My heart is playing tricks.

The butterflies were going one direction.

Only to be caught up in a storm.

And now they're flying all over the place.

I guess that's the beauty of it all.

Not knowing which way the wind will take them.

Following the unfollowed
to follow fellow folks, felons
as I, guilty for spending life
hunting followers who may scent
flourishing fables made of fabric
filled with formidable potential.

Zestfully fleeing mafficking faces
futzing in mass lobotomy, quaffing
media fraudulent sloppiness,
fallacy of a system fearing freedom
of free thinkers unchained,
through fault of failing legacies,

Left behind by phantom slaves
and modern enslavers, as confluxes
of frantic consciousness abandon
the flow to fly high the abysses
of the unfathomable unfazed
by the fuzzy foozles of those defusing,

The fragility and clumsiness of jiffy
flickering governors baffling
enlightenment and solidarity, blocking
the path of the unfollowing where flesh
is bygone for fleeting feelings to enflame
future fundamentals,

Essentially shared,
by an evolving united and mirific
mystifying humankind.

A blank new page.

Staring, wondering.

What should my next chapter be?

Where do I go from here?

The blank pages have no answers.

The pencil is trembling in my hand.

I take a deep breath as I write

Now live.

Dear Bitter, Broken, me,

To the days that you have longed, but never received
To the days that you have questioned, but never conceived
To the days that you have sought freedom, yet still have not broken free.
To the days you have sought outcome, yet still have nowhere to be.

And to the days you have spent broken and battered; this might set you free

So Dear bitter, broken, you;

Courage, my friend.

Don’t die wondering
It might look like the end
but this is only the beginning.

We have to walk, even though it hurts.
But we can take our time
because I know it gets worse.    

Believe me, I get it.
We’re blinded by what we see, yes I get it.
A moment of silence for those who don’t get this.
I pray to God “can I please just forget this”

But now listen it won’t always be like this
Don’t fall for the words the enemy has prescribed us with
We’re consumed not immune to what we think is true
To the pain we sustain because it makes us feel good

So dear bitter, broken, me;

You’re a time bomb awaiting to break lose.
Confronting yourself wasn’t always the best thing to do,
Aware of the guilt and falsity of disregarding this book
I can’t bare its facts to what seems to be the truth.

I can’t stand this.
Why does it feel like I can never surpass this.
My broken heart and upset mind can’t comprehend
So dear bitter, broken, me is coming to an end

Lured and lusted to internet sociality
Upset and degraded because i’m not what instagram tells me to be
My life consisted of adversity in reality

I’m marked with scars
scarred for every reason that i’m not
Ive died on the inside allowing my outside to rot
It’s me and my sin until death do us apart

or so I thought

I flip the pages of the book of James
And I’m reminded about this love that never changed
But allow me to speak this truth for you
This grace, This love let it pursue you

We out to sought the truth of whether or not this God we speak of has truly existed
And trust me I wouldn’t speak of it if I didn’t already know this.
And it may sound crazy the way I say this but the relationship I have with my Jesus is more than just religion.

Believe me, He gets it.
A bitter, broken me, yes He gets this.

He showed me His scars,
Scarred for every reason I thought I was
Once died on that cross
For the bitter broken me that I once was

Simplicity at its finest
Complexity has no life in this

A love I thought I forgot
Was once reintroduced by the begotten son of God

Friendly pokes
***** jokes
Someone has misheard:

-Are you some kinda perv?
-I struck some kinda nerve?

Awkward looks
into boots.

Who will be the first
to change the topic,
pitch of talking?
Can this be reversed?

It was just an impulse.
Yes, it is that simple
when it's not rehearsed.
Who's that good with words?

Smile and let's move on.
Let us not be dull.
Moods will come and go
so on the go we learn.

Who knows how it will end…
Or if we will begin
All over again?
Whether in shattering sound
Or a silence within ---
The soul’s secret whisper,
Or lips close to the skin?

But change will come.
(Changesendandbeginagain!)

Change:
While kneeling, standing or running;
Change while singing, dancing, or loving!  
Whether at the start
Of something shiny new or
To end in a fearful, cataclysmic coup,
We will see it through.

We may be
All poured out,
Reduced and
Dissolved
Into a pristine and naked
Newness.  
We may not recognize the path and
We may fall,
Fetal (not fatal), to the ground.
Tears may flow, hot and wet,
And, as babies will,
We make a sound -- a loud cry
That flies when it hurts
And when we are alone.
Arms outstretched
In perpetual longing;
The space between
Is eternity…
And our cry reaches
Just as far.  

But there will come
A second breath,
Leaping from the depth of being.
Reflexive reaction in shock
Of sheer brightness
In seeing –
Brilliant vision, clear and wide,
A jewel revealed deep inside.
A light shared between us and all,
A blinding fulmination as lightning fall!

From season to season and year to year;
From rugged courage to raging fear.
From small town boy to worldly man --
From joy to sadness and then….

To know why without knowing how.
To advance without knowing where!
To see, unblinking, in a glooming midst,
While light and sound explode around us,
Still….a preternatural daring is expressed.

For one way may suddenly be closed,
Yet another swings open, as if
From binary pre-design.
We need only turn from the wall we see  
To walk through the way we find.

You will enter a new field of experience.  
You will reach beyond any
Hope of control -- to just
Accept and respond.

This is why!
This is how!
This is new
And this is you.
You are…

Change.

physical flesh
of minds electric
exhale purple images
upon galaxy screens  
silky neuron fabric
weaved with dreams
tie memories
to feeling