How high can I fly
Before I fall?
A question, from my lips
You'll never recall.
For in whatever you may call
My life
I had always been drowning
Every smile
Laced with misery
Every connection
Developed from my energy
Every word
Every word
Full of honesty

You know
The reason why
You see me there
Everywhere
And yet
I am always not there
Is because
With every interaction
That I make
There is nothing that is shared
Only held
And then abandoned.

How high can I fly
Before I fall?
The question is easily answered.
I am already drowning
Drowning in everywhere I am
And everywhere I am not.
The real question is,
How long
And when,
Til I land?

The button glares it's hideous grin beckoning me to give it one good push
Start Over is plastered over it's red polish
Why is the button always red? I question
I am numbed my core rotten as I stick in my hands in to see if my heart still beats
Everything fades and my senses feel as though it is just an anesthetic
I try to see but all I know is this dream within my nightmare
The button grows further and further away
Will I be able to reach it in time?
I don't know...

I really do wonder if I am just going to be like this for the rest of my life or if it's just a very long faze
I've wondered this for years
always thinking
"well next week will be better
next month will be better
next year will be better"
and it's not
I've been so unhappy lately
the kind I can't quite put my finger on
I know I've been lonely
and feeling insecure lately
about everything
my looks
my job
my relationship
my son
my car
Etc etc etc
I honestly have days and weeks where I feel unstoppable
I could handle everything at once and not blink
but then all of those highs crash into deep dark lows and I feel too weak to climb back up

I got really high tonight
And chose to specifically take
The time to view over my thoughts

Such a sad place:
Full of wretched self judgemental opinions
You aren’t good enough said me to me in the mirror
You’ll never be loved and you’ll never be successful
You’re only a time to time beneficial resource to the ones you thought cared about you
Nobody will ever love you for you, you either give them what they want or they’re gone
Everyone in your life will leave you eventually
You’re such a disappointment
You’re so ugly
You're crazy
She's prettier than you and has such a nice body
You're not good enough and never will be
Stop getting so attached nobody wants to stay
Hate yourself
Nobody would care if you disappeared
Why’re you even here?

Although I occasionally think about this
dark room in my head while sober
I always fake it away and try not to think about it
I never truly take the time to
think about everything gives me
sad and anxious feelings
This is depressing
I don’t wanna be in this dark room anymore

Caution!!! Bad vibes only

I try to exit this room
but the doors are locked
I CAN’T GET OUT
I try to knock down the door
With the little energy I have
After this major dark attack
I finally get to leave

Sober you knows everything will be okay
I'm never going back there again
Nap time…

Connect like comets,
got thoughts but won’t comment,
controversial as a result of being honest,
honestly sick of the politics & sick of the nonsense,
actually I’m sick of it all to be honest but still I won’t *****,
conflicted by the conflicts that’re inflicted on my conscience,
from the constant onslaught of plots that they’ve got that I’m barraged with,
in this enormous orbit that we’re all in it’s ugly & gorgeous I’m nauseous but conscious,

just wishing they’d stop it & I’ve lost my train of thought but haven’t yet lost consciousness,

at,

a house party in The Hamptons,
July 6th. 2018,
last week D.C.,
next week Miami,

bless the vibes like we bless the mics,
that’s why they want us around,
if I get the invite & have the time I might take that flight,
because I’ve been all around but still up to get gown,

buzzing off of a mixture of different chemicals,
feeling Sharon ****** operating off of basic instinct,
Semi-Quasi-Serious-Centennial-American-Millennials,
wer­e are what is in so we tell them to get out with their doubts & we dismiss what they think,

live big & still get enough to give more than a little bit away to various charities,

with 3rd Eye Vision that’s 20/20 so they can’t pull a fast one on me,
in the perfect position I see everything while most of them can barely see anything,
not kidding but we do play no kids no way,
our artistic creations are what we will leave behind as our living legacies,

staying grounded at the same time we’re all stars outta this world like a fabulous galaxy,

where we connect like comets,
got thoughts but won’t comment,
controversial as a result of being honest,
honestly sick of the politics & sick of the nonsense,
actually I’m sick of it all to be honest but still I won’t *****,
conflicted by the conflicts that’re inflicted on my conscience,
from the constant onslaught of plots that they’ve got that I’m barraged with,
in this enormous orbit that we’re all in it’s ugly & gorgeous I’m nauseous but conscious,

just wishing they’d stop it & I’ve lost my train of thought but haven’t yet lost consciousness…

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

That first time we took a drink,
let the cool fecund tides rampage over our tongues,
down our throats and take up residence in the empty pits of our stomachs.
We rejoiced.
We danced.
We consumed every and all in our path, relentless,
like the silence that used to adorn our small corner of the world.
They purse cracked lips to whistle at the ******* of the women that walk past,
and clench fists as muscle bound males raise their hackles to ward them off.
We want to fight.
We want to beat the world into submission,
to restore that silence that we crave but have learned to despise.
Neon lights blind our eyes as we sway in tandem to the pulsing bass.
We are one,
We are animals.
Hurricanes tearing through our landscapes
Uncaring in the face of disaster we laugh manically,
Tilting our faces back as we peel off our skin,
Unzipping raincoats that don’t block out the sun.
Holding our arms together in a twin bed
Blocking out the ghosts of our past,
listening to the fish tank whir
remember the first time we drank,
leaning timber against the faded wall,
talking to mr. light even though he refused to answer,
our bodies melded under fairy lights,
I hold your lips on the tips of my fingers and
Your heart in the palm of my hands
And I cradle that small bird, breathing warm air
Onto its feathers to help it grow.
Tides pour through our bloodstreams,
Pounding through our systems in overdrive,
Weak hearts thrashing in their cages.
What are we made of?
Roots and veins and fragile paper skin
Waiting to be torn by the hands of unworthy suitors?
We am made of hot hard ***, and the need for more.
Something else. We are animals.  
The bars of our cages dissolve in the acid breath of our highs
We sing from the rays of the sun,
Belting out operatic tones of our lives as if someone
On the other side of the telephone is actually listening.
Instead we day drink
And night drink
And huddle in cloth cocoons waiting to transform into our saviors.
Remember that first night we drank,
Enraptured under magnetic ceilings,
Dancing together under the influence
Of a potentially better world.
Spinning star struck next to constellations
Waiting until the room stops swallowing us whole
So we can close our eyes until the morning,
Smile drunkenly high on love,
And maybe for once, we will sleep.

By Arcassin Burnham

Nothings Gonna Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever
Ever Ever Ever Change My world,
Sitting in the grass holding the egg man,
You understand man,
Alternate universes clashing at the seams
once like pouring a glass of water into
your dreams watching it float,
Your body goes along with it,
Its a feeling unheard of,
The things that you thought of, or dreamt
can be real with a flick of the wrist and
wave of the hand , it don't get better than
this,
Nothings Gonna Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever
Ever Ever Ever Change My world,
I been running the from the ways of system in and out , and I just wanna go
home,
can you take me there?most high can you
take me there?