I pretended to sleep
you lounged in the corner
ankle over knee
casually holding a very long handled
sledgehammer
talking to someone I couldn’t see
you were upbeat and relaxed
you were gentle and amused
you were handsome and
a bit
frightening
who were you?

I framed a new space
wired it
installed electrical boxes
insulated it (the good stuff)
put up drywall...

next weekend will be mud and paint
then another weekend for shelves
which still doesn’t give me enough time
to figure out
whose closet is this?

our kisses are being edited
playing over and over
forward and back
slow and fast
clip clip clip
pause delete copy

we may need to do a few more takes

he’s been trying to convince me
for so long
I have borderline personality disorder
I may as well believe it
still
neither of my therapists agree

commas are graphic
three dimensional bullies
so opinionated
we should put them in their place

I used to be so afraid of losing you
silly, since I didn’t have you
didn’t have a chance of navigating your minefields
I’m not afraid anymore
I’ve given up
if fate exists,
I’ll let her take care of it

in the meantime
I have happy places to find
I will share them with you

this is maybe a funeral
no, the party after the funeral
that cool people say they want
instead of a funeral
because they don’t want people to be sad
which is stupid but
someone dropped acid in the punch
to help things along
and we are pretending you’re still here