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xjf Nov 2023
I'm not going to use my love anymore
I'm already moving to fast
I should also stop using heart
if I want anything to last
xjf Sep 2023
It was a long bus ride
And the **** plastic sheet seats
Were cracking from abuse and freeze
We all kept warm with conversations
And secrets
And scandals in the back row

The era of shame
My own propaganda
Selling me on the idea
That I should carry everyone's.

That bus was wretched
With the stench
Of frozen sweat
And regret

Despite it all
I could find any single one of you
And we'd exchange
Untouchable moments
Memories of the heart
Strung along that tattered pavement

Here's mine

It was in your eyes
That I saw myself shine
For across that opaque pane
I witnessed your thought
"this guy is interesting"

You and your curly raven rings
Asking about my fixations
Changed the course
Of who I see
when I close my eyes

I've never seen you since that summer
I've never sat behind you again
Can't even recall the name
Can't remember if we won the game
But you're a warm tea I get to sip
When it comes across my mind
No loose ends
No ***** stains
Just the sun breaking the squall
And the summer of ****** football
xjf Sep 2023
I'm not there yet
But soon in the story
I'll see the infinity of it all
See this body
simply as a day

In the experience

Soon in the story
I'll see no difference
or space between us
And realize it was
conversations with myself

I've made some **** good art
I’ve made some eyesores
I've done some horrible things
I've saved countless lives
I've killed this earth
I've rebuilt and moved on
I’ve come the conclusion
I’ll never be gone
xjf Sep 2023
I look at the sky and everything is clear
I turn to the sun
and am forced to remember
I am human

Squinting and scrunched
the tranquility is gone
My eyes pinch my mind
and again
These days become long
xjf Sep 2023
I told myself to give you poetry in motion
But I don't have a very good camera
or the stamina to hold myself to that kind of devotion
So I slow things
In hopes that this microscope envelops you from your fear
Oh dear, peering in the looking glass again
Not much else, washes out this type of stain
xjf Sep 2023
In the back of my stair storage
I have a bin
within my old sins lie
Otherwise I'll forget
as soon as it leaves my eyes
I'm liable


I have lost so many things
some misplaced
stolen, I’m sure
I've lost people
For the same reasons

Its enough to drive me manic
I can’t trace
where the last place
I had it
The worst
Is when I don't even know
I've lost it
until the universe
decides to taunt and tease me
with that information

I've lost songs
that hold memories
of my childhood within their lyrics
I've lost movies
Some I've just watched too many times
I've lost feelings
at least all the intensity in them

I've started hoarding

I told myself I'm not losing that nostalgia
So I'm boarding them up in boxes
I'm being present in my past
and these are the paradoxes
In which my unlost will hopefully last

Not to be dramatic
But I love to be dramatic
You're one thing I look for every time
But I couldn't find you if I tried
No crumbs, no remnant
nothing in these boxes
will cause remembrance

One day, I'll be going through
and one day, I won't care to find you
xjf Sep 2023
Split vision
The mirror lies
It's my Hearts decision
To eat with its eyes
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