I wiped away every memory you left me with,
as I printed the messages like you wrote me letters,
sealed them in in envelopes,
but boxes marked incinerate,

I waded through knee deep snow,
carrying a box full of memories while wearing some I couldn't let go,
I removed your sweater off my back and created a fire from the tear stained sleeves,
I burned the rest with the box, and cried over the memories that couldn't go away,

I lay down into the snow, holding onto your memories that went too deep,
crying because I can't remember some of the things you did with my body,
crying because I honestly wouldn't wanna know.
like as if  crying would honestly allow me to let go,

you used to tell me things like how I didn't have to worry about my makeup,
or how I didn't have to worry about everyone,
and how you told me you loved me despite my flaws,
like the ones covered over my whole body,

and yet you tricked me,
so I'd let you in,
I was weak and you hurt me,
you don't deserve me,

but who would deserve me,
other than you,
you ruined me,
and I'm the fool.

Since when is good enough,
Good enough?
Minimum, easiest,
Thoughtless and rushed.

We're giving pennies
Wanting dollars in return
We expect the gold medal
Without effort, it's not earned

Giving enough
to get by, and no more
Yet expecting the best
From the rest of the world

Too focused on taking
To ever give
But a one-sided life
Is no way to live

Good enough is not good enough
Half effort won't yield a full life.
If you feel like you deserve all the best
You've got to give what you'd like.

i hate to be graphic and upsetting, but i need to write this. please refrain from reading.

first thing on my mind is
harm
what i feel like i deserve is
pain
it is not even a coping mechanism to me anymore
it has become routine
i fixate on it
i need to do it
i have to or else
i cannot bear to be myself
in my cold skin
i can't even look in the mirror
i'm a ******* monster
the slow sensation on my arm
is relieving and reassuring
that i am still deserving of it

i remember when i was 13
and i grabbed my weapon
and ran to my room
shut the door
turned out the light
sat down on the floor
and wept
if only i had known
what i was getting myself into
fast forward 5 years
and i am still there
on the floor

the reaction from my mother when i confessed
shocked me and took me by surprise
how could you be mad at me
i thought to myself
but now i realize why
i was her masterpiece
never to inflict harm on myself
and there i was
ruining what was hers
my skin

it's always there
most times a burden
other times a sign of resilience
a reminder of my monster
my corrupt side
of low self-esteem and self-worth
that i seem to never gain back
i won't ever hide it
i won't ever get rid of it
because i can't

i am not proud
most people say i'm a pathetic fool
crying for attention
desperate for others to see
but no one ever notices
and it lets me know
that it will always be
my little secret
a habit that was once by choice
but now by force

i wonder if i will ever grow out of it
like they said i would
years ago
i have accepted the fact that
i love it
and will never let it go

He cries, tells her it's the last time.
Cherry lips and violet eyes,
She lies because she's so broken
She can't remember how it felt to be whole.
A boy too small to fight,
Though that doesn't stop him from trying;
A little girl who will never know that love doesn't include bruises and broken bones.
She could leave,
But she knows he'd find her as he has so many times,
Wandering the highway somewhere between the 5th and 9th time
She ponders whether it hurts worse to live or die.
Her baby in her arms and one trailing behind,
A shotgun aimed between her eyes,
She'll climb inside his old blue pickup truck,
Which is somehow colder than the October night.

She hears the whispers—
Illegal. Dependent. Brainless.
Can they not see their own reflection in her tired eyes
And realize that if the stars aligned differently,
They could have been the one wearing sweaters in the summer
And sunglasses in the grocery store?
As she pushes the shopping cart home,
She says a silent prayer that he'll be gone,
But he never is.
When her nose bleeds on the tile
She no longer cries,
Just syncs the pounding in her head with her heartbeat, screaming,
It's over. It's over. It's over. It's—

It makes me sad to see how fragile your happiness can be.
I wish I could see you smiling for ever.
Not because you are the most beautiful when you smile, you are still beautiful in your pain.
I just wish you never had to know pain.
I want you to be happy because you deserve it.

I give so much to those who don't deserve it
When the right person comes along
Will I have anything left to give