a feeling of incomplete awakening
where sleep has not set in before
a glimpse of another time and space
calm primordial darkness
pervading unity
predating everything
before the stars
and gravity
arcane sensation of belonging
expanding intuition warming
self-awareness fading in
thickening drive
for breaking out of comfort
for a journey of discovery
the cracking of the eggshell
the slow withdrawal
of the veil of slumber
outstretched arms will welcome
the emergence
come alive
my eyes are yours now

Stomach dressed in black holes,
Heart of velvet chained with barbed wire.
Second guessing instinct,
And I attempt to trust the liar.
Sampling my memories
Try to collect what I have learned.
Bringing it, just below the surface.
Is this the life I've earned?
I'd like to believe I deserve more.
In fact, I think I will.
But as of late it seems my life
Is standing perfectly still.
And the God in me
Promises fruition.
"But it can only come,
With a trust in intuition."

3/30/17

My head hurts, mom
Please come and take the pain away, mom
I'm not holding my breath, I can't breath
No one understands my brain, but me
The way I think, the path I've lain
and when the dead comes and whispers in my ear,
I'll make sure that you come and hear.
↝⍣↝⍣↝⍣↝
My tears keep stealing water from the ocean
and every effort I make ends in lost devotion.
My heart hurts, mom
Please come and take the pain away, mom
I don't know who I want near, mom
Everyone I want can't come here, mom
It's my natural instinct to run to you, mom
But, I try my hardest to show you I grew, mom
I'm not some little girl with an innocent mentality
But, I am someone who tries to escape reality
Two attempts and I've failed, mom
I'm feeling better but my mind is still jailed
I will keep my mind locked up for now
And only let thoughts out that you allow.

Instead of being sick
I've chosen to be honest
and it's a simple exchange of words.

To take my mind and body
hand in hand or thought for thought
to bring them together
and understand
that I need to be healthy.

To speak philosophy and psychology
I will need to be an example
of health and a preacher
of true self respect--
that does not let sugary foods
and media persuade me
from my identity.

It is not by the grace
of a supernatural deity
that I come to improve,
or the supreme control of ulterior  motives,
nor world justice.

But the illusion of self control itself
that begets me to strengthen my core
to show--
that we are all beyond:
our basic habits,
worthy of salvation,
that all animals
if desired can become
more than our de-faults.

Our existence consists of a resistance to the persistent indifference,
The instinct without substance, consistent yet distant,
That will influence our adolescence, make us insistent and violent,
Until in an instant we will all become silent.

Let me be selfish!
Let me be snobbish!
Let my ego shouts out!
Let my whole being be free from those silly norms!
Destiny might have other plans than what I hope!
Maybe I'm not part of your dreams or world!
Maybe I'm not in anyone's agenda!
Maybe I'm bringing Confusion!
Maybe my Shadow and the Dark Side still there and has its agenda!
                                    If I say "I Love You".....
Am I violating your Values... Your Freedom... Your World!
                                    If I say "I Love You".....
Am I breaking the norms of universe or peoples' or Community's Rules!

I am only voicing what is crying inside me!
I am only voicing the instinct that created by God!
As I am one of his Sons!!!!

Do I still need to care about those Norms anymore!

What does your heart know?
          how does your heart feel?
                why do you deny your heart?
                       the call, calling, the feeling that calls you to purpose...


...Jihad?

careful I was, not to step on the ants
on the trail--a red commando column, carrying crumbs
to their busy mound, on auto pilot  

feet from their hidden queen, a felled oak,
infested with termites, gorging themselves
on its dying flesh, a cellulose feast  

one day soon, when rain carries workers
off their course, these two industrious species shall meet
and their cryptic ******* will fail  

leaving them with the choice of fight or flight;
the former will prevail, for they can run but never hide,
from treachery that comes from so deep inside