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I've run out of sheep to count
Leaving me wide awake through this living nightmare
Sowing a seed of doubt
Is life's refusal to even consider fighting fare
Each step taken while walkin' about
Feeds on the back of my mind, whispering, "do it if you dare"
Fueling despair
Instigating internal warfare
Causing excessive ware and tare
Resulting in a head of hair gone bare
And I'm forced to bite my tongue completely off
To keep from admitting I no longer care

©2024
Jeremy Betts Apr 13
Rivers of raging air and water
Coming together
To blaze their own trail almost without a care
Leaving the landscape in it's wake bare
Life's shatter
Right or fare, doesn't matter
The scare of it happening again is always right there
The horror of mother nature
Right around the corner
But truthfully,
I should finally be clear
It's the other type of mother,
And a lack of nurture,
That's the main factor
I've pretended,
Tried to blend in,
For many moons plus a year,
It's not a natural disaster
It's...
...it's tears
Ones that've carved ruts down my ****** veneer
As they veer through the unstable atmosphere
That I can't steer through,
Landing me here
On the shore
With only my pride and fear
And an SOS,
That I guess,
Doesn't come across as sincere

©2024
Jeremy Betts Jan 11
If I gave you all my air
Along with every single moment I could spare
If I exposed my everything, choosing both truth and dare
And encouraged you to take more than your fare share
If I were to wear my heart on my sleeve and allow you to rip and tear
If I gave you an entire life, without a care
Offered to carry both of our crosses to bare
While letting you name the time and place and going straight there
No argument here, I swear
If I submit before warfare and declare you ringmaster
If I kept the days I don't tell you exactly what you want to hear rare
And was able to turn a blind eye to every extracurricular love affair
Cause, ya know, buyer beware
If I pretend I'm not fully aware that you rather not be here
That you just take joy in being the puppeteer
If I could manage all that would you even care?
...could I ever consider it sincere?

©2024
Jeremy Betts May 2022
I always forget to remember lessons from the last failure, therefore I'm forever havin' to start all over, my own personal torcher chamber
It creates this culture of fear that I can't get over, the chip on my shoulder staked on the bolder that's already there
A taunting whisper on loop saying it'll never get better, cursed with bad days, one after another
Try to fudge the numbers, facts don't lie but memories blur, every passing day recollection gets harder
I had this thought in the shower, your heart beat is just a countdown to your last breath and death is just a new beginning to forever
Should I still follow my dreams if it's a recurring nightmare? Only the loser says the other didn't fight fare
Only the winner gets their name in the paper unless it's a smear campaign so staying out of the conversation is safer
Where's the line between assassination and ******? And what's the difference between an unwanted guest and intruder?
Does a lamb know about the slaughter? Does the hand know it can take a life without being given an order?
Which is shorter I wonder, the path to greatness or to a personality disorder, my dark passengers a backseat driver
So it's all in how you frame the picture, have a nice day sounds less threatening than enjoy your next 24
Who decides what will occur? How much more can I endure? Roll the dice and hope they don't shatter
Matter of fact I pray for just enough to make it to the next day not knowing there's no listener
God ain't there and if he is he doesn't care or doesn't know the answer either
Either that or he to has given up on this fallen soldier all together, abandoned by my supposed creator
I don't make an hourly wage, I sell chunks of my life for pennies on the dollar
Some one, somewhere is listening to the last song they'll ever hear
Could be me, right now, right here, no way to tell till after then it's to late to alter
Masking anxiety with witty banter, no alter ego just another dark passenger, this time he's riding shotgun like one in the chamber
One personality is hard enough to keep front and center, take one down but there's always another, I am just fodder
The split is wether to move forward or quit all together, don't know which is better
Tried divide and conquer, another failure, tried to find a new harbour but couldn't pull the anchor

Got control of my anger just to immediately lose the battle, instantly falling outta the saddle
I thought I wasn't supposed to get more than I could handle, I guess that's just another cryptic riddle
Starting to feel old testament biblical, the punishment for mistakes are astronomical no matter how miniscule
Almost feels personal, maybe I'm part of some sadistic ritual, forced to be a part of it, no consent, held against my will
Little did I know I could walk away and be okay still, no one told me the rules making every move futile
Trying a different approach, going vocal, begging for mercy in vain but hopeful
An ineffectual campaign, the struggle was always inevitable, my thoughts not believable
Not even a credible witness to my own life, how is this even possible?
Well, cranial damage is plausible due to hitting every obstacle head on, brain almost falling out of my skull
Life is the train light at the end of the tunnel while I'm mid tunnel on a stationary bicycle
Rock bottom was the pinnacle of my life, cynical doesn't even begin to describe what drives my mental
Keep it all in to avoid the hospital, trapped lightning in a bottle but couldn't get a grip on its broke handle
Already sold my soul, not to the devil but to the people and the return on my investment was far from equal
The colossal difference was they got the best of me and I was left an empty shell
Tried to fill it but it now looks like a landfill, a trash receptacle, the overflow of garbage unavoidable
Completely full of hurt and pain, I pray there's no sequel but I just saw the preview commercial so I guess it's ******* official
But even before dress rehearsal I took myself out of the circle knowing it wouldn't be merciful, devouring me whole
Besides, the demon inside stole the show and convinced me I was evil and deserve to not go any further than my current window
I accepted it cause it's all I know, brittle and fragile, will I made it to another day? Doubtful, the outcome predictable
If written out the how come would be longer than the bible so just take my word for it so you're not liable
Life itself is my rival, and now spiteful has replaced delightful and forced the downward spiral
The life or death questions I scream at the sky come nightfall are being treated as rhetorical
And there's no capable Oracle these days so I'm on my own to wrestle this powerful, never ending dose of trouble
Stepped out of my comfortable bubble once before and it was brutal
Promised myself never again but it's not that simple, every attempt pitiful

