My insecurities are shifting in my dreams,
I can't help but be worried about the pain that I bring upon myself.
Everyone is telling me, “What's the matter, you are perfect.”
Everyone is telling me that I should stop worrying.
But I can't help but panic inside,
I try, I try, I try to hoard these feelings inside.
But I am creating a surreal life,
I feel myself painting myself blind.
In this world, it's clear what is right and wrong,
but in my consciousness I don't know any more.
I feel myself become closer to you everyday,
but you are slowly drifting away.
Fantasy lives are everywhere, trying my hardest to stay alive,
but I noticed that I am faker than the world has ever known.
I've become digitally attached to my sorrow through bleeding ink.
I feel myself wanting to snap a doll's head off,
I just want to stop my mind from spinning around.
I am forever stuck in a maladaptive daydream,
where everything is fake except me moving.
[Stay Silent For Two Minutes]

Maybe I'm too fat
Maybe I eat like a man
Maybe I've got no poise
Maybe I'm too loquacious
Maybe I...

Honestly, I know.

I know my tongue slashes throats and
My eyes asphyxiates.

I know my personality is too strong for a little person
That I amaze and scare at the same time.

I know I'm a strong lady- *too strong for you to handle.

That's why I have been able to stand up from where you pushed me.
That's why I am able to think of myself.
That's why I am not blaming love but the person in love.

Honestly, I know
That you can't take the blades of my tongue

Honestly, I know
That you can't say I'm beautiful

Honestly, I know
That you do not love me like how I love you

Honestly, I know
That you are selfish

Honestly, I know
That I am now seeing truth

After all these weeks of crying my eyes out,

I'm back.

because honestly i know

As I sit here & look back
I should've walked out that door
Instead I stayed & slowly began to crack
In reality I need & deserve more
Month after month, hour after hour
It was my heart I let you devour
As you swept me off my feet
It didn't feel like a game
You fooled me being so sweet
My heart took the blow & you're to blame
I made such a huge mistake
I wonder if this was a devious plan
To see how long I'd stay & all the ******* I'd take
You were good at pretending to give a ****
I'll give credit when credit is due
You managed to pollute my head with fake love, I had no clue
I'm glad it finally ended
A relationship not worth repair
& over time my heart has mended
You're not even a friend, but you don't care
SO THIS IS TO YOU:
We are definitely, definitely THROUGH!

He cheated,
She didn't see it
She's blinded, it hurts.

When he texts you with a heavy heart proclaiming that he saw your name in the stars last night and your smile in the suns curve, ignore it. You are not the sun or the stars in the fabric of space, you are a human being with a beating heart that had hoped for far too long for those words to be spoken.

Ask him if before this if he was blinded by the sun or too lost in the stars and that’s why he never responded back those times you told him you missed him.

Ask him how maybe the pressure and weight of his heart before must have been collapsing inside, falling and hitting his lungs and cracking ribs that he couldn’t exhale and respond back. It’s alright now because he’s better now and he can talk now that he see the capability of words.

This means nothing to you for when you see the sun it reminds you of him because that is the first thing you see through your window blinds when he’s really the first thing you want to see in the morning. And when you see the first star appear in the that faded sun soaked sky you wish for him until the sky is cluttered with lights almost as bright as his eyes.

Your heart was so heavy for so long but not anymore.

When he tells you, you will feel dignified and broken at the same time. You will want to go up to him and merrily say all the curse words that you had once washed out of your mouth but then you’ll want to take your hands and caress them to his jawline and look him in the eyes and whisper in a gentle voice that you cared about him so much and he never realized it and still doesn’t.

You will run and laugh and tell your friends but then you’ll lay down and cry.

You will want a further explanation and feel as if you deserve one but what you need is an apology and a promising goodbye. It doesn’t have to be loud and crash like the waves of an ocean but it does have to be just as consistent and powerful of waves washing upon the shore.

Everything's beautiful in the darkness. If you get far enough past the fear you could even fall for the abyss.