Fight through the pain
Only then will you gain
That's what they all say
It's as clear as day
Be graceful!
Chin up!
Get back there
The floor is yours
Now land, hit the ground
Don't make a sound
Practice makes perfect
But all this falling gets to my head.
Keep going
See the smiles
And right back down again.

I'm starting to believe
That I don't have a choice,
Living in a world where I don't have a voice.
So I'll build up my defence;
Running away from a world
Where you know you'll end up alone.

Now I am going,
Imagining the biggest adventure unknown.
Wondering how to make it home to the clouds.
Now I am wanting to grow,
Trapped in a world that's so undecided and cold.

The world could be your playground,
Just listen to the child inside calling your name;
She's lost and so scared.
So let down your defences.
Stop running away; maybe disappear for a little while.
Just take your time to find the reasons.

Just give me time,
I'm the worst and deciding my choices.
Wondering if I can find a reason to carry on.
I feel like I don't belong here,
No longer wanting to stay trapped inside my own dark mind.

Now I will be going.

Part I

[1/21, 23:37]

Will a day come where I no longer need to run, from the fears entrapped in my mind?

Can I just decide to leave them behind? Is  the choice even mine to make? Or is this a designated - haunting - punishment by fate?

Whatever the answer
I can't run any faster from the shadows that swallow my mind.

They follow my moves every step of the way - am I a fool for even trying to get away?

This game of hide and seek
I don't know how to play -
wherever I hide they seem to find and no matter how much I seek I feel   I n c o m p l e t e.


Will there be an extinction of this sorrow? Or will they be here tomorrow? Waking me with a pressure on my chest.

I promised I'd try my best...

I just don't know how to break out from this intricate mess - Each day I feel -
            
less and less.

Until the only thing left is this
                  PRESSURE
                on my chest.

But I will still run and fight off the fear of tonight - my stength slowly drying.

They say every cloud has a silver lining? I hope they're right because my precious mind Is slowly

D y i n g.

Part II

I square up with my worthy opponent because I'm not dead yet.

I feel the fear in my eyes
    And I see it in his.

But who on earth wins when it's
                 me vs me?

The one that leaves me
        perfectly free

-All I'm trying to do-

Is free myself from me.

When the day is down,
You look around and there is nothing there.

Just look around.
You will see the dark,
You will hear the sound of those who are.

When the day is down,
When the end whispers in your ear,
Say no.
Say no and go to where you will,

Your end is not here.
Say no and go to where you are meant to be.

~Robert van Lingen

Perseverance is fleeting; there are times when
failure overwhelms all senses
and seeps into your thoughts like
black ink upon fibrous paper.

It taints your perspective on the world
and targets your weakest points
to fuel the negativity and self-doubt, leaving
nothing but hatred toward your own mind.

We all experience this at some point in our lives,
but some people must face this beast
time and time again, always expected
to recover for the sake of others' reassurance.

Escaping the sorrow may seem unfeasible;
broken wills may seem irreparable;
the prospect of recovery may seem preposterous
and hope might feel lost.

When you believe that life's purpose is sinister
and that continuing on is a punishment to be feared,
just remember that perseverance is fleeting;
but you've made it this far.