It is something I can't tell anyone,
At first I thought it was fun,
Realizing now that I have a problem,
And it pains me to admit the ruin...

As I sit, slouched over,
Lady in the black dress tells me,
Sit up
Breathe in slow, now
Into the cup full of water,
The fog in plastic
Like the fog in my head,
Remember what they keep saying,
Someone thinks they're hated
And you don't have the words to correct them
So let that poor boy
Walk away, rejection
Like poison in his heart
Remember my nickname was "poison"
Left arm is limp and dead,
It hurts to pick up anything
Rise and lean on the table,
No,
Don't touch anything
Leeches on your chest,
And everyone keeps noticing,
"My girl"
And the words echo in
A hollow plastic mind
Filled with fog as the water is drained
Hair pulled back or hanging over the eyes
Well either way will stop your breathing
People keep asking, "are you okay"
And lies are just so easy,
Too easy,
Mumble in as many words,
Fine, it's fine,
Pray to hell they don't tell her
She can't know, can't know
Brings you to tears just
Thinking about forcing as many lies again
I'll look in the mirror but won't say,
I don't say "smudged drawing" or "failed graphics",
I see dead weight,
I beg them,
Don't make me take this off,
Don't force me to look at all,
Please

My words bunch up in my throat.
I want to comfort people with my words, sweet as honey,
But they're too thick to come out.
I finally get them out, but they're weak and useless.
How do I get them out?

My touch falters.
I try to reach out and help with a gentle touch,
But it lands awkward and uncomfortable,
People edge away not wanting to be touched by me.
How do I fix my touch?

My eyes betray.
I try to tell stories through my eyes,
To spare people my words, that stick like honey,
I look to try and keep my poisoned hands away from them,
But all they display is hurt and sadness.
How do light them?

My writing helps.
I write down all the thoughts that stick like honey.
I try to touch the reader's heart with my words.
I hide behind a screen so they don't have to see my eyes filled with sadness.
How do I do this without a screen and keyboard?

Far and wide
is where we’ll hide
when things seem dark and scary.
But alas we’ll emerge
from the pond of the weary
to laugh and to cry while accepting the eerie.

the ones with freedom
lock you up

i put up the bars
myself
but the key was
never turned

solid steal
built around me

they lock me up
but i have
the key

i stay
for the bars i built
lay on
a foundation of insecurity
that took
my life to build

why demolish
a twisted
art form
admired  by others

their normal
is now satisfied
for they cannot see
behind the bars

the art of disguise
mastered

He stands there hurting
But refuses to cry out.
Life goes by,
But I look up.

He can’t stand anymore
But says sleep was a stranger.
Life smiles along,
But I can’t go on.

He never sleeps
But claims it isn’t that bad.
Life says he is introverted,
But I make conversation.

He pushes and receives injury
But says he can play.
Life agrees and hands him a ball,
But I give him a worried look.

He won’t tell me anything
I don’t know how to get the truth.
Life won’t let him be
And I can only be for him.