I remember as a kid,
I would have to walk everywhere i went
because my mom didn't have a car.
I didn't care though
because i didn't know how much
easier it could be to just drive.

Or on my 5th birthday all i got
was some underwear
because my mom couldn't afford anything else
and she knew i needed them.
I didn't care though
because i didn't know that a normal kid
was supposed to get a bunch of cool toys.

Or when every single one of my shoes
had holes in the bottom
because my mom didn't have money
to buy me knew ones.
I didn't care though
because i just thought I was supposed to wear them
till I couldn't anymore.

Or when I had to wait until soup kitchen days to eat
because my mom couldn't afford
groceries for the week.
I didn't care though
because i thought they made the best food.

And I remember as a kid,
Growing up without a dad
and not understanding why.
It didn't bother me though,
Because I thought my mom was all i needed.

It's funny how time changes things.
12 years having a step-father and being blessed beyond belief.
But now i look at myself...
How i'm too lazy,
to walk a few blocks anymore.
Or too greedy,
to accept some birthday ****** anymore.
Or too trendy,
to wear my shoes to the grave anymore.
Or too picky,
to eat the soup kitchen specials anymore.
Or too selfish,
To tell my mom I love her anymore.

I lost my simple mind.
Trying to fit in by being however
normal non-impoverished kids would be
But then i lost myself,

And forgot...

Who i remembered.

It was never a case of one more or less
Intangibles don't weigh on her scale,
They rest, balanced and immovable

There was a case of right or wrong,
So I asked her to pick up the sword and pass judgement
She severed you and I, all involved were cut deep

Bleeding, everyone bled
Blinded, she separated both flesh and spirit
The rights and wrongs seem less important now

Don't you know some things are too good to be true?
I knew, and I still fell for your lies.
You made me wonder
Whether my eyes were broken
Because if you saw me so lovely
Maybe the world saw me from a different point of view too?
At first I knew you were doing this
Trust me, I could see.
But your sweet words of emptiness blinded me.
Maybe it's because you made me feel
Like blood pumped through my veins
Without having to check.
Surprise, I didn't matter
I came crashing back to reality
But at least all this time wasn't wasted,
You've made me realize
Nothing broken is lovely, not me..

There’s a place in the corner of my eye that is only for me. It’s cluttered, a real mess, with things piled on top of each other precariously.  As much as I try and ignore it it is always there lurking reminding me of things to do, things I haven’t and things I will never do. And this corner is growing, taking over my sight;

Pretty soon I’ll be blinded by my yesterdays, my fears, my dreams and my love.

But at least one eye will be kept clear and I will try and see clearly through it. Until the yesterdays become today, my fears appear real, my dreams drown and my love succumbs to pettiness- tainted by green.

Without sight I’ll soar through darkness; spinning, twisting and evolving my other senses. Melody will paint my memories to keep me pushing through my plight, Hair pricking soft fingers will flood my head with colours.

But that fowl stench will linger. The cluttered abandoned mess doesn’t rest in its decomposition. It will invade my other senses until my false expectations appear real.

You howl like a wolf
Yet I hear the bleeting of a lamb.