Feel depressed
Take time to myself
Get called lazy

Keep busy for them
Not doing enough

Stimulate my system
Now I’m reckless;
Stop
Energy plummets

Lazy again
Forget things...
Lots of things...
Why can’t you remember?
Am I not important to you??

They’re always angry
Never doing enough
Never helpful enough
They are all that matter

Wait.

What about me?

You’re lazy.
You’re not doing enough.
Get up and help.

I can’t.

Yes you can, c’mon.

I. Can’t.

Worthless.

And now

More depressed.

12/20/14

Hatred and Anger
They build up inside,
They bubble and boil
Until they are hard to hide.

Merry Christmas they say
Happy New Year to you
But where is the merry and
Happy I once knew?

Now all the holidays
Are about bigger and better
Now they are crazy
And wilder and wetter.

Buy this gift new
Buy this gift for you
Buy this gift for him
Buy this one, too.

You bought this gift last year
Don't buy it again.
You regifted that one
Don't tell the Johnson's.

Gift cards can be cheezy and
Impersonal.
Handmade cards are much more
Appreciated.

Don't bother my spouse
He can be a louse
Don't bother anyone
In my house.

I'm a btch
It's a cinch
As I stitch
And I pinch.

So you won't get me Christmas
Because I'm a btch
But when you act like this
You say it's a cinch.

You treat us like dirt.
You harm and you hurt.
Don't care how you get it
Just get what you want.

You give out hatred
But expect love in return
Your world is upside down
No wonder you get burned.

Copyright From A Poet's Heart

he rubs my back
as i lay on his chest
he whispers to me
something i will never forget
and then i realized
i love him and he loves me

soaking in the sunlight
under the trellis of greenery,
shadows dancing on the face
and warmth lulling to a slumber,
faint music pouring into the ears,
and fleets of feelings unfolding
dancing with the memories,
untold stories peeking behind
the closed lit eyes,
pressing to let out.

eating fast food as I watch you wear your old Hawaiian t shirt you adopted from the bottom of a bin at the local thrift shop because everything has always been comfort over style and you can't change now
a fry falls onto the lap of my thighs and you ask me when the last time was I used my kitchen floor for dancing instead of pacing around but my mind falls short into the drops of condensation sweating into a couch that I hate sometimes and admire for the sturdy way it always manages to **** up my back
I'm already what I want to be but I pretend that I throw around my identity like a knick-knack hacky sack and I'll always blame you for the aftershock effect of feeling like I've been spun in a tumbler and left to be drunk by the gnats you breed by never throwing old fruit away

I’m lazy, not depressed
That’s why I lay in bed all day
My room is a mess
And my limbs don’t work anymore
I’m lazy, not depressed
I’m sad because I’m irresponsible
I cry because I’m guilty,
I don’t cry because I’m depressed
I cry because I’m lazy.
That’s all I’ll ever be
No one said that to me
But actions are more than speak

I knew I picked
this day to rest
For a part of it is true

Someday we'd all be
Something grand, someone
they'd rally to

It'll be a part of memory
a clip to look back to

I'd say, "Oh, how
we used to be so bland,
but hopelessly hopeful"

Then, smirking, I added,
With no doubt and remorse

"T'was because we knew
this day would come as NOW
when we hoped this as tomorrow."