Yeah you, *******!
Woody!
If you're gonna get mad at being trolled,
You troll,
Don't you dare take it out on my pack
See?
Now I'm a "woof *****"
I was a Phoenix before,
But reincarnation got the better of me this time round
So!
Allons-y, mofongulu!
In case you don't get that, roughly, that's
Later, *******!

I'm a poet, beatboxer,
Gamer, Expert procrastinator
Hated
Loved
But not loved by you apparently.

You
Who sits behind the screen like a little *****,
Makes your profile private
So I can't respond to things like
"Exactly what I'd expect a 16 year old little ***** to say"
You only make me mad by your nature
Probably a 50 year-old ******* and troll
Who gets off by taunting younger ones
Because he's too much of a **** to pick on someone
His own size and age,
Having no friends or relatives that love him
Nobody that respects the ******* he is
Probably does drugs
Dropped out of school the year he learnt the word "****"
Didn't follow much of a lifestyle
Blew kids off for twenty bucks
I mean, money is money
Shares his mothers basement with twelve cousins,
Male and female,
That he ***** on the daily
The only action he really gets
And when they aren't there
Climbs out of his trollhole
To **** with the wrong people

They call me Phoenix
Because I roast beats
And pedophiles
Like yourselves

You got a reaction
Question is,
Was it what you expected?

A two word couple rarely used
In genuine terms, at least
But all too often, more than abused
Never in response to treat

And apologies are just the same
Said so carelessly, so carefree
Follows suit after a name
But meaningless, sadly

What are words without their meaning?
When used out of context
It meant something at the beginning
But the question is what’s next?

Will opinions come to have no value?
How about symbols, or hand signals?
As I said, use and abuse
So used the tongue does tingle

Compare that to human life
What makes us so unique?
We all have opinions and advice
And without being asked, openly critique

We push others down so we can get up
Why don’t we just learn to swim?
So we can go for long enough
Without bending someone to our whim

A life forced to enforce our own
Power corrupts, and corrupts absolutely
And these maddened actions we must condone
And do so resolutely.

Why do we keep ruining lives?
Not just others, but also our own
We punish either with words like knives
And suffer all alone

I preferred to shut my mouth
And say what doesn’t need saying
Everything would be what I’d talk about
But my emotions just kept on praying

Hiding behind a veil
That was a master façade
My smile hid all detail
So to myself I said “Au Revoir”

But they could not hide forever
My darkness lifted a little
So I tried piecing myself together
Labelled “Handle with Caution, for I am Brittle.”

But despite how hard I tried
I failed to be whole
My best interests were defied
And darkness enveloped my soul

What I once hid behind
Was now a part of me
When I realised, I died inside
And self-consciously admit defeat

My hands guided by hatred
For the weakness that was within
Energy so sapped I became faded
And my Nightmares would soon begin

For a year I found it hard to sleep
As I watched my friends be Butchered
With woe and sorrow I began to weep
In helplessness I was snookered

My friend had an idea for me
One I never dreamt
To try and incite a lucid dream
And to have my promise be kept

That I would protect my friends
No matter what the cost
A brave mental battle, with no happier end
And once done, I knew all was not lost

But inside my mind I found my meaning
Even through my lack of dreaming
That life is best had when not sleeping
And reminiscing memories of bleeding

Life is an experience
That defines who you are
Fill it with extravagance
And man will you go far

I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through

I’ve tried too long and I’ve tried too hard
To let go of my demons, to let go of my past
History repeated again and again
But I can’t let go
And it never ends

I remember a time where happiness ruled
But over time the sun faded and darkness pooled
In my mouth, down my throat and into my heart
Corrupting me, turning me from the light to the dark

Sometime ago, I sought an answer
To a prayer I never wished to voice
That I could find a way to end this pain
But I chose the wrong choice

I made it physical
Because I hated being emotional
(Men don’t cry)
But despite my attempts
To replace what I couldn’t stand
(Soon after, I wished, to die)

And my wish came true!

I became addicted to what tears me apart
I let the blade through my skin, and into my heart
The one thing I turned to, that never mocked who I was
Was the one thing that destroyed me, within my lust

I suffered needlessly, I was my own scar
I didn’t wear them they were me, right from the start
The moment the steel brushed my skin
Was the one day I faced my end

So hear my words, don’t get caught in this trap
No matter the problem, bullied or harassed,
It will swallow your soul
A demon to devour you whole
And leave you with nothing but regret

I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through
And why I’ve done the things
I continue to do

I’m seeing someone about all this
Because I have problems waiting to be fixed
Things I can’t handle on my own
But then again, I’ve always been alone

My Father said,
“Sometimes, Conor, you talk too much
And talk too little.”

I’ll let you figure that out on your own
So here I go:

I started off as shy
Didn’t like to meet people’s eyes
I was floating in the skies
So when I dropped I was surprised

I began to talk more,
Sometimes I just don’t shut up
There’s so much I have to say
But of time there’s not enough

My Primary years were years of torture
Those twisted words a killer
“Stupid. *****. ******. Loser”
I shut my eyes and mouth, head down, just kept cruising
Hoping. Praying
That someone would maybe save me

But I was unlucky
No-one came to rescue me
So pretty soon I hated the world that surrounded me
A father gone, overseas, fighting a war.
Because when it comes to family, some things are worth dying for.

Well pretty soon after, I wanted to die
When I found out that I wasn’t quite alright
My difference wasn’t me just being a shy guy
That untroubled dragon, unburdened, flying in the sky

Because I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of eight
Chance hated me, it seemed, and so too did fate
Adding fuel to the fire, an internal pyre
That consumed me, hungrily, leaving me broken and tired

So my innocence was ignorance
You can tell by the evidence
I wanted an exit
Another way I could end this

Years down the track, and who am I now?
Am I that joker you thought I was, head up and proud?
The friend to the friendless, my speech is just endless
But at the end of the day I’m only pretending

Because I’m not okay, I’m a broken part
To a greater whole of some use, just needing a kick-start
My friends and family, you see, they disagree with me
Saying worn is not broken, and either way it isn’t easy

It hasn’t been easy, torn by the truth
And mocked for my teeth, hit at times, left bruised
Sticks and stones may break my bones and all that other ****
By words hit hard too and at times it’s hard to deal with it

Now I don’t seek attention, just tried to let them know
That I was struggling and there were some things I couldn’t let go
From the first time I was called “Bucky” to the handle of a blade
I wanted to tear apart all the **** they had made

So I started hacking away at myself
Trying to find a better someone else
The answer lies not in blood spilled, or the steel used to slash through
But in your mind hides a better you, a person with a better view

It just takes time to uncover
The century’s best discover
An artefact, buried, hidden, within your soul
Just clear your problems
Try and solve them
And you’ll be whole

“Sometimes, Conor,
You talk too much
And talk too little”

Do you understand?