love... is a mystery
one day you're basking in the joys of a carefree life
then suddenly you cant move or think or breathe
because a single person takes over your entire being

how can one have that much power over something?
what happened to the power of freedom and will?

it feels like a war with yourself
except you don't know if you want to win or lose
you won't know whether you win or lose
because what is the definition of "winning"?
forcing your way into someone's heart and "gaining" their affection?
changing yourself to exceed someone's expectations of a "perfect person"?
but may i ask, is letting go really losing?

all logic aside, sometimes equations just can't be solved, 
no matter how much proof there is
i + i = 2i, but you're still stuck with that,
an imaginary number

and no matter how hard you work to solve the mystery of i,
all your hopes and dreams will be crushed in the end anyway
because some things are just not meant to be
some things are just meant to remain undiscovered
and perhaps if we're lucky,
someone who's destined for it will unravel its mystery, your mystery

just not me

My lifeline is a boy who doesn't exist.
A made up dream thought up by a kid.
His dark hair the hills of soil for my flowers.
His gaze the river I could float in for hours.
His enchanting eyes the moon that shines in the dark.
His pink lips the shade of my Bleeding Hearts.
His freckles the ladybugs that land in the garden.
His smile the reflection of the sun on the pond.
His heart beat the rhythm of my feet as I run.
His voice the call of a summers day.
His back the tree I use to reach for the skies.
His hands the branches I use to climb.
His arms the fortress surrounding my fragility.
His chest the pillow where I weep.
His legs the wings that steer me home.
His mind the temple where I roam.
His heart the bed where I rest.
His "I love you" the one that knows me best.
My lifeline is a boy who doesn't exist.
A made up dream I thought up,*
*that's it.

"The people around me,
They don't know yet.
they don't know..."
That you're the only one...
"Only one---- only one--"
-Look AT US!!!
"I DO!!!"
WE ARE REAL
      I cover my face,
I've started rocking again.
... Something to sooth an infant,
so why not me?
Because 'we' are here
No...
Say it, where WE can hear you
"no... No... NO! NOOO, No---- no, no, no."

I feel my fathers hands on my shoulders
shaking me, awake.
Another nightmare, I hear.
He holds me in his arms,
drenched in fear and sweat.
They've gone...

There once was a strange land
Long long ago
If was made by a girl
A child full of woe

Winds always howl
And the sky is always green
Grass is never cut
And the stars are always seen

She made this world
A home in her mind
But the only beings there
Are the forgotten kind

The dreams of a little girl
Who loathed the real world
Her parents were never there
So she made beings who were always fair

She played with these folk
In the meadows of her mind
She made these people just
She made them so kind

But then she got older
And saw the hate of the world
The beings in her mind
Mirrored this unfold

Their desires grew darker
Their motives were skewed
They criticized the girl
Only negatives they spewed

How she isnt pretty
How she was a mistake
They used to give love
But now they only take

The girl became calloused
From the voices in her mind
The voices that spread hate
That used to be so kind

I am the girl
The girl of strange kind
The voices are in my head
They are many, you will find

I miss that world
Of green sky and strong wind
The world of my making
A world without sin

But I know this is a lie
For sin is everywhere
In the mind of a child
In the words of a prayer

So I pray now
God bring me back there
To the word of green sky
To where everything was fair

There's a place I  visit in the back of my mind
It doesn't exist, but I think they call it "home"
Here I am not so easily bound and confined
And I am free to walk wherever I wish to roam

Wistfully I long for the refreshing rains
Accompanied by soft sunlight and a gentle breeze
That sweeps over the lush, green plains
And fills the forests of sky-scraping trees

The daisies and snapdragons blossom all year
Even when covered in a blanket of pale snow
The vibrant colors make the world seem so clear
And every surface gleams and glows

God's great palette paints the endless sky
Soaring beyond the horizon are birds in flight
The clouds are tinted, dipped, and dyed
And fade as stars encompass the night

If you're special, I might imagine you there
But I usually travel by myself, all alone
Where I can breathe in the fresh, sweet air
In the safest and most freeing place I've ever known

The only problem with my hideaway and escape
Is that it is indeed a hopelessly false reality
I plead to see its likes in any form or shape
But must abandon my grave irrationality

When he looked,he saw with an eagle's eye
To tell dirt from clean, truth from the lie
When he knew, he wanted every detail
Of information in wholesale, not retail

When he loved, he did it with a passion
For whom he fell was special, not just any person
Whom he treasured,he did like the gold
And when he promised, he promised a world

His embrace was a magical thing of wonder
Which made hearts beat as loud as thunder
In his absence, his mistress' heart grew fonder
And she was the only thing he loved as he did Uganda

When he kissed, he stole her pain and worries
And from the first kiss realized he'd be the one she marries
So much so that in the night like fountains in the stream
He was the constant variation in her every dream  

When he spoke, he whispered probably in fear
Of the world or probably because he was always close to her ear
Yet when he laughed, he gave romance meaning
Besides a strong shoulder worthy of trusting and leaning

He was a thing every lady in the universe wanted
A thought that saved her from being haunted
By the monster of a lifetime of impairing loneliness
A gorgeous illusion which gave her some happiness

In the hope of grasslands
stands an ancient Baobab tree
somewhere, a village
of dust & dirt, wakes slowly
she ties her shoelaces
an elephant walks past
on the distant horizon
the camera breaks
right at that moment
when she wants to take
a picture to bring home
so she resorts to postcards,
half-written letters
& learning the language
so she could impress them
the hotel porter, a lean boy
of merely twenty-two
watches her
his hunger is written
like lightning in his eyes

He creeps in,
Makes no sound.

I feel him,
As he exhales his crystallising cold breath,
Cold to the touch yet warm.

He holds me,
Helps me,
Saves me.

His blue icy lips gentle kiss,
My neck is frozen,
My spine it shivers.

A tear flowing down my cheek,
Slows as it solidifies,
To cold, icy dust.

I'm stagnant,
Immobile,
Scared.

He slowly moves,
Icicles are forming on my chin,
As tears flow.

My eyes are shut but I feel his blistering, cold breath,
As it embraces my face,
I can breathe.

His lips move closer,
I can feel it.

They meet mine in perfect alignment,
And then it was blue,
As they joined mine we formed a lilac sea,
Cold to the touch,
Inviting me in.

My eyes opened,
He was gone,
Again,
I was alone.