Today while writing out words to break down & create anagrams that I could use in my writings. I realized that the anagram for "Secret Admirer" is "Dreams Reciter".

Crazy right?

The girl that I think about all day,
Practices my dreams at night?

If only I could tell you the words;
I'm afraid they're all ones I've never heard.

To bring you the sun & take all the rain.
To transition you to earth;
From my brain.

I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.

She paid the cost
Endured the loss
Bounced back and found her way.
Now she in her groove
Making all the moves
On a path that she paved.
Oooh everyone around her playing charades.
Oooh while she over here tryna get paid.
Everything about her is self-made.

See the jewels? Oh best believe she bought it.
See the car? She only drives in exotics.
Where she came from? Oooh she ain’t forgot it.
When we locked eyes, no surprise, these feelings yeah I caught it.

Oooh she’s the boss.
But that’s no shock.
Got a walk that match her talk.
That’s floss and gloss.
CEO of the life she lives.
She’s got the sauce.
Homies mad that she don’t show them the ***.
Mmm that’s not her fault.
She say she loves me but no need me,
Oooh that’s my boss.

from growing and forming in a cocoon , to finding your feet and your way to the top ; as a caterpillar , now you're flying like a butterfly - free and independently .

It’s difficult to go from being dependent on someone to being independent. It wasn’t gradual, it was sudden. Like the way you are engulfed by fire, all of a sudden you are consumed. There’s nothing gradual, there’s no warning, it just happens and you’re left with nothing except fire and fury.

They say united we stand, but I am stronger on my own
Every attempt to break my walls will only make the distance wider
So why don’t you let go of all the fantasies you hold
And let the both of us decide on how to start another chapter

It might be even that you don’t hold any evil thought behind this
But I have learned with broken bones, it takes some time to realize that
It always ends up being burnt.
So why should we go through this pain and risk a peaceful state of mind
When ending’s already predicted and there’s no chance for us to stand
Through ashes of a shattered past?

I know that trusting other people can only take a part of you
And when they leave, they also leaving a mark on soul you’ve showed them to
So I believe that being lonely means keeping power to myself
And I believe that this is only way to avoid spiritual death

2-12-2017