he rubs my back
as i lay on his chest
he whispers to me
something i will never forget
and then i realized
i love him and he loves me

soaking in the sunlight
under the trellis of greenery,
shadows dancing on the face
and warmth lulling to a slumber,
faint music pouring into the ears,
and fleets of feelings unfolding
dancing with the memories,
untold stories peeking behind
the closed lit eyes,
pressing to let out.

eating fast food as I watch you wear your old Hawaiian t shirt you adopted from the bottom of a bin at the local thrift shop because everything has always been comfort over style and you can't change now
a fry falls onto the lap of my thighs and you ask me when the last time was I used my kitchen floor for dancing instead of pacing around but my mind falls short into the drops of condensation sweating into a couch that I hate sometimes and admire for the sturdy way it always manages to **** up my back
I'm already what I want to be but I pretend that I throw around my identity like a knick-knack hacky sack and I'll always blame you for the aftershock effect of feeling like I've been spun in a tumbler and left to be drunk by the gnats you breed by never throwing old fruit away

I’m lazy, not depressed
That’s why I lay in bed all day
My room is a mess
And my limbs don’t work anymore
I’m lazy, not depressed
I’m sad because I’m irresponsible
I cry because I’m guilty,
I don’t cry because I’m depressed
I cry because I’m lazy.
That’s all I’ll ever be
No one said that to me
But actions are more than speak

I knew I picked
this day to rest
For a part of it is true

Someday we'd all be
Something grand, someone
they'd rally to

It'll be a part of memory
a clip to look back to

I'd say, "Oh, how
we used to be so bland,
but hopelessly hopeful"

Then, smirking, I added,
With no doubt and remorse

"T'was because we knew
this day would come as NOW
when we hoped this as tomorrow."

I'm lazy,
Argumentative,
I drain,
From their incentive,
I'm a pain,
And overly sensitive,
But not enough,
When it comes to pets,
Not an "animal person",
Just not into vets,
I'm so terrible,
yes oh yes,
The worst,
yes oh yes,
Adhd,
Anxiety,
Intrusive thoughts,
Please help me,
No medication,
For the thoughts,
"It's electronics",
Your brain rots,
They hate me,
When I make,
Any sort,
Of mistake,
He blames me,
When somethings missing,
Why can't I be left,
Left alone,
Given privacy,
In our home,
Can't close my door,
Can't have food,
Suspicious to have water,
I wish I could,
Just be left,
To my own devices,
But it's on me,
It's my fault,
That I'm called names,
By an adult,
"Wack",
He sometimes says,
"Lord Help Me".
I need prayers,
Though he never prays,
Outside of me being weird,
I'm a demon for these days.
"Can't wait till you leave",
I can't wait too,
I'm spoiled?
You don't like me though,
It's true.
I'm always the bad one,
Never defended,
Only attacked,
Then I can't be offended?
Okay.

Some days
You just aren’t ready for the sun to blaze
Lazy days
Close the curtain go back to sleep
Falling into abyss
Counting sheep