Our lives mean more than a nine to five
and just because you’re breathing
doesn’t mean that you’re alive.

I am eighteen years old.
That doesn't seem like a lot,
But to me,
It is everything.

Eighteen years is all I've ever known.
Even if I died tomorrow,
Still eighteen.
While that might not seem like much to you.
You are probably not eighteen.

Despite my age,
I have been through a lot.
Some say more than most,
Even then those who are older.

At eight years old I lost my dad.
At eleven years old I lost my mom.
At eighteen years old,
I've learned to be okay with that.

Between eleven and thirteen I was abused.
I eventually escaped and was safe again.
At eighteen years old I am still in fear of this sometimes,
But I am working on that.

At seventeen years old I applied for college.
I was accepted and excited to go.
At eighteen years old I dropped out.
All of the anxiety and illnesses became too much,
But I am working on that.

For eighteen years I've dealt with mental illness.
Currently being called Bipolar,
Manic and depressive episodes are common,
But I am working on that.

In the past eighteen years,
I've learned new things.
I've learned who to trust,
And who to believe.
However,
I am still working on the difference between them.

In eighteen years I've learned to let go.
Toxic or not.
Family or not.
Just letting grudges be free.
I'm still working on that.

In eighteen years I've learned skills.
With the musicals I've been in.
With my writing continuing.
Even better at communicating now.

But yet I am eighteen.
With time hopefully left,
Leaving room to gain new experiences,
Because eighteen isn't a lot.

But I do thank eighteen.
For all that it has taught me.
From being confident,
To being reassured,
And everything in between.

Because I am almost nineteen.
And nineteen is a lot.

Oh , to experience,
all I can remember ,
Oh, to hold the subconscious knowledge of all
that has passed through my life , I forget.

To wonder , or to just be oblivious,
to wander . or to search for home

Learning how to Learn again
how to accept all as a blessing in amends
smile upon any day
regarding how it went

Did you ruin me?
Or is this growing pains?
Was it all really black?
Or am I looking through rose colored lens?
I've yet to feel the light petals your presence brings that bounce on giggles.
Or where you even there?
Have you even peeked my way?
I've been yearning for your gaze.
Just. One. Glance.
Maybe I've known you growing too.
Perhaps you no longer giggle.
Perhaps you bask in solitude smirking at memories of your younger self.
Perhaps you're lavender.

A wave implodes,
impaled upon
impassive rocks...

this evening
the thunder of the sea
is a wild music filling my ear...

you are leaving
and the ungrieving
winds demur:

telling me
that nothing returns
as it was before,

here where you have left no mark
upon this dark
Heraclitean shore.

Heraclitus said we can't step in the same river twice, because it won't be the same river and we won't be the same either. Everything is in a constant state of flux, thus "nothing returns / as it was before." Lovers who part will not be the same people if they reunite later.

These Days It's CLEAR ... !!!

I've Now Passed ... " Those Years " ... !!!

Where ... RUNNING My Mouth ...
To PROVE WITHOUT Doubt That My Thoughts Are SOUND ...
Is NO LONGER A Need That Lives Within Me ... !!!

AGREE To DISAGREE Is Now The Theme ...
With Which I ROLL When The Youth Get BOLD ...

And Wanna TELL ME How Things Now Go ...
....... I KNOW What I KNOW ....... !!!

As I'm SURE They Do ...
But There's Something In The Youth That's NOW ON SHOW ...

A DISRESPECT For FACTS That Come From OLDER Mans' ...
YUP ... Mans' Like Me Who Deal In FACTUAL SPEECH ... !!!

NOT Conspiracies ...
That Are Now On TV's ... !!!!

I CONSPIRE To REVEAL ...
The Things Youngsters NOW SEE ...
That Simply ARE NOT REAL ...
And ARE FILLED With FALLACIES ... !!!

Like ... DODGY Referees ...
And Stars Whose SHINE Concedes .......
To Personal DEFEATS That Leads Me To Believe ...
DEEP DOWN That ... They Are WEAK ... !!!!!!

SO MANY New Age CLOWNS ... !!!
Who've Signed These CRAZY DEALS ... !!!!!

Marketing ... Promotion ...
So YES Living ... " The DREAM " ... !!!

Causing A COMMOTION Because The Dream ... "Conceals" ...
A Lack of TRUE DEVOTION To What Most Want To See ... !!!

HIGH Quality ... NOT Sporting CHEATS ... !!!!!
Or MIMING Teens Whose Sheen Is CLEAN ...
Until We See Them ... BROKEN Down ... !!!!!

WITHOUT Being Drowned ...
By The HYPE That SURROUNDS ...

"They're the greatest thing to come along,
since Jesus Christ, The son of GOD !"

"The son of who, he's just a fool !
Check Bieber son, he is that dude !"

"Okay, can I ask, how old are you ?"

"I'm Twenty Two, what does that prove ?"

"It proves that you have a limited view !
Don't get it confused, I have one too,
but mine has seen, a bit more, nah' mean !
Respect for old heads, now seems to be dead, and I ain't that old !"

"Who told you so, you're grey and choose to not make moves,
your thinking's off, I think your mind's gone soft !"

"You're probably right, what could I have learnt
from seeing the times, when you had to earn,
your time to shine, and rep' that hype !"

YEAH ... " Rep' That Hype ! " ...

NOT Just Get Signed And Then SUDDENLY BE ...

" THE MAN " ... Like MIKE ... !!!!!

Or Like ... " ALI " ...

" THE GREATEST of ALL TIMES ! "

OPINIONS In The Young I DO WELCOME ...
But ONLY When RESPECT ...
Is What Young Heads Then COME WITH Next ... !!!

The Sad Thing Is ...
It's NOT JUST Kids NOW FLIPPING The Script ...

A LOT of OLDER Heads ...
Now Be Running Talk That's FOUL ... !!!
Since When Did EVERYBODY ...
Have Knowledge That Was GODLY ... !?!?!
These Days MOST Peoples' Arguments ...
Are CLEARLY Rather .... SHODDY .... !!!!!

To Me These Days It's CLEAR ...
These Whipper Snappers FEAR ...
Arguments of Reason ...
That PROVE Their Thoughts AREN'T Seasoned ... !!!

So When They're Brought ... It's TREASON .... !!!!!!
And Then COME OUT Their DEMONS ... !!!

DEFIANCE PRIDE And Then DENIAL ...
Passive AGGRESSION They KEEP Defending ...
UNTIL ... Common Sense Lessons ...
Leave Their Demons ... SUITABLY Weakened ... !!!

We've ALL Been There When Youth ... "ENSNARES" ...
Our Ability To HEAR The Things Most of Us FEAR ... !!!!!!!!!!

Because When Most Are ... " YOUNG " ...
It's CLEAR That WISDOM Comes ...

BEYOND ............................................................

..... " THOSE YEARS " .....

my job is swallowing

happiness

is not what i've been experiencing
today

don't end your life my man

you're here
to stay