So it was
Once then never was
You left me and it hurt
Why did you choose to change so much?
We were best friends and sisters
You made it all about the misters
Finding time to keep you around
Why were you never around
When we broke bones and banks
I knew you were down hard
Broke down bikes and cars
And I turned scarred.

Seeing you after a year makes me wonder
Do you think of me too and ponder
Why things were left unsaid
Why we drifted away
Tried to forget you and found many other
But no one came to be so picture perfect as each other

You don’t even care you looked away
You ****** me off when things went grey
Contemplated many a times to message you
But remembered how you threw me away.
But pride came to play
And stayed more than half way

When I looked into your eyes
I saw hurt and pain but also crudest acclaim.
Why it never worked out I don’t know
Mistakes were made and both grew up
Careless nights to back road to and fro
Somehow we grew up and grew apart more.

I wonder if I could be okay
admiring you from afar
never letting you know how much you meant to me.

I wonder if I could just be friends
without hungering for that intimacy we once shared.

Is it really gone? In the past, forgotten,
along with every long night we stayed up together?
When you agreed to stay another two hours
(even though it was 9 pm)
to watch a movie with me?

I want it back so bad
just someone who talks to me
understands me in a way that others don't.

But maybe that's not who I am to you.
That'd be okay, I think.
I'd get over it eventually.
But I'd never forget.

And right now,
it just aches.

I miss you.

i wish this was the last thing i would ever write for you. i just wanna move on, but i watched you walk across the dewy lawn and i felt empty inside. ghost town vibes. it hurts seeing you be the life of the party, the happy one, the “gets out of situations so easily cause she’s so pretty.” being friends with you was so amazing and i wish i didn’t take it for granite (granted apparently) back then.
cause now i’m the loser and ashamed that i didn’t say hi to you. now i ignore your every move as if i don’t even know who you are and nobody even knows that we knew each other or were, oh my gosh—friends. oh wait, forgot one word, or two. best friends forever. bffs. we drew in notebooks together, went to the book fair and found little friendship books and wrote in them. we were attached at the hip, so incredibly close. why did we lose that connection? you have so many **** friends and i have nothing against them, i just wish they would help bring back our friendship. and i am sick and tired (exhausted) of seeing you in the halls and looking the other way or up at the ceiling. i am embarrassed that it’s come to this. avoiding eye contact because i fear you hate me, cause God forbid, you send me a single message saying, “you know, i hate to admit it, but i miss you and i wanna start over.” but no. and perhaps i’m coming to full terms with that. i guess the contract is over and the summer sun has sunken into the fortress of the creepy night. i’m fine. it’s just- you had your car and i wished to ride in the front seat jamming out to music before school and having study halls together and making friends together and being friends forever. but it’s ok. i realized true friendship doesn’t exist. it’s all an in the moment thing. they’ll say they wanna be friends forever, but once you move from the ground to the sea, you’ll never wanna be dry again. and i get it. my lungs are drowning in the water, but i still don’t wanna climb out before it’s too late. i’m so sorry

Out of fashion, out-dated
there's no help for it, so let me be
unattractive, rejected
because I show myself so conspicuously
and attract attention needlessly

That's how I'm seen. I am seen
and the whispering amuses me
although nobody talks to me

And you let me wait again
until the reception calls
that you are there

So I just sit here
looking out the window
I am used to it, there is nothing to see
at the back of the hotel
and it is getting dark

You always were impatient
My make-up took too long for you
and you sat angry in the car

but if I behaved exactly
the way you had conceived
you could really be sweet

two's a company
three's a crowd
but what if that crowd
was the most peace you've had?

three's a crowd
then two
then there was one

and years later you sit with nothing but the regret of growing up and growing without
nothing but the memories of love and closeness that you fear you'll never have in friends again

two's a company
three's a crowd
i'd rather drown in the masses
than drown in my solitude

we were connected to each other
even if it was for a few years
it felt like a forever
before it went away.

we were connected to each other
with a rope that was
made of our happiness, strength, youth
everything that was shared together

what a shame that we all thought
that rope was unbreakable
like our happiness, strength and youth
everything that was shared completely faded away.

Like an uninvited guest I have stitched myself to you.
You never wanted my presence but here I am regardless
I am a friend you never wanted
But i have attached my self to you like a wild beast
Ripping and tearing at your skin below the surface.
The control I have over you weighs on your chest  
My claws dig into your lungs, slowly suffocating you.
I manipulate your memories and thoughts into my design
My creation,
My desire.
I feed off your fatigue and ruin all the good times that you never had
I build a barrier between you and the rest of the world
I lock you up and throw away the key
“Your in my head, you can't hurt me” I hear you cry out
Nevertheless I have concocted a potion that will send you spirelling
Locking you into the pit of overwhelming fear and self hating sadness
I am your worst nightmare and your closest friend
I am your anxiety.