Wish me luck

©2022
Andrew Rueter Nov 2020
I don’t want to consume art to escape my life
I want art that makes me confront my life
I want art that uncovers my blind faults
and reveals my secret triumphs.
What do I need to change?
Why do I need to change?
How do I need to change?
And why is the time for change now?
These questions help me escape from needing escapism.
If you would like to feel happiness
You must chase the sadness
And spread the smile overall faces

There are always places
To everyone to live and get wishes
Respect yourself by respecting the others
God will give you your demands

The earth is our mother
Her heart is so better
She plants mercy everywhere
Her fruits are kinder

Her plants are welfare
We must cooperate and not go far
the time will bow
the rain will do
and greeted you

with green leaves and rainbow
the shadow of lights will grow
to draw your shape to go
your image be known at  all
there is always a place to get happy and this place will not be wide. it could be at your heart search at it and you will find
Nat Lipstadt May 2019
late May, “sheltering in place,”
the perfection of the day, a descendant
of thousands of years of predecessors,
the elements in concert, expert-wise in the ways
of coordination of sky, wind and ocean caressing
to make poems come so easy, just breeze pluck ‘em

but this heart lies heavy in the noisy stillness,
for one intercept repeats itself,
all ready already, wrote of that, many times prior,
all the parimutuel betting/writing combinations
user exhausted, each one shouting, too late,
you wrote that in such and such a place, in a time,
vague recalled under a name since forgotten

eyes are the poem title generator random,
but all asterisked, seen that, done that,
wrote that, passages that are passengers
trying to hop aboard without paying,
the fare is no fair, and the style gone quaint,
no one wants to read the regurgitated,
my rapacious pen^^^ has stolen them back anyway

my pen now, flat on desk, good only for grocery & scratching off
my countless to-write, to-do lists,
but poem writing conspicuously absent,
this my last until, my corneas transplanted, my heart-ticking
to the beat of someone else’s drumming, but, no wisdom confession,
not what I expected from my retiring “freedom days”

did my share, and periodically one of you reminds me,
of the oldies, and the semi-smile that whispers across my drying lips
says did I write that, see the place + time denoted,
saying yes, here is proof of the when and where, and hints even
of the why, but the whys and wherefores, all crossed off,
the run is over, was a good one, but this time pride will not go
before the fall, for here it is springtime and the spring in the step,
does not launch more than an inch, ground bound, and when,
you no longer can soar, it’s time to say no more

and my old friends come to sing me to rest,
Joni reminds me I have no river to skate away on,^
my feet can no longer fly, lyrics like old honey, stuck no pouring,
Bobby closes my shop, with a young man’s prophecy,
knowing it is the hour that my ship has come in...
and though my moment is in this second, perfection, thinking,
peace to you all, remembering that peace is an unceasing changeling,
my piece is spoken, been trying to leave but this is it,
“it’s all over now baby blue”^^



“Oh, the time will come up
When the winds will stop
And the breeze will cease to be breathin'
Like the stillness in the wind
Before the hurricane begins
The hour that the ship comes in”^^

Shelter Island
Memorial Day Weekend 2019
he was
a mast
his cries
of antecedence
when it
tore rings
in these
statuary dramas
and weren't
discursive though
his mindset
left his
quarters skeptical
there yet
darkness pervaded
him aghast
crimes again
A screen of darkness lurks in the heart
Proxii Apr 2016
This will be You when the Thunder strikes, Feet frozen to the ground.
Lost in the grip of lust.
You are man, but I am Fire.
Ignatius Hosiana Sep 2015
Well sometimes you realize that its on your own **** that the flies survive
And on it the cockroaches and other species are alive
Sometimes you learn that though you wish life was a fairy tale
Even it isn't cinderrella's your ****** story's all you want to tell
Some things get your eyes open and bloom gratitude
From knowing that you have earned great wisdom from Hozitude
Some people will always think they are young once
But believe me you there's always younger in every chance you have to dance
So once people throw dirt on you, just grow beautiful flowers
And when they **** on you, think of it as April showers
For with time like me you'll come to realize the moments you cry
Are the funniest stories and funkiest poems to write
You would do anything at some age, including telling God a lie
Just to have an opportunity of going back to re-try it
Some day you will know that while on the wrong roads
Like Soul, some people encounter their salvation
And satisfaction even without getting all the answers to their questions
Yes...some day, something will steal all the loads
And the funny thing is when the loneliness is gone, even a little bit
You realize that it was great company and you miss it
Sometimes you find yourself stuck in a life that's practically a torment
But hey, there's always a purpose for the joy and hurt of every moment
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