I crash
against myself

again
  and again
     and again

throwing myself into
the possibilities
of me

she
who could be
   or has always been

while I,
in the now
stand scrutinized
under judgmental eyes

that I no longer wish to heed

I've never been kissed
I've never been hugged
I've never been loved
Is this a will of God?
Is it my destiny?
To live in this misery?
I think I am ******
My way to love is so jammed
I am in so much pain
I can't even complain
Please my soul mate
Can you show up soon?
I wait for you every moon
I wish I can be kissed
I wish I can be hugged
I wish I can be loved
Just a wish..

Waiting you
Waiting you is like hell
Like a monster I want to ****
Is that what is called, I fell?!
My body was acting like ill
Waiting you is like having no will
Like I need a breath under water
Like a mom misses her daughter
I don't know what was I waiting for
I know I cannot ask for more
You are not for me that is sure
Something weird to have such feeling
Does that have any meaning?
Waiting for you is like being addicted
Every second is like one tick restricted
I know you are not mine
Don't worry I will be fine
Actually I am wasting time
I should wake up and see sunshine
I hurt myself by thinking of being with you
If I told you what would you do
the first time to push my heart
you stop!!, watch what you are
The first time to feel weak
Please don't think of me as a freak
I am still knowing what is here inside
Should I tell you or I should hide
Stay here, stay near
Till I become good with no fear!!

"The other one, the one they call [Sophie], is the one things happen to."

Slurring steps like words, not even drunk, yet
still seeing clearly the blurred letters you sent.

I let her cry, although I never understood
how the salty spate should heal a temporary break.

Blowing up small things to make them big is, what?
we were taught, more than being warned on how they will pop.

I can clearly see through the glass bones and paper
skin, sitting and tightening her ribs, enjoying the plague.

Spilling speech, strictly to rid myself
of your poisonous finger-tipped bones.

I let the break hurt more, swinging mischievously, pulling off the band-
aid slower to compose the tones for her to express.

The only way I can see
is by touching the world around me;
the faint scent and crunch to images
that linger around my fingers.

They are my hounds
who sniff and howl--
at the other animals around them
each crackle and groove
sends each dog into a frenzy.

Diving right into the riverbeds,
underwater is supposed to be where all is unknown
but right before the tips of my eyes are only questions:
is this the right land of water
where I can open the blinds to let sunlight flood in.

Reminds me of Rome
where pillars do not only stand in front of buildings,
they float into the sides of my body
ricocheting and piercing me at the same time--
the only reminder that this is a sidewalk
is the large crack that starts at my front door
and ends some where near an Oak tree.

Someone's daughter has gone missing
yet these hands yonder the forest to find her
seeking the essence of philanthropy;
but how can they expect me,
to find someone,
when I can't even see myself
as I'm mislead through the shadows of these trees.

"I feel the beat of my own words as they tumble
A stutter, a jump in the waves of thought that crash
Down, encircling my head, shooting an emotional gun
A bang in bed, so hard it breaks. The love causes a concussion."  

I am thinking too much,
I can't just let thoughts fall from my lips,
I wish I could speak out about emotion;
The path they've led me down,
And have people think they're beautiful and heartfelt,
But I don't have that capability because lately my
Mind has been overcrowded and empty,
I contradict myself like a wasp that has no sting.
What's the point?
I am a poet that can't write or rhyme,
I am a performer with no character,
An artist without a clear muse and so
I scribble on a page hoping to find
Someone who will respect my patheticness.
I listen to music, wishing that I could sound like
The people who know what to do the next day,
Because I have no clue.
Thinking that far ahead leaves holes in my vision
Because something is missing,
But I cant see far enough to find it!

My entire life has been a magnifying glass,
Trying to find my way, the right way, and society's way,
But I can only follow one path and that one
May not even be paved yet.
And as a girl who hated wearing shoes as a child
And who looks to her childish heart for guidance,
That may be a problem.

Find yourself on streets,
without a destination;
cold wind blowing through,
a conversation about creation.

Find yourself in broken places,
filled with smoke and familiar faces.
Build yourself in thoughts of me,
how I sculpted you in what you wanted to be.

Find yourself in an empty house,
after midnight the lights go out.
Lose yourself in the songs we discover,
lose a friend, but find a lover.

Find yourself in the echo of my sighs,
in the taste of my tongue, in the breath of my cries.
Find yourself in the ecstasy of being,
find yourself, but never find a meaning.

Two hearts,
desolate and yearning,
are put through the tedious test
of finding one another,
and they do,
they live as happily ever after as they can in this broken world