She looks like a happy girl.
A kind girl.
A got-everything-she-wants-in-the-world girl.

But maybe she's a bruised girl.
A scared girl.
A scars-hidden-under-her-sleeve girl.

Maybe she spends every day
Hiding her hurt til it goes away.
But it never does,
It only grows,
As she suffers more and more relentless blows.

Maybe she waits
For someone to say (and mean it), to say:
'Are you okay?'

I just cannot morph into who I want to be
My soul is shifting into a shape dark and ugly
Instead of a reflection brimming with affection unsaid
I am becoming the opposite of who I am in my head

I hate the girl I see staring back with anger
Storms brewing in the eyes of this sudden stranger
Attempting to come up with an answer to my endless "Why?"
Never find an answer, yet I continue to try

One day the mirror will show not hurt but happiness
Love painted on my face, instead of distress
Come hell or high water I will have to be strong
I will be reborn, the me hiding inside all along.

When it rains,
It pours.
Cascading down,
I guess I’ll go home,
And stay there,
To hide.
Forget about my prior notion.

I put it on, everyday.
I tried not to make mistakes.
Even though it’s full of cracks,
I still sit up and put on my act.
And though no one ever wants to ask,
I still get up.
And put on My Mask.

Brown eyes are soft
They don’t speak too loud
But they catch my attention
Amongst all the noise
They are simple and beautiful
Full of wonder and purity
They are open to you
Drawing you in closer…
Closer for a kiss
Yet they hide many secrets
I can see why they’re dark
And the harder you look
The more you’ll wonder
What hides behind them?
Its easy to get lost
Lost in beauty?
Or lost in despair?
All I can say is…
The longer you stare
The more you’ll know
And the more you’ll wonder
And the deeper you’ll fall
With no escape

-AJT

Death knocks on the door with flowers
She does not answer

He knocks again
She blocks the door

He shouts her name
She buys a new houses

He comes again
And she builds a Panic Room

He shouts once more
And she locks the Panic door

He breaks into the house
And she blockades the hallway

He rattles the handle
She puts in ear plugs

He kicks and he screams
And she goes to sleep

Alone
In her chamber of solitude
With nothing
And no one
Left
Dreaming peacefully
As he breaks down the door

The news hit us like a sudden storm.
We all stood around.
Our ears trying desperately to process what they heard.
The room fell hush
With quiet murmurs and sobbing breaking the silence.
The air escaped our lungs
And tear stained cheeks became the trend.
Emotions surfaced on our sleeves.
But there was one who broke the norm.

As my eyes began to rain I caught hers.
She was the anomaly in the room.
While our eyes were rivers of sorrow
Hers was dry as a drought.
While our lips were sour with distraught
Hers were pursed shut.

Her face was expressionless.
Her body was calm.
Her hands never shook.

I thought her to be perplexing
Until I noticed
I was doing the same.

When she asked you to go away
That's when she needed you to stay,
But she's not going to tell you that
Because she know it won't make any change.

When she didn't text you that morning
It's because she spent the whole night crying.
Her pillow was a pond filled with pain
And all she ever called out was your name.

When she didn't kiss you goodnight,
She badly wanted you to ask her if she's alright,
But then you just turned your back and left...
There she was again, alone while she wept.

When she answered "I'm fine" before you even asked,
She thought you'd notice the dark circles around her eyes
But when you flashed your confused gorgeous smile,
She has forgotten that she's already broken inside.

And when you start to realize the real meaning of everything she did,
It's too late now because there's a man she's already with.
He hugged and kissed her and made her laugh,
and do the things you never did.

He noticed the tears in her eyes
Whenever she cried for you during those nights.
He chose to stay after you walked away,
Because he knows she needed him that day.

But don't worry 'cause she's a stupid girl
She'll never know he's in love with her.
And she'll always come running after you
Even though she knows she deserves someone better than you.