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Chloe May 2019
Quiet streets
Tall buildings, dotted with a grid
Of uniform windows.
Little sets them apart
But the people within.
You watch their silhouettes,
And try to determine their stories.
Are they alone? Are they happy? Are they asleep?
There’s only so much you can draw
From a brief shadow.
But there may be meaning, there may not.
Meaning is what you make it to be.

Black pavement
Lies bordered by dim streetlights.
A telephone box
Stands vacant, serving little purpose.
Another relic of the past.
Perhaps we should hold a funeral
For what once was.
But who has the time?

Concrete fades into dirt, gravel, sand.
If only.
It climbs between your toes, up your ankles,
Luring you away
From the city lights.
The waves roll onto the shore,
And you fill your body
With the freshness, crispness of the air.
You hold it, but you know you have to exhale
And let go of the waves,
The sand,
The cool wind,
This place trapped in time.
You know you have to keep moving.

There is little time
To be still.
To watch strangers dancing in windows,
To gaze upon a distant horizon,
To catch your breath.
Keep moving,
Or you will be left behind.
Keep moving,
Or you are lost in the crowd.
Chloe Mar 2019
it's strange
folding up all your t-shirts
and boxing up all the gifts you've given me
that made me smile once
but now they hurt to look at

i'll see you tomorrow
and the day after that
i'm stuck with you, like that
that awkward mix of pain and pathetic relief
that i see you every day

i feel so many things
i miss you
and i'd give anything to kiss you, hold you again
but i'm angry at you
because you treat me like ****
and i'm worried
because you're not coping

i need to trust you to deal with this yourself
because i can't keep hurting myself to try and fix you
but i can't stop thinking
     what if you hurt yourself?
          what if you fall into your old habits?
               what if you decide you can't take it anymore, and you...

i hate that you make me feel like this
you're so obsessed with your own pain
your own problems
that you don't think of me
worried sick about you
heartbroken without you

but that doesn't matter to you.

it's time for me to step back
and let you go chase a nicotine addiction
a pattern of self-hatred and lashing out
because i can't help you anymore
it's up to you to choose to care about yourself
and i hope to god that you do

because i care about you more than anything

and that's why it hurts so much to let you go

but i need to do this for me.
Chloe Sep 2018
.                                                                                                                     .
          Are you okay?
          Yeah, I’m all good.

My body sways, moves out of my control, thrown around as if I were a leaf in the wind. Waves of dark water crash over me, enveloping me from head to toe, stinging my skin and sending pulses of cold pain through my bones.

          What’s wrong?
          Nothing, don’t worry.

I struggle to hold myself steady, to hold my head above the water as currents threaten to drag me down, as waves crash past my head, filling my lungs with water.  

          Do you need to talk?
          Nah, I’m fine.

As if a tendril had reached up from the depths and wrapped around my ankle, I felt a hold on me, pulling me down. My head goes under, and its black, and its cold, and my lungs are frozen.
Figures swirl around me in the darkness, blacker than black, whispering and taunting.

          You’re a ****-up.
          It’s your fault.
          Why don’t you just disappear?
          You’re a waste of attention, you’re a waste of money.
          Why do they bother? There’s no helping you.

I kick and writhe, I scream soundlessly, I try to pull my way up to the surface.
But I can’t.
My body goes limp, and the words devour me, and my tears are lost in the black water around me.
That black is all I am.
I am nothing but dark thoughts.
I am nothing but anger, and sadness, and jealousy and hatred.
I’m never gonna see the sun again.
It feels like forever.
And it’s so ******* tiring.


          Hey, relax.

I begin to float, the tendrils loosening their grip on me.

          It’s gonna be okay.

I kick. It hurts to, but I kick.

          Just breathe.

I break through the surface, gasping for breath.

          I love you.

And I look up, and I see the sun.
.                                                                                                                     .
his voice makes me feel safe.
Chloe Aug 2018
this'll pass                                         what if i'm like this forever?
    it's all in my head                             what if this is all i am?
        don't worry about me                      please don't leave me
              i just need some time                      i'm scared of being alone
                  i'll be fine                                           i don't know what to do
                      everything's okay                              everything hurts
Chloe Aug 2018
There's a point,
After all the crying
And hurting,
Of numbness.
It's kind of peaceful,
But it's also really
I sit there
Pondering all the ways I could hurt myself,
Reading the labels on the bottles in the bathroom,
Wondering if any of it
Could **** me.
I'm not suicidal.
But for a moment there,
I ******* scared myself.
Chloe Jul 2018
i can't stop crying

i don't even know why

but the tears fall for an hour

and then they dry

and then i'm waiting

til it happens again

til i'm flooded with this feeling

of my mindstate caving in
Chloe Jul 2018
i hope you know
that i would give
to make your hurt go away.

i wish
i could take it
and make it my own
so you wouldn't have to suffer it.

you're so great
you're ******* incredible
and i hate
that you suffer this.

i love every inch of you
and i wish
with all my ****** heart
that you did too.
****, I love you.
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