
who preach modesty!

Why not preach kindness ,
love
equality
seeing women as equal,
as worthy of everything that you have
just because you have a *****,
doesn't make you better than me !!!!

One man who abused me called me
his femme fatale,
oh Hunny,I am worse than that if you mess with me!

I think for so long
I have been more afraid of myself ,
than anyone else
for the rage that is held inside of me
is enough to build buildings with !

So instead of telling you
TO GO  FUCKKKKK Yourself ,
which I have already done
to one of the abusers that I  had met  before,
I will say I remember it all
and my body doesn't forgive!

As the jewish new year comes around
in a few weeks,
I can count on my fingers all the sins that
all these horrific monsters of men
did to me ,
because men like these,
they aren't real men
they are monsters who pertend to be men.

Within my realm where life takes root and soars,
Now a sadness lingers, a paradox adored.
Cruelty, a term that humans define,
Yet in my dance of balance, it intertwines.

I cannot deny the pain I see,
Is like rejecting fire's warmth or crimson sea.
I'm not malevolent as humans might assume,
But survival's art in every creature's tune.

In every human war, the cruel was seen,
A reflection of my ways, or so they deem.
But know, dear reader, I'm not to blame,
For blood and fire are not the same.

Human minds project their darkness on me,
And my creatures suffer, as far as I can see.
Unfolds in struggle, where survival's key,
And adaptation shapes each destiny.

In Nature's school, where progress and pain merge,
Humans elevate, their spirits surge.
Distinct from beasts, they hold a higher place,
With right and wrong etched on their moral space.

Yet biological laws devoid of morals dwell,
Inhuman, they are, neither heaven nor hell.
Humans, in contrast, can both love and hate,
A choice that sets them apart from fate.

Tennyson's line, with agonizing might,
Paints red in tooth and claw a dreadful sight.
But life's grand curtain is more complex, you see,
With predators and prey in harmony's decree.

The surgeon's blade, a healer's tool so true,
Teaches that pain can bring renewal too.
Struggle refines, victory crowns the end,
Nature's guidance, a benevolent hand.

Balance is my secret, predator and prey,
In harmony dance, as night turns to day.
Swift blows of death ensure a swift demise,
And in this cycle, my wisdom lies.

Through adaptation's art, I mold and shape,
Each creature's role, each destiny to drape.
Predators and prey, a dance so grand,
A circle woven by my hand.

Struggle's path leads to victory's embrace,
A challenge conquered, a daunting race.
Just as a surgeon brings healing's balm,
My lessons bring strength and calm.

Yet my cruelty's not human intent,
But purposeful growth, with wisdom sent.
Lessons unfold, in pain's transient grace,
Building strength, a resilient embrace.

Human presence, a disruptor's role,
Changing ecosystems, altering my goal.
But wisdom unseen, in time prevails,
Rebalancing forces, as each tale entails.

In my realm of paradox and charm,
Cruelty and balance intertwine, disarm.
Each creature's place, each struggle endured,
Leads to triumph, strength assured.

But as I watch my realm slowly fade,
A sadness lingers, a price to be paid.
For humans have disrupted my balance so true,
And now my creatures suffer, as do I too.

there’s a spring in my step that’s been missing
I open my mouth and a bunch of excited chatter pours out
procrastination hasn’t been a problem
things are getting done
I feel randomly happy and bright…

I think
it’s hope

Often not, is prayer
In fear of God
But of our fellow man

The premise of amounting to nothing,
Can be comforting.
If you think you are capable enough
To affect real change.
And if you are, and
Do not, you are no
Man. And if
None of us act,
We are all ******